How to use Inspired Questions in combination with brain balancing.

How to use Inspired Questions in combination with brain balancing.

How to use Inspired Questions in combination with brain balancing.

 exisoropisi

  1. Chose the inspired question which you would like to use in order to install a  certain belief.

Examples might be

WHY DO I FEEL SO SAFE WITH ALL PEOPLE?

WHY AM I FEELING SO SAFE IN GENERAL?

WHY AM I WORTHY OF LOVE AND RESPECT EXACTLY AS I AM?

WHY AM I FEELING FREE TO BE MY SELF?

WHY AM I FEELING UNDERSTANDING TOWARDS THAT PERSONS BEHAVIOR?

WHY AM I SO FORGIVING?

WHY AM I SO COMFORTABLE WITH MYSELF AND OTHERS.

WHY AM I AM ABLE TO LOVE MYSELF AS I AM?

WHY AM I FREE FROM NEEDING APPROVAL?

WHY DO I PERCEIVE LIFE AS SO EASY?

WHY DO I ACCEPT MY WEAKNESS AND MISTAKES?

WHY AM I SO SURE OF MY ABILITY TO SUCCEED.

 

  1. Then take the position for the brain balancing with the right ankle resting on the left and the right wrist over the left while meshing the fingers.

 

  1. Begin to mentally repeat the chosen question over and over in a relaxed way, not to prove it to yourself, but simply because it is a truth or possible truth. Do this for about two minutes asking the inspired question over and over.

 

  1. Then stop asking and for about two minutes receive possible answers to that question – practical, logical and spiritual.

 

  1. The for another two minutes repeat the question again and again stopping each time to receive answers that come to you after each repetition of the question . The answers can also be the same and also new ones each time. So you ask the question and receive as many answers that come and then ask again and receive answers.

 

  1. Now switch the ankles and hands, placing the left on top.

 

  1. Now bring to mind a scene from your daily life where perhaps your ability to experience the particular truth is challenged or more difficult. Imagine and experience that you are able to experience that truth (and any other useful truth) while confronting that particular stimulus or situation which until now has caused you to lose your peace. Do this then with two more scenes, imaging and experiencing in each that you are able to feel centered, worthy and safe in each situation.

 

  1. Then place the finger tips of your opposite hands together and feel that this new positive perception, belief and feeling are being deeply installed in your conscious and subconscious mind.

 

Some possible answers to some of the questions might be.

Because there is no reason for any one to want to harm me.

Because I am strong and capable of caring for myself.

Because all of the moments I felt danger have passed and I am still okay.

Because I am a good and lovable person.

Because people in general like me.

Because I am charismatic.

Because I live in a safe country in a safe environment.

Because I have been able to deal with every situation life has ever brought me.

Because my self-worth is a granted and no one can ever change that.

Because my self-worth is a granted and no one increase it or decrease it.

Because I am worthy of love and accept as I am.

Because life brings me only what is in my highest interest as a soul in evolution.

Because we are all expressions of the Divine.

Because I am an immortal expression of the Divine

LISTEN TO THE GUIDED TECHNIQUE HERE

HEALING THE INNER CHILD

HEALING THE INNER CHILD


HEALING THE INNER CHILD

 CHAPTER 23 from the book The Psychology of Happiness by Robert Elias Najemy

Note:

The work described in this chapter usually requires

guidance by a person experienced in this work.

 

 Our inner child is that part of our subconscious that still feels, thinks and behaves in the ways we learned as children. Our emotional life is largely dictated by the feelings, beliefs and needs generated by our childhood experiences.

We have become split personalities who function with two minds. One is logical while the other still perceives life through the eyes of the children that once we were. While one knows logically that we have no reason to fear or doubt ourselves, the other continues to experience anxiety, fear, guilt and self-doubt. While we know cognitively that we have the ability to deal with life, a part of ourselves continues to be fearful, jealous and angry.

We may not be consciously aware that our inner child feels vulnerable, lonely, fearful, angry or hurt, yet, these emotions are very visible in the form of our fears and defensive reactions. Our hidden emotions are also quite evident in our tensions and psychosomatic illnesses.

On the other hand, our inner child and other aspects of our subconscious are a rich and abundant source of inspiration, joy, creativity and love for life.

We need to establish contact with our inner child and learn to accept and love it as it is, while at the same time educating it concerning the truth of its divine nature. We can then heal our inner child of its traumas and misconceptions while simultaneously recovering from it our innocence, joy and inner connection with life.

Regardless of which techniques we employ in relationship to the inner child, it is essential that we develop a relationship with it by communicating daily. We suggest the following technique.

 

DAILY COMMUNICATION

WITH THE CHILD WITHIN

 

1. Sit or lie down with the spine straight.

2. Relax the entire body and mind through your preferred relaxation or concentration technique.

3. Imagine the inner child and communicate with it. (It might appear at any age.)

a. Ask it how it feels.

b. Ask if it has some needs it would like to satisfy.

c. Speak to it about your needs as an adult.

4. Give it positive reinforcement. Our child needs to hear about love, security and self-worth.

5. Mentally embrace the child and hold it with tenderness and love.

a. Feel (imagine) the child in your arms.

b. Identify with the small body and feel yourself inside the embrace accepting the love and tenderness offered to you.

c. Become one with the child.

 

This technique can be performed as a prelude to any meditation, relaxation technique, prayer or positive projection technique, or alone as it is. Once mastered, it takes only five minutes.

 

DISCOVERING OUR PAST

 

Our first step will be to discover the events that might have programmed our inner child to be overly sensitive to situations or stimuli, which we now objectively realize, are not worth losing our peace over. In studying the following list of possible childhood experiences, we might find some experiences described exactly as we remember them, while others may remind us of experiences that are somehow different than the ones described. Some memories or associations may take time to come. We may be reminded of something else of which we would like to take note.

 

 

LIST OF CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

 

Note: After each experience, you will find a list of numbers with the letter “B” referring to the list of possible beliefs, subconscious conclusions of the child, which may have been programmed into our childhood mind because of these experiences.  This list can be found on our web site www.HolisticHarmony.com. The numbers here refer to the numbers of the beliefs on that list.

Wherever the questions refer to our parents or other persons of our childhood, we must also think of stepmothers, stepfathers, grandparents, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters, cousins, teachers and any other persons who existed in our lives as a child up to the age of 18.

 

1. Was there someone who became angry with you, scolded you, rejected you or accused you? Who and when?  B=(1,2,3,4,5,6,7,13,14,15,16,70,142,143).

 

2. Were there people in your family who fought among themselves or rejected or hurt one another? Who and when? B=(1,2,3,4,5,6,143).

 

3. Have you ever experienced the feeling of abandonment? Were you ever left alone? Have you ever felt that others didn’t understand you, or that you would receive no support? When? By whom? How? B= (1,4,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,70,142).

 

4. Did you ever feel the need for more affection, tenderness or expression of love? From whom and when (during which periods of your life)? B= (1,13,14, 15,16,142).

 

5. Were there persons in your environment who were often ill or who often spoke of illness? Did they ever blame you for their illness or did you ever feel guilty concerning their illness? Who and when? B= (17,18,19,20,21,22).

 

6. Did you ever experience the feeling of humiliation in the presence of others or in connection with others? In which cases? B= (1,4,5,8,14,23,24,25,70,143).

 

7. Were you ever compared to others as to whether you were less or more capable or worthy? To whom, in which instances, and in connection with which abilities or character traits? B= (1,23,24,25,26,70,143).

 

8. Have you ever lost a loved one? Who and when? B= (7,8,9,10,11,12,14,15,17, 18,21,27,28,2,142).

 

9. Did anyone ever approach you sexually without your consent? Who, when, and how did you feel? B=(1,30,31,32,33, 34,136,142).

 

10. Were you ever aware of your parents or anyone else making love? Who and when? How did you feel and what did you think? B= (33,34,35,36,37).

 

11. Did your parents ever state that you were the only reason they stayed together, and that this had been a big sacrifice on their part? Did they ever tell you they had sacrificed a great deal for your sake, and that you were indebted to them? Who? When? About what matters? What exactly do they believe you owe them?  B= (1,6,38,39,40,41,41,42,43,141,143).

 

12. Did anyone ever accuse you of being the cause of his or her unhappiness, illness or problems? Who accused you and about what exactly? What did they mean by saying that it was your fault? What does this statement mean to you? According to them, what should you have done? B= (38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47, 48,49,50,51,52.53,54,141,143).

 

13. Did anyone ever say you would never achieve anything in your life, that you are lazy, incompetent, or dumb? Who, when and concerning what matters? B= (55,56,57,58,59,60,141,142,143).

 

14. Were you ever caught playing with your genitals (alone or with others), and did anyone make you feel guilty about that? Who? When? What was their message? B= (61,62,63).

 

15. Did anyone speak about guilt and punishment from a person, a parent, the police or God? Who? When? About what types of guilt and what type of punishment? B= (1,62,63,64,65,141,142,143).

 

16. Did any teacher ever make you feel humiliated in front of other children? When? How? Concerning what? B= (66,67,68,69,142,143).

 

17. Did you ever feel rejection or inferiority in the company of other children? By whom? Inferior by what criteria? B= (23,24,25,26,70,142,143).

 

18. Were you ever told you were responsible for the general well being of your siblings or others, and that whatever happened to them was your responsibility? Who did? About whom? Concerning what matters were you responsible? B= (44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51,52,53, 54,141,143).

 

19. Were you ever made to understand in some way (negative or positive) that in order for someone to be acceptable and lovable, one must: B= (141,142,143).

___a. Be better than the others?

___b. Be first at everything?

___c. Be perfect, without faults?

___d. Be intelligent and clever?

___e.  Be handsome / beautiful?

___f.  Have perfect order and cleanliness at home?

___g.  Have great success in his/her love life?

___h.  Be financially and socially successful?

___i.  Be accepted by everyone?

___j.  Be active in many ways? Achieve many things?

___k.  Always satisfy the needs of others?

___l.   Never say “no” to others?

___m. Never express his/her personal needs?

 

20. Did anyone ever make you believe in some way that you were incapable of thinking, making decisions, or achieving things by yourself, and that you would always need to depend on others? Who passed on this message to you? About what matters were you supposedly “incapable” of making decisions or handling life properly? B= (91,92,93,94,142,143).

 

21. Did you ever have role models (parents, older siblings or others) who were, or still are, so dynamic and competent that you felt: B= (95,96,97,98,141,142,143).

a.  The need to be like them?

b. The need to prove your worth, to reach or even surpass these models?

c. Despair, self-rejection, abandonment of effort, self-destructive tendencies (possibly subconscious), because you believed you could never measure up to them?

In connection with whom has any of this occurred (a, b or c) and with what criteria of success?

 

22. Has there ever been in your environment someone with unexpected, unpredictable, nervous or even schizophrenic behavior (possibly alcohol or drug induced) making it difficult for you to anticipate what he or she might do next? Have they engaged in violent behavior (physical or psychological)? By whom, and what was the behavior like? B=  (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,11,12,13,14,15,16,99,100, 101,102,103,104,105,106,107,108,135,142)

 

23. Have you felt rejection towards or shame concerning one of your parents? For whom and why? B= (109,110,111,112,142,143).

 

24. Did you ever make the discovery that one of your parents had an extra-marital affair? When and under what circumstances? How did you feel about that?

B= (83,104,109,110,111,112).

 

25. Did anyone often speak to you about a vengeful, punishing God or about the “Devil?” Who did, and in what context? B= (1,62,63,64,65,113,114,135,141,142,143).

 

26. Did you ever feel that someone told you one thing but did another, that there was no consistency in their words, that they had a double standard – one for themselves and another for others – or that they were hypocritical, false and deceptive? Who and when? Concerning what topics? B= (115,116, 117,118,119,120,121).

 

27. Upon what was your parents’ security based?

___a) on money?

___b) on the others’ opinions?

___c) on education?

___d) on personal power?

___e) on the unity of the family?

___f) on property?

___g) on one’s spouse?

___h) other? _________________________

B= (122,123,124,125,126,127,128,129,142,143).

 

28. Were you a spoiled child who always got whatever you wanted, and to whom no one ever refused a favor? B= (131,132,142).

 

29. Did anyone suppress your freedom of movement and expression? Did they force you to do things you did not want to do? (study, visits, dress). Did they forbid you to do things you wanted to do? What were you forced to do or prevented from doing? B= (135,136,137,138,142,143).

 

30. (FOR WOMEN). Did anyone in some way try to make you believe that since you are a girl:

a. You are worth less than a man?

b. You are not safe without a man?

c.  Sex is dirty (a sin)?

d. You must be married in order to be socially accepted?

e. You are less competent than men?

f.  Your only mission is to serve others?

g. You must not express your needs, feelings or opinions?

h. You must submit yourself to your husband?

i.  You must be attractive to be acceptable?

B= (133 a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o, 141,142.143).

 

31. (FOR MEN). Did anyone in some way try to make you believe that since you are a boy:

a. You must be strong?

b. You must be superior, more competent, stronger and more intelligent than your wife?

c. Your self worth is measured according to the success of your love life or the number of your sexual conquests?

d. Your worth is measured according to your professional (financial) success?

e. You must compare yourself with other men?

B= (134 a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l, 141,142,143).

 

ADDITIONAL AIDS FOR THE

SEARCH INTO THE CHILDHOOD YEARS

 

In addition to this list of childhood experiences, we can also search the past in the following ways:

 

1. Through childhood regressions: Guided by a well-trained professional, we can re-experience memories of the past.

 

2.  By writing the story of our childhood years, we can strengthen our contact with the details of the past. This can be written in the first person, but even better in the third person, as if we are chronicling the life of some other person. This enables us to be more objective and honest in our observations. We will discover patterns of behavior that we tend to repeat throughout the years. We will find the experiences that have marked our subconscious, creating our emotional mechanisms.

This life story need not be detailed in chronological order. Each day, we can add whatever we remember in any order.

The first comment made by many people is, “ I don’t remember anything before the age of ten. How will I do this?”  This is no problem. As we start to write, the subconscious will be awakened and memories will start flowing forth. The more we write, the more the memories will be activated.

Placing old photographs before us as we write will help, as will asking parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts and older brothers and sisters what they can remember. We are not obligated to accept their interpretation of the past, but their words may trigger other memories.

Best results will be obtained if we dedicate at least twenty minutes daily to this process for at least three months.

 

The basic guidelines for writing the story of our childhood years are:

a. Add whatever additional memories you remember each day.

b. It need not to be in chronological order.

c. We can write in the third or first person.

d. Ask others (parents, uncles, aunts, siblings, grandparents) what they remember.

e. Look at old pictures.

 

3. A questionnaire for getting acquainted with the inner child

Answering these questions will assist our investigation into the messages we might have received in our childhood years. Complete the following sentences with at least three answers for each if possible. Also, try to remember exactly what happened which caused you to come to those assumptions.

a. As a child, I heard that my most significant faults were…..

b. As a child, I felt guilty about/for….

c. Some messages I received about God were…

d. Some messages I received about sex were…

e. Some messages I received about money were…

f. I felt rejection when…

g. I felt fear when…

h. I felt shame or inferiority when…

  i. I felt abandonment when

 

4. A deeper questionnaire concerning our beliefs

The following questionnaire will give us supplementary information concerning the programmings we developed in those early years. Please answer as honestly as you can, allowing enough time to establish contact with the various parts of your personality.  Do not be surprised by needs, desires, beliefs and feelings that seem to conflict or be contradictory. This is quite common and natural for a person in the process of evolution who is passing through changes in his values, beliefs and needs.

 

Give three or more answers to each question.

 

A. The basis for our feelings of security.

 

1. The three positive human characteristics which I value most are …

2. The three negative human characteristics that I find most unacceptable are…

3. I love and accept myself more when ….

4. I feel guilty when …

5. I have negative feelings when…

6. I feel happy when …

7. I feel insecure when…

8. I feel secure when…

9. I do not believe I can ….

10. If my house were on fire and I could save only three objects (excluding people or animals), they would be…..

11. My three strongest fears are….

 

B. How I perceive others and how I believe they perceive me.

12. How I believe my spouse or love partner perceives me. (Or previous spouse or love partner. Or all spouses and love partners we have had until now.)

13. Three of my spouse’s (love partner’s) positive traits are …

14. Three of my spouse’s (love partner’s) negative traits are…

15. How I believe my parents perceive me….

16. My parents always told me that I was unable to …

17. The criticism I heard most often from my parents was…

18. Three of my father’s positive qualities were/are…

19. Three of my father’s negative qualities were/are…

20. Three of my mother’s positive qualities were/are…

21. Three of my mother’s negative qualities were/are…

22. This is how I remember my parents’ relationship until I was 21 years old.

23. I find it difficult to forgive others for…

 

C. How I see myself.

24. I feel weak and vulnerable when …

25. The criticism I hear most often from those around me is…

26. Three of my positive character traits are…

27. Three of my weaknesses or faults are …

28. I find it difficult to forgive myself for…

29. I feel unable to …

30. I wish I could …

31. I imagine God to be…

33. I feel God in my life when …. and in this way …

34. My life purpose is ….

 

35. Now imagine that you are writing to a very good friend whom you have not seen since grammar school, and you want to describe yourself to him. How would you do it?

 

Having discovered various experiences, which in the past were painful for us or have programmed us in negative ways, we can go on to analyze each experience separately with the help of the following questionnaire.

 

ANALYSIS OF UNPLEASANT CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

 

a. Describe an experience or general situation which was unpleasant, that made you feel fear, sorrow, guilt, rejection, danger, injustice, jealousy or any other unpleasant emotion.

b. What were the exact emotions you felt as a child?

c. What thoughts did you have, or what conclusions did you reach as a child because of this experience or situation?

d. In what way did you react then as a child?

e. What effect did this experience have upon you later in life, or even today?

f. If you could have been absolutely open and honest at that time, what would you have said to your parents, teachers, God or to others who played a part (or who were with you) in this event or in this situation concerning:

1. What you felt?

2. Your needs and desires?

3. What you wanted them to do or not do?

(Write the answers in the second person, as if you were speaking directly to them or writing them a letter).

 

When you finish with one experience or situation, go on to another and another, answering the same questions.

 

 

EXPRESSING THE EMOTIONS OF OUR CHILDHOOD YEARS

 

Once we have established contact with some of the unexpressed emotions, needs and beliefs of our childhood years, the next stage is to express and release them without, of course, hurting others. Some ways in which we can do this are listed here.

 

1. Write letters to the people who played an important role in the unpleasant and pleasant experiences of your childhood (parents, teachers, uncles, aunts, siblings, grandparents, others). We will not necessarily send these letters. We simply need to write them, in order to recognize and express what is hidden within us.

a. Communicate totally, openly and honestly.

b. Add new thoughts and feelings each day.

c.  Do not concern yourself with chronological order.

d. Express how you felt at that young age (not how you see it or explain it now).

e. Release and express your negative and positive feelings.

f.  Express the needs, feelings, desires and thoughts you had at that time.

We will also want to express our positive feelings, love and gratitude.

 

2. Read these letters to someone who is experienced in active listening and psychodrama.

a. If you find that reading these letters causes strong feelings, take time to express and release those feelings before you continue reading. You may then need to switch to an emotional release technique. Do not keep these emotions locked inside you.

b. You may need to read these letters additional times until the emotional charge is released. You can read it as many times as necessary until you are able to read it without feeling upset about the letter’s content.

 

3. Below is a more detailed questionnaire that will help with the clarification and expression of exactly what we felt, needed and believed as children. It is best if we write with the opposite hand than the one with which we usually write.  In this way, we can more easily connect with the weakness, difficulty and vulnerability we experienced in those childhood years. It also stimulates the opposite side of the brain, bringing more memories to the surface.

 

Questions which aid in expressing our feelings as children

 

We imagine that one of the persons who played an important role in our childhood experiences is asking us these questions. We answer the questions separately for each person with whom we want to communicate.

It does not matter if the soul we are writing to has left his or her physical body. It does not matter whether the other can fully understand what we are writing. We are not writing this to give it to anyone (although, if we feel that it will help the other, we are free to do so). We are writing this in order to discover, understand and express ourselves more deeply.

We have everything to gain by being as honest as possible by answering from our inner child. If there are matters about which our inner child feels differently from our adult, we can express both sides if we choose, but it is best to place emphasis on the inner child’s opportunity to express it self.

These are the questions we are being asked by this person:

 

a. Tell me, when you were a child, did I do anything which upset you, hurt you or made you feel fear, rejection, guilt, injustice, bitterness, disappointment, guilt, anger or some other negative emotion?

b. Please tell about each occasion, situation or behavior separately. Give me the complete details:

1. What exactly did I do or not do?

2. How did you feel?

3. What did you think then?

4. What conclusions did you draw about yourself?

5. What conclusions did you draw about me?

c. Did you feel that I had high expectations of you, that I wanted you to be something special? Please explain to me exactly what you believed I wanted you to be physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, etc. Perhaps because I praised you for some things, you believed that I accepted and loved you only if you excelled in those areas?

1. How did you feel about that?

2. What did you think then?

3. What conclusions did you draw about your self worth and love in general?

d. What other emotions would you like to express to me?

e. What did you need from me then which I did not give you enough of?

f.  What would you have liked me to do then which I did not do?

g. What would you have preferred that I not do which I did?

h. Did you ever feel guilt, shame or self-rejection as a child?

1. At what times and for what reasons? What did you do, say or think?

2. What did you believe which made you feel guilty?

3. Did I, in any way, cause you to feel guilty in those situations? How?

4. Were others also instrumental in causing you to feel guilty? Who, and for what?

5. What would you like to say to me or to the others concerning those situations?

i. What could I do now, to help you feel better?

j. What could you yourself do now in order to feel better?

 

The above questions help us clarify what we need to express and release. The rest of the questions have to do with the process of transformation, and are best left until we feel we are ready to accept what happened, to forgive the perpetrators, and move on with a clean state. We will present them here but they should be used only when we are ready

Questions which aid in transforming:

 

k. What thought-forms (conclusions, beliefs) were created in you then due to those experiences?

l. Which of those thought-forms (conclusions, beliefs) have you totally overcome, and which are still alive in you, even to a small degree?

m. What do you think was my inner state, which caused me to behave the way I did then? (Remember that we are imagining that the person who may have hurt us with his behavior is asking us these questions.)

n. What do you think were the motives, needs, feelings, and beliefs that caused me to behave the way I did then?

o. If the spiritual truth that “life gives us exactly what we need as souls in evolution in order to evolve and develop spiritual virtues,” is actually true, what could be the lessons or the virtues which you are being asked to work on here?

p. What do you need to learn here in order to be happy?

q. Which beliefs do you need to change here in order to free yourself from the false beliefs of the past?

r. What do you need to do or believe in order to forgive me and free yourself from my presence in your subconscious?

s. What do you need to do or believe in order to forgive yourself and enjoy your purity and goodness?

t. What changes do you want to make in your lifestyle in order to find harmony and strength? How and when will you make these changes?

 

POSITIVE MESSAGES FOR OUR INNER CHILD

 

The following is a list of possible messages for our inner child, which can be strengthened internally by:

a. Writing them in a letter to the inner child

b. Introducing them to the inner child while in the transformation regression.

c. Replaying them our daily communication with the inner child.

d. Making a relaxation cassette with these messages.

 

1. I accept and love you exactly as you are.

2. I appreciate you and respect you.

3. I feel affection and tenderness for you.

4. You are free to do what you like provided you are not hurting anybody.

5. You are capable and strong.

6. There is an infinite spiritual power within you that protects you from illness, traumas and dangers.

7. Your body is healthy, strong and resistant to illness.

8. You live in divine justice which brings to you only what is useful for your development.

9. You selected your parents and the events of your childhood, and thus you created the perfect conditions for your development.

10. There is a Divine Power that guides you from within.

11. There is within you a knowing and wise voice that always leads you correctly in your life. Follow it.

12. You have the right and the responsibility to express your inner strength and beauty creatively.

13. You deserve love and respect from everyone, regardless of your appearance, social position, profession, knowledge, achievements, or what others think of you.

14. Your self worth is the same as that of every other soul, no more and no less.

15. No one else can create or be responsible for your happiness, health or success.

16. You cannot create or assume responsibility for the happiness, health or success of others.

17. You are an eternal, divine consciousness in the process of developing the ability to express the beauty that exists within you.

18. Everything is God. There is no one or thing that is not the expression of the one universal consciousness (God). You are no exception.

19. It is not necessary to live your life according to the convictions or expectations of your parents or anyone else. Love, respect and help them, but live according to your own principles, needs and convictions.

20. Your “parents” are eternal souls in a process of evolution whom you selected to play these roles in this incarnation. Your only real parent is God.

21. You have the same worth, wisdom, strength, and rights as the eternal souls who played the role of your parents.

22. Whatever anyone did to harm you was out of ignorance or fear.

23. Your parents were once children who were programmed by their parents.

 

Having healed the inner child through these truths, we are now ready to begin the process of forgiveness, which is our liberation from the past. If upon working with your childhood years you realize that you need to forgive others or yourself, refer to the chapter on forgiveness in the book Relationships of Conscious Love by the same author. (This chapter can also be found on our web site)

LIST OF POSSIBLE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

LIST OF POSSIBLE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

LIST OF POSSIBLE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

 

Following you will find a list of possible childhood experiences. Perhaps they may not have occurred exactly as described here, but may have been similar. You may be reminded of something else you may want to note down.

 

These childhood experiences may have created a mistaken, inferior image of ourselves.

 

Note: (The numbers after each experience refers to the list of beliefs – subconscious conclusions of the child, which may have been programmed into the child’s vulnerable mind because of these experiences).

 

Wherever the questions refer to your parents or other persons of your childhood, think not only of the parents, but also of stepmothers, stepfathers, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters, cousins, teachers and whatever other people existed in your life as a child and up to the age of 18.

 

YES —- NO —-1. Was it someone who got angry at you, scolded you, rejected you or accused you? Who and when?

 

YES —- NO —- 2. Were there people who fought among themselves or rejected or hurt one another? Who and when?

 

YES —- NO —- 3. Have you ever experienced the feeling of abandonment? Were you ever left alone, or felt that others didn’t understand you, or that there was no support? When? By whom? How?

 

YES —- NO —- 4. Did you ever feel the need for more affection, tenderness or expression of love? From whom and when (during which periods)?

 

YES —- NO —- 5. Were there persons in your environment who were often ill or who spoke often of illness? Who and when?

 

YES —- NO —- 6. Did you ever experience the feeling of humiliation in the presence of others or in connection with others? In which cases?

 

YES —- NO —- 7. Were you ever compared to others as to whether you were less or more capable or worthy? To whom, in which instances, and in connection with what abilities or character traits?

 

YES —- NO —- 8. Have you ever lost a loved one? Who and when?

 

YES —- NO —- 9. Did anyone ever approach you sexually without your consent?

 

YES —- NO —- 10. Were you ever aware of your parents or anyone else making love? Who and when? How did you feel and what did you think?

 

YES —- NO —- 11. Did your parents ever state that you were the only reason they continued staying together and that that had been a big sacrifice on their part? Or, did they ever tell you they have sacrificed a great deal for your sake, and that you are indebted to them? Who? When? About what matters? What exactly do you owe them.

 

YES —- NO —- 12. Did they ever accuse you for being the cause for their unhappiness or illness or problems? Who accused you and about what exactly? What did they mean that it was your fault, what does this fact mean to you? According to them what should you have done?

 

YES —- NO —- 13. Did they ever tell you that you are not going to achieve anything in your life, that you are lazy or incapable, or dumb? Who, when and concerning what matters?

 

YES —- NO —- 14. Were you ever caught playing with your genitals (alone or with others) and did anyone make you feel guilty for that? Who? When? What was their message?

 

YES —- NO —- 15. Did they often speak about guilt and punishment (either from some person (parent, police) or God)? Who? When? About what types of guilt and what type of punishment?

 

YES —- NO —- 16. Did any teacher ever make you feel humiliated in front of other children? When? How? Concerning what?

 

YES —- NO —- 17. In the company of other children, did you ever feel rejection or inferiority? By whom, and inferior by what criteria?

 

YES —- NO —- 18. Were you ever told that you were responsible for your siblings or for others in general, and that whatever happens to them is your responsibility? Who did? About whom? Concerning what matters were you responsible?

 

YES —- NO —- 19. Were you ever made to understand by some way (negative or positive) that, in order for someone to be acceptable and lovable, one must:

 

a. Be better than the others?

 

b. Be first at everything?

 

c. Be perfect, without faults?

 

d. Be intelligent and clever?

 

e. Be handsome / beautiful?

 

f. Have perfect order and cleanliness at home?

 

g. Have great success in his/her love life?

 

h. Have financial and social success?

 

i. Be accepted by everyone — him?

 

j. Be active in many ways? Achieve many things?

 

k. Always satisfy the needs of others?

 

l. Never say “no” to others?

 

m. Not to express his/her needs?

 

YES —- NO —- 20. Did they ever make you understand in some way that you are incapable of thinking, making decisions or achieving things by yourself, and that you will always need to listen to advice and depend on others? Who passed on this message to you? About what matters are you supposedly “incapable” of makind decisions or hundling properly?

 

YES —- NO —- 21. Did you ever have role models (parents, older siblings or others) who were, or still are, very dynamic and competent so that you felt:

 

YES —- NO —- a. The need to be like them?

 

YES —- NO —- b. The need to prove your worth; to be like them, to reach or even surpass these models?

 

YES —- NO —- c. Dispair, self-rejection, abandonment of effort, perhaps self-destructive (possibly subconscious) tendencies because you believed you could never measure up to them?

 

In connection with whom has any of this occured (a,c or c) and with what criteria of success?

 

YES —- NO —- 22. Has there ever been in your environment someone with unexpected, unpredictable, nervous or even schizophrenic behavior (possibly alcoholic or drug addict) so that you might not know what to expect from him? Has there been violence (physical or psychological)? By whom and what was the behavior like?

 

YES —- NO —- 23. Have you felt rejection or shame for one of your parents? For whom and why?

 

YES —- NO —- 24. Did you ever make the discovery that one of your parents has had an extra-marital affair? When and under what circumstances? How did you feel about that?

 

YES —- NO —- 25. Did they speak to you often about God the punisher? Who did, and about what?

 

YES —- NO —- 26. Did you ever feel that they told you one thing but did another, that there was no consistency to their word, that they had a double standard, one for themselves and another for the others, or that they were hypocrites, false and not true? Who and when? Concerning what topics?

 

YES —- NO —- 27. Upon what was your parents’ security based?

 

a) on money?

b) on the opinion of others?

c) on education?

d) on personal power?

e) on the unity of the family?

f) on property?

g) on one’s mate?

h) other?

YES —- NO —- 28. Were you a spoiled child that always had whatever it wanted and to whom no one ever refused a favour?

 

YES —- NO —- 29. Did they suppress your freedom of movement and expression? Did they force you to do things you did not want to do? (study, visits, dress). Did they forbid you to do things you wanted to do? What were you forced to do or prevented from doing?

 

YES —- NO —- 30. (FOR WOMEN ONLY). Did they in some way make you understand that since you are a girl:

 

a. You are worth less?

b. You are not safe without a man?

c. Sex is dirty (a sin)?

d. In order to be socially acceptable you must get married?

e. You are less competent than men?

f. Your only mission is to serve others?

g. You must not express your needs, your feelings, your opinion?

h. You must submit your self to your husband?

i. You must be beautiful to be acceptable?

 

YES —- NO —- 31. (FOR MEN ONLY). Did they in some way make you understand that since you are a boy:

 

a. You must be strong?

b. You must be superior, more competent, stronger and more intelligent than your wife?

c. Your worth is measured according to the success of your love life?

d. Your worth is measured according to your professional (financial) success?

e. You must compare yourself with other men?

LIST OF POSSIBLE BELIEFS OR “FALSE CHILDHOOD CONCLUSIONS”

LIST OF POSSIBLE BELIEFS OR “FALSE CHILDHOOD CONCLUSIONS”

LIST OF POSSIBLE BELIEFS OR “FALSE CHILDHOOD CONCLUSIONS” RESULTING FROM CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

a. Perhaps the beliefs you are searching for are expressed somewhat differently than  in the phrases below.
b. Some phrases may seem more correct in another person, for example you or he or she.
c. Give time to yourself to search deeply inside you so you may see if there is still a small part of yourself that believes or feels what is here expressed.
d.  The numbers after the beliefs refer to the list of childhood experiences that could make someone form such beliefs.
BELIEFS – CHILDHOOD CONCLUSIONS
1. I’m unworthy, no matter what I do. (1,2)
2. I’m unworthy when I’m scolded, rejected, accused or when others are angry at me. (1,2)
3. I’m in danger when others are angry at me, when they scold, accuse or reject me. (1,2)
4. People don’t love me. (1,2)
5. People are aggressive. (1,2)
6. I’m responsible for the misery of others. (1,2)
7. I’m bad, evil. (1)
8. I’m alone in life. (1,2,3,6,7,8)
9. I am unprotected, vulnerable, in danger. (1,2,3)
10. No one wants to be with me. (1,2,3)
11. I’m not worthy of a permanent, steady relationship – I will be abandoned. (3)
12. There is no steady support, friendship, love in this world, or, if there is, I cannot have it or I    am not worthy of it. (1,2,3)
13. I am unworthy of affection, tenderness or expression of love. (1,3,4)
14. I am and will be treated unjustly. There is no justice. (1,3,4)
15. I cannot have what I want or what I need. (4)
16. I must not ask for what I need. (4)
17. The human body is weak and vulnerable to illness and pain. (5)
18. I’m in danger of getting sick, feeling pain, or dying. (5)
20. It’s my fault when someone close to me is ill. (5)
21. I have no right to be happy or in a good mood when others are sick. (5)
22. Illness shows weakness and I must not get sick so as not to show weakness. (5)
23. My selfworth is measured in relation to how I compare with others. (6,17)
24. Others  accept me  and want me only if they believe me to be strong and superior. (6,17)
25. Without others I’m unworthy and insecure. (6,17)
26. I must prove my worth in comparison to the others. (7,17)
27. Others don’t love me enough to stay with me. (3,8)
28. It’s my fault when someone close to me  dies. I’m guilty. (8)
29. I didn’t treat someone right before he died. I’m guilty. (3,8)
30. I cannot trust men (women). (1,3,8,9,10)
31. Those of the opposite sex want me only for my body. (9,10)
32. I’m guilty because I let  it happen. (9)
33. I’m in danger of men  women). (1,9,10)
34. Sex is violence. (9,10)
35. The sexual act is violent and causes pain. (9,10)
36. The sexual act is a compulsory act that to which one is submited by his companion. (9,10)
37. The sexual act is dirty and brutal. (9,10)
38. I must definitely repay others what they have given me. (11,12)
39. I don’t want to receive anything from anyone because then I’ll be indebted to them. I will not be free. (11,12)
40. I am always obligated to others no matter what I do. (11,12)
41. I must sacrifice what I believe in and want, in order to satisfy my parents (or others). (11,12)
42. The others are obliged to me for what I do for them. (11,12)
43. I’ m guilty because I have taken more than I have given (12)
44. I ‘m guilty (responsible) for the others’ reality (for their health, peace, success etc. (1,12,18)
45. I’m unworthy when those around me (especially children, companion, parents, brothers or sisters, friends) are not well. I am unsuccessful in my role. (11,18)
46. I have no right to be well, happy, in a good mood or to rest when others have problems or are not well. (11,12,18)
47. Others are responsible for my unhappiness, illness, failure. (11,12,18)
48. I must save others and the world. People are incapable of doing it themselves. (11,12,18)
49. Others don’t know, they must listen to me. I must solve their problems. (11,12,18)
50. I cannot have confidence in others to do things because they might make mistakes. (11,12,18)
51. If I don’t do it, no one will. (11,12,18)
52. I am treated unjustly because I always help and sacrifice myself for others, but they don’t help me when I need help. (11,12,18)
53. I must be always strong, must never show weakness or ask for help. (11,12,18)
54. Others must understand and respond to my needs without my expressing them (perhaps as I do to them). (11,12,18)
55. I am incapable. (11,12,13)
56. I am lazy. (13)
57. I’m not intelligent. (13)
58. I will be unable to succeed in my purpose. (12)
59. I must prove my selfworth to the others. (11,12,13)
60. I will never be able to prove my worth to the others. (13)
61. I am bad, dirty and guilty because I have sexual drives, feelings or needs. (14)
62. I am unworthy of God’s love. (1,3,4,5,7,8,9,11,12,13,14,22, 25)
63. I am a sinner, and God does not love me. (14,15)
64. God will punish me in life. Bad things will  definitely happen. (14,15)
65. Things cannot be always pleasant. (14,15)
66. Teachers and people of authority want to oppress me, to make me feel inferior, hurt me. (16)
67. I am in danger of being controlled by those in positions of power. (1,2,16)
68. We must fight authority. (1,16)
69. Others will laugh at me,  make fun of me. (16)
70. Others cannot be trusted. (1,3,6,7,17)
71. I must be better than the others in order to be worthy, loved and secure. (19a)
72. I must excel to be worthy. (19b, 19c)
73. I must be perfect, without faults. (19c)
74. I must not show weakness. (19c)
75. I must be more intelligent and informed than the others so that I may be worthy and accepted. (19d)
76. I must be handsome/beautiful (in order to be accepted). (19e)
77. I must have beautiful and new clothes, and to improve my appearance in different ways so that others may accept and love me. (19e)
78. My home (car, clothes etc.) must be absolutely clean and orderly so that I may be worthy. (19f)
79. I can’t relax unless everything is in order and clean. (19f)
80. Others must help me to keep things in order and clean. (19f)
81. Others are dirty and incapable. (19f)
82. I must be desired by many women (men) in order to be worthy. (19g)
83. I cannot trust my companion, he will deceive me (cheat on me). (19g)
84. Without financial and/or social success and recognition, I will not be worthy in the eyes of others. They will not pay attention to me, nor will they have esteem for me. (19h)
85. I must be happier than others to be worthy. (19h)
86. My worth depends on the opinion of the others. If they don’t accept me, I am not worthy. I must have their acceptance. (19i)
87. I am worthy only if I do a lot of things (or more than the others do). (19j)
88. I must satisfy others. They must be satisfied with me in order to be worthy. (19k)
89. I cannot say “no” to others, I will lose their love. They won’t want me. (19l)
90. I must not express my needs because: (19m)
a. I don’t have the right to.
b. The others don’t reciprocate.
c. It’s a sin.
d. I will be hurt.
91. I am incapable to think, to decide for myself. I must find someone to tell me what to do. (20)
92. I am incapable to face life’s difficulties, I must find someone to help me. (20)
93. If I become sick, they won’t ask me to have take on any responsibilities. (20)
94. It’s my parents’ fault that my life is a failure. (20)
95. I must become like my parents (or others). I must be equally perfect, dynamic, successful,    in order to be worthy and accept myself. (21)
96. I will never be able to measure up to my parents, I am unworthy. It’s better if I destroy myself. (21)
97. I reject the status quo and all this deception called success. I reject the system, I don’t want to belong to it. (21)
98. Those who are successful are unjust to the less fortunate. We must fight injustice. (21)
99. I cannot trust others (men, women, people around me) because at some point they will insult me. (21)
100. I am not worthy of respect and love. (1,22)
101. I am a mistake. (1,22)
102. My feelings don’t count. (1,22)
103. I am afraid of authority (parent, teacher, companion, people in charge). I will be hurt. (1,22)
104. I am afraid of a close relationship, I will be hurt. I’m in danger. (1,22)
105. I am afraid of criticism and aggressiveness. I’m in danger. (1,22)
106. Others will take advantage of me. (1,22)
107. I must not express my needs, nobody will listen, I will be hurt. (1,22)
108. I must not show my feelings. I must not show pain. (1,6,18,22)
109. My parent is not (was not) right. He is unworthy. He is unjust. (1,22,23)
110. Since my parent is unworthy, I am too. (1,22,23)
111. I am ashamed of my parents and myself. (1,22,23)
112. I don’t want to be like my father (mother). I don’t want to have the same weakness and to    make the same mistakes. (1,22,23)
113. God does not love me unconditionally. He gets angry at my faults, He will punish me. (15,25)
114. Something bad will happen to me. (I will get sick, my children will get sick and die. I will die, I will go mad(. (15,25)
115. People are double faced. They show one things but they think another and they do even another still. (22,26)
116. I am in danger of men, I cannot trust them. (1,22,26)
117. People are evil and want to use me . They want something of me. (26)
118. I must not rely on others, they will not be consistent and I will be hurt. (22,26)
119. I must not be truthful, otherwise I will lose in my transactions with other people. (26)
120. I must not show my true feelings. (26)
121. I am unworthy of, or cannot have, truthfulness from other people. (22,26)
122. I am not safe without enough money. (27)
123. I am not safe without other people’s acceptance. (27)
124. Without education I am not safe in this world. My child is not safe without education. (27)
125. Without family support ,I’m not safe. (3,27)
126. Without wealth I am not safe, nor are my children. (3,27)
127. Without a companion I am not safe. (27)
128. Without _________ I am not safe. (27)
129. I ‘m in general in danger. (1,3,8,22,27)
130. They must give me what I want when I want it – otherwise they don’t love me and then I’m not worthy. (28)
131. If they don’t give me what I want, I am not worthy and I am in danger. (28)
132. I cannot cope by myself, I need the others to give me what I need. (28)
133. I am a girl (woman) and so (30)
a. I’m worth less (or not at all).
b. I have fewer rights.
c. I am weak.
d. I am not safe without a man.
e. I must have a husband in order to be socially accepted.
f. I must not like sex.
g. I am incapable to deal with (machines, money, heavy work, “a man’s business”, with life in general).
h. My only reason to exist is only to serve my family. Otherwise I have no purpose.
i. My worth is valued by my appearance.
j. My worth is valued according to my children’s health, happiness, success.
k. I must submit to my husband (perhaps also to my children) and I must not express my own needs, feelings, opinions.
l. They won’t respect me no matter what I do.
m. I must not show that I’m worth as much as (or more than) men.
n. I must be (become) strong like a man in order to succeed in a man’s world, in order to be accepted and be worthy.
o. Men are my enemies and I must compete with them.
p. A man, with his behavior, will show me whether I am worthy or not.
134. I am a boy (man) and so (31) (ONLY FOR MEN)
a. I must be strong. I must not show weakness.
b. If I show weakness I won’t be accepted. I won’t be worthy.
c. I must be stronger than my wife. (More clever, able, successful etc.)
d. I must be wanted / desired by many women in order to be worthy.
e. My happiness is found in a woman.
f. A woman, by her behavior, will determine my selfworth.
g. My selfworth is valued according to my professional success (by comparison to the others in my circle).
h. My selfworth is measured according to how much money I have and how much wealth amass.
i. I must never cry.
j. I must not show a lot of feeling, tenderness or affection.
k. Illness is weakness. I must not get sick. I will be rejected.
l. My wife and children must obey me.
135. Without chemical substances I cannot face life (be calm, free).
a) Alcohol, b) Various types of food, c) cigarettes, d) hashish, e) drugs, f) coffee, g) sweets, h) chocolate etc. (22,25,29).
136. Without sex or love I cannot feel well (9,10,14,25,29,30,31)
137. Without travelling I cannot feel well (free). (29)
138.j They want to repress me, to restrict me. (29)
139. I must fight for my freedom. (29)
140. I must not allow any possible activity take place without personal participation. Otherwise I will miss something important. I won’t be free. (16,29)
141. I have no right to spend time
a. for myself
b. for my relaxation
c. for my health or development.
It is selfish. (11,12,13,15,18,19,21,25,30,31)
142. I can feel happy, secure and worthy only with this particular person, thing, situation, substance, activity. Nothing else will help me feel well. Not even something similar. (1,3,4,8,9,13,15,16,17,19,20,21,22,23,25,27,28,29,30,31)
143. If I don’t succeed in this particular endeavour, I will be unworthy and unhappy. (1,2,6,7,11,12,13,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,23,25,27,29,30,31)
SOME BELIEFS WHICH LEAD TO THE ROLE OF THE SELF – RIGHTEOUS- “GOOD” PERSON
144. I will be accepted only if I am right, good, in their eyes.
145. I must do what the others consider correct and good so that I might have their approval.
146. A good, correct (upstanding) person is worth more than the others.
147. Only if I am superior I am worthy.
148. If I am unworthy, then the others won’t want me, I will be alone and unsafe because I won’t even have God’s protection. If I am unworthy, I am in danger.

CERTAIN CONVICTIONS THAT LEAD TO THE WAY OF PERFECTION, STRENGTH
149. I am worthy and safe only if I am strong, able, perfect.
150. If my weaknesses (faults) show:
a. I will be rejected, humiliated, ridiculed. I will lose people’s respect, esteem, love.
b. I will be deserted.
c. I will be taken advantage of.
d. I will be dominated, controlled and I will lose my freedom.
151. He who has weaknesses:
a. Is unworthy.
b. Is vulnerable and he will be hurt, he will be made to suffer by others and by life in general.
152. Life is difficult, hard and there is no protection, no compassion. I must be strong to survive.
153. I am the only strength in my life.
154. Other people are incapable for doing anything right. I cannot rely on them. They ‘re going to mess up things.
155. My strength, ability and perfection are measured according to the results of my efforts (not by the effort or motives so much).
156. Man is worthy according to his abilities and achievements.
157. In order to be worthy, I must do everything to perfection.
CONVICTIONS THAT LEAD TO THE ROLE OF VICTIM
158. Other people are responsible for my reality, my problems, my happiness, my unhappiness, my health, my illness.
159. I have been treated unjustly by other people, by life, by God.
160. I am unworthy of something better. I cannot have anything better.
161. As long as I am treated unjustly, then I’m JUSTIFIED because the others are unjust. As long as I am treated unjustly, then I am upstanding and am worthy.
162. I cannot protect myself from others. If I clash, I will be wounded and hurt. Better to yield, to repress myself, to sacrifice myself.
163. I am responsible for other people’s reality. Therefore I must sacrifice myself for them.
164. I am an inferior being and I haven’t the right to express my needs, my feelings, my convictions.
165. If I don’t comply, I will be hurt.
166. I’m incapable to face life on my own. I need other people. Thus I must submit to the injustice in order that they don’t find me out.
167. I am guilty and not worthy of anything better.
168. I’m a woman and it is my role to sacrifice myself.
CONVICTIONS THAT LEAD TO THE ROLE OF THE WEAK, THE INCAPABLE, THE CHILD
169. I am incapable to face the difficulties of life.
170. I am not capable enough to satisfy my parents’ demands, to fulfill the plans they have for me.
171. I won’t be accepted, I won’t be loved if I try and don’t succeed. Better not to take a chance.
172. Life is difficult and dangerous.
173. I need my parents (companion, brother etc.) in order to feel secure. Without them I am in danger.
174. I am weak, without enough intelligence or abilities or  talents. I have no qualifications. I am unworthy and will not succeed.
175. I do not have enough discrimination to make decisions. I need other people to tell me what to do.
176. If I grow up and take responsibility for my life:
a. I will lose my purity. Grown ups are bad and immoral. God will not love me.
b. I will fail.
c. No one will pay attention to me.
d. I will get tired. I will be inconvenienced.
CONVICTIONS THAT LEAD TO THE ROLE OF BEING GUILTY, UNDESERVING, BAD, SINFUL
177. I am guilty, bad and unworthy because:
a. I have committed a sin which is …..
b. Other people have not given me love and affection and this proves I am worthless.
c. Other people have told me I am worthless.
d. Other people have deserted me (or they died), which means that I am unworthy (or unloved), or that it was God’s punishment.
e. I have not succeeded to become perfect.
f. I did not succeed to satisfy others.
g. I did not succeed to protect other people and to create for them a reality without problems (at one time brothers/sisters, now perhaps children, companion, parents).
h. I belong to an inferior race, religion, social clan.
i. I am not intelligent, capable, successful.
j. God does not love me (my parents, my grandparents told me so).
178. He who makes mistakes is guilty, sinful.
179. God does not forgive. He hates and punishes sinners. My faults cannot be forgiven.
180. He who makes mistakes is not worth having a good life (health, happiness, success, respect from others).
181. I am responsible for other people’s reality, and I am guilty when they are not happy and satisfied.
182. I am guilty when others criticise me or scold me or have a “long” face or don’t want me.
183. I am guilty when others don’t trust me.
184. I feel guilty when I don’t succeed in my purposes.
185. I am guilty because:
a. I eat too much. b. I smoke. c. I drink alcohol. d. I don’t work enough.
e. My children have problems. f. Others are not pleased with me.
g. I don’t do my best (i.e., I never say “no”). h. I don’t help as much as I could.
i. I have sexual drives.
j. Other.
186. I am guilty, no matter what I do.
187. I don’t have the right to have others respect my needs.
188. I will be punished. Something bad will happen to me or to my family.
189. All the other people are good. I am inferior.
190. I must do a great deal, more than the others, in order to be worthy.
191. When I am criticised or others raise their voice, it means I am worthless.
192. I must be perfect (in cleanliness, orderliness, appearance) in order to be worthy of love and acceptance.
193. I am selfish.
194. I don’t have the right to ask for anyone’s help.
195. No one can love me.
196. I will get sick. I will die.
197. I don’t have the right to say “no”.
CONVICTIONS THAT LEAD TO THE ROLE OF PARENT, TEACHER, SAVIOUR, PERSON-IN-CHARGE
198. I am responsible for other people:
For
a. their health
b. their happiness
c. their success
d. their harmony
e. their development
f. their security
g. Anything that happens to them.
199. If I do not create a perfect reality (as above) for them, I have failed in my role and I am worthless.
200. If others are not pleased with me, I have  failed and I am worthless.
201. If others don’t trust me, I am worthless in my role.
202. If others don’t listen to me, don’t obey me, don’t carry out my instructions, don’t follow my advice, then I am inefficient in my role and I am worthless.
203. If I am unworthy in my role, I will not have others’ esteem and consideration. I will be left alone, I am in danger.
204. If I don’t control everything around me, something might go wrong. I cannot depend on others. If I am not in control, then I am in danger.
205. If I show weakness, need or faults:
a. I will be rejected. I will be unwanted, I will be in danger.
b. They will use this knowledge of my weaknesses in order to hurt me. I will be in danger.
206. I am worthy only when I am in a superior position, i.e., teacher, saviour, parent. Only then I   am secure.
207. If others need me (as teacher, saviour, parent), they won’t abandon me. I will not be left alone.
208. When alone, I am in danger.
209. If others need me, they will love me, they will give me what I need to have from them (tenderness, affection, love – and certainly respect etc.).
210. In this role, I can control things.
CONVICTIONS WHICH LEAD TO THE ROLE OF A REVOLUTIONARY, REACTIONARY, ANTAGONIST
211. I am in danger from society, parents, teachers, authorities.
212. I may lose
a. my freedom
b. my dignity
c. my worth
d. my security
213. Others may do me wrong, may wound me, may humiliate me.
214. I am weak, impotent, vulnerable. I will not succeed in this society
a. to achieve anything
b. to protect myself
c. to be happy
215. I need others’ approval, I am worthless and unsafe without their approval and assistance.
216. I am not intelligent. I don’t possess the internal wisdom, worth and power in order to live my life without other people.
217. I am in danger when they disagree with me because
a. perhaps I am wrong
b. I need them
c. they may reprove me, and I will be hurt.
218. If I don’t react and go against them, they will think they are right and so I will lose my hts and my power.
219. I’ll show them. I will destroy myself and they will worry. They will feel guilty.
220. When they agree with me, then I’m right. Then I am worthy and secure.
221. I must fight for my  freedom and justice.
222. Other people don’t love me and I must protect myself from them.
223. If I don’t fight I will perish. I am in danger.
224. If I admit they’ re right when I perceive them to be, they will use the fact on other occasions against me.
225. People are hypocrites. They are two-faced. I cannot trust them. I am in danger.
226. I will never achieve success. Better not participate. Better to reject the entire game of    success.
227. I’m a girl (woman) and I must protect my rights in a man’s world.
228. I am a victim of racism and I must protect myself.
CONVICTIONS THAT LEAD TO THE ROLE OF SOMEONE INTELLIGENT, INFORMED, SUPERIOR, KNOWLEDGEABLE, COUNSELLOR.
229. My worth is measured according to my mental ability.
230. My mind’s worth is measured according to:
a. How it compares to others.
b. How much information it possesses.
c. How fast it works.
d. If it’s right.
e. How much others think or show with their behavior that they believe it is worthy.
231. I am not sufficiently worthy, I don’t know enough. They will reject me.
232. I will be unwanted, I will be left alone, and then I’m in danger.
233. I must learn a great deal, I must cultivate my mind.
234. I must show others that my mind is worthwhile in order that they may accept me and love me. Then I will be safe.
235. If there is someone else who knows a great deal, they will love him more. I must show that  I know more than him. I must make him look inferior and I must exaggerate my selfworth.
236. I must never acknowledge that the other person is right. If I do, I will lose my superiority.
237. Life is difficult, and I am alone. I must be intelligent in order to survive.
238. It is only those who are intelligent that attract the love, attention and tenderness they need.
239. I owe it to my parents to become educated, to become accepted for my education and my knowledge.
240. I must prove my selfworth to others.
241. I am responsible for other people and so I must be intelligent (more intelligent).
242. If I am clever, I can protect myself from the exploitation and wickedness of others.
243. I don’t want to be like my parent.
CONVICTIONS LEADING TO THE ROLE OF A PERSON INDIFFERENT, IRRESPONSIBLE, FREE, MISCHIEVOUS, RUN-WAY
244. I am worthy as long as I achieve a great deal, as long as I am able.
245. I am worthy only when I have a lot of responsibilities and succeed in dealing with them.
246. I am worthless if I do not succeed because:
a. Life is difficult.
b. I’m not intelligent, capable, strong.
c. Others are more capable than I am.
d. I’m afraid of failure.
247. If I try and, then fail, I will be rejected and then I will be alone and in danger.
248. Better not to try. Better to pretend that it doesn’t interest me, that I reject this game.
249. I will tire and will suffer if I have responsibilities. If I do nothing, others will take over.
250. Others do things better than me.
251. I reject their superficial life and their stress.
252. Better not to play, than to play and lose.
253. If I become active, they won’t pay attention to me. They will think I don’t need them.
254. Responsibility brings criticism from others in connection with the result.
255. Since God punishes for mistakes, I won’t do anything and so I won’t make mistakes.
256. I don’t want to fail like my parents.
257. I can’t trust others.
258. I am a spoiled child, they must take care of me.
CONVICTIONS LEADING TO THE ROLE OF GENERAL, DICTATOR, AGGRESSOR, SLAYER
259. I am weak and worthless, I am in danger, my safety is in danger.
260. Life and people are hard and difficult. They will hurt me.
261. I must be hard, difficult and sometimes aggressive in order to
a. Have others’ esteem
b. Be superior
c. Keep people at a distance so they won’t hurt me.
262. I don’t want them to step all over me as they did on my father (or mother).
263. I’m alone in life. No one is interested in me. If I don’t take care of myself, no one will.
264. I, alone, am right. They must listen and obey me.
265. No one loves me. They didn’t give me the tenderness and love I needed. I must get back   at them.
266. Only the strong, the leader, is worthy and important.
267. I must keep them away so they won’t hurt me.
268. Since they look upon me as bad, evil, and abusive, I might as well be that way.
269. I am responsible for others. Unless I keep them in order with a little fear, we will have problems, I will not have control.
THE ROLE OF MALE OR FEMALE
270. I am a woman (man).
271. I am secure and I am worthy only if I succeed in this role.
272. I must have a companion in order to have worth and safety.
273. Companionship is the purpose of life and the basic meaning of life.
274. Companionship is difficult and I might get hurt because:
a. The other will not love me as I am.
b. The other will hurt me.
c. The other will abandon me.
275. I cannot let myself into a relationship because I will get hurt.
276. I am worthy when:
a. My companion loves me alone, exclusively.
b. The opposite sex desires me and admires me.
c. When I am better than the others.
d. I am wanted sexually.
277. A woman must sacrifice herself for her husband (must obey him).

 

LIST OF POSSIBLE EMOTIONS

LIST OF POSSIBLE EMOTIONS

LIST OF POSSIBLE EMOTIONS

DISCOURAGED
REJECTION
ANXIETY
DEMEANED
HURT
WORRY
DISILLUSIONMENT
INSECURITY
ABUSED
ANGER
HATE
DEPRESSION
FRUSTRATION
LONELINESS
BITTERNESS
JEALOUSY
ENVY
UNWORTHY
RAGE
SELF REJECTION
SELF DOUBT
SHAME
INJUSTICE
GUILT
ABANDONMENT
OTHER

LOVE
HAPPINESS
COMPASSION
UNDERSTANDING
AFFECTION
BROTHERLINESS
UNITY
SECURE
PEACEFUL
COURAGE
ENCOURAGEMENT
JOY
PATIENCE
GRATITUDE
ACCEPTANCE
RESPECT
FULFILMENT
FAITH
HOPE
PEACE
AFFIRMATION
RESPECT
SATISFACTION
PRIDE
ESTEEM

OTHER

1. WHICH EMOTIONS WOULD YOU LIKE TO FREE YOURSELF FROM?

2. WHICH ARE THE BELIEFS FROM WHICH THESE EMOTIONS FLOW FORTH?

3. HOW DO YOU REACT WHEN YOU FEEL THESE EMOTIONS?

LIST OF POSSIBLE NEEDS

LIST OF POSSIBLE NEEDS

LIST OF POSSIBLE NEEDS
Almost all of our needs are expressions of our basic needs to protect our:

a. Feelings of Security and Safety
b. Sense of Self Worth
c. Feeling of Freedom
d. Ability to satisfy our desires and pleasures
e. To love and be loved – to belong
f. To be recognized by the whole – power
g. To live a meaningful life
h. To evolve spiritually
i. Self Actualization
j. To unite with the world and God

The above mentioned basic needs might be expressed as some of the following:

1. To have the freedom to do what I like
2. To be disciplined
3. To create and express my self
4. To be responsible towards others
5. To be loving and caring
6. To satisfy my desires
7. To forgive
8. To have my rights respected
9. To evolve spiritually
10. To have plenty of money
11. To do work which has meaning for me
12. To have a deep meaningful relationship
13. To be in harmony with my conscience
14. To beloved as I am
15. To have free time
16. To be respected
17. For affection
18. For more open communication
19. To be left alone when not feeling well
20. To avoid contact with others
21. To go out more often.
22. To have time alone when feeling the need
23. For more rest
24. For more help with the chores
25. For more attention when talking
26. For a more peaceful environment
27. To be accepted exactly as I am
28. To do more things together.
29. For more freedom of movement and expression
30. For greater responsibility from others
31. For others to be on time
32. For more help and cooperation in keeping order and cleanliness
33. To be able to behave in the way I like in my home.
34. To be able to express my self honestly
35. To express my needs to others, and have them respected
36. To have revenge
37. To find inner peace

LIST OF POSSIBLE FEARS

LIST OF POSSIBLE FEARS

LIST OF POSSIBLE FEARS
FEAR IS OUR GREATEST OBSTACLE TOWARDS HAPPINESS, GROWTH, SUCCESS, PEACE OF MIND AND HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIPS. BEHIND EVERY NEGATIVE EMOTION THERE IS SOME HIDDEN FEAR. LET US SEARCH OUT THESE FEARS AND LIBERATE OURSELVES FROM THEM. REMEMBER THAT YOU MAY NOT CONSCIOUSLY FEEL A FEAR BUT THAT IT MAY A SUBCONSCIOUS FEAR – CHECK OUT YOUR INNER CHILD.

A FEAR CAN BE EXPRESSED AS A VARIETY OF EMOTIONS SUCH AS: INSECURITY, ANXIETY, UNCOMFORTABLENESS, REJECTION FOR OTHERS OR FOR OUR SELVES, WEAKNESS, WORRY, INABILITY, CONFUSION, FEAR, DEPRESSION, DENIAL, SHOCK, HYSTERIA, PANIC, PARALYSIS, ANGER, HATE, AGGRESSIVNESS, VIOLENCE ETC.

Some of the more common fears are:

YOUR DEATH
SUDDEN DEATH BY ACCIDENT
DEATH OF A LOVED ONE
ILLNESS
BEING PARALYSED
GROWING OLD
WAR
EARTHQUAKES
SNAKES, RATS, MICE, COCKROACHES
DOGS, CATS
FAILURE AT WORK, IN RELATIONSHIPS, AT SCHOOL, AT LIFE
REJECTION FROM OTHERS
BEING LAUGHED AT BY OTHERS
CRITICISM
LONELINESS
FINANCIAL INSECURITY
OTHERS’ AGGRESSIVNESS
THE DARK
THE UNKNOWN
GOD OR HIS PUNISHMENT
LOOSING YOUR FREEDOM
LOOSING YOUR SELF WORTH
CONFLICTS WITH OTHERS
THE SEA, HEIGHTS, FIRES
CARS, PLANES, BOATS
ELEVATORS, SMALL PLACES
LARGE GATHERINGS OF PEOPLE
TO TRAVEL BY YOUR SELF
TO LOSE YOUR SANITY
TO BE REJECTED IN A LOVE RELATIONSHIP
THE OPPOSITE SEX
MICROBES AND DIRTY THINGS
OTHERS

LIST OF POSSIBLE ROLES

LIST OF POSSIBLE ROLES

LIST OF POSSIBLE ROLES AS WELL AS CONDUCTS, REACTIONS AND MECHANISMS CREATED AS A RESULT OF PAST CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES, AND BELIEFS.

Note:
1. Obviously most persons will manifest a variety of roles and of course may not manifest all the beliefs and behaviors listed for each role.

2. Also there will be many behaviors and beliefs which we have not mentioned here.

3. The numbers listed in some cases refer the childhood experiences found in the LIST OF POSSIBLE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES.

ROLE 1.

THE GOOD, THE RIGHTEOUS,THE SPIRITUAL

Key: I am worthy and secure if I am, (or appear to be) righteous, good and spiritual.

A. Some possible behaviors.
1. Tries to appear good, or righteous using appropriate deeds, words, and conduct.
2. Suppresses himself and/or others to act ‘righteously’ , even he does not feel or to believe in what is he is doing.
3. Criticizes, rejects or accuses others [and, secretly, himself] for mistakes ,inconsistencies or “bad behavior”.
4. “Advertises” in various ways, events which show how good, righteous or superior he is.
5. Hides “evil” secrets perhaps sexual, or some other “sin”.
6. Plays the role of the savior, the teacher, the counselor, the parent, etc.
7. Could fight and even kill for the “his cause”.
8. Feels superior to others.
9. He can also play the role of the unjustly treated one.
10. Tends to be fanatical.

B. He may have inner or outer conflicts with the roles of the evil one, the rebel, the indifferent one, the

C. Some of the childhood experiences which might possibly lead one to this role are those which made the child feel:
1. Injustice, creating the need to never be unjust, and to always be right and correct.
2. Demeaned, criticized, accused ,hurt, or rejected, creating a need to prove his worth through the role of the righteous, the good, and the just.
3. Guilt, and especially in respect to the fear of punishment from God. He then experiences a great need to be perfect and to never allow others see his mistakes. This is often an outward projection which covers his secret “sins”.
4.Being compared with others, caused him to need to appear perfect to others, in order to have their acceptance.
5. As a child he felt ashamed for his parents, or he rejected them.
6. Experienced some important adult playing this role of the”good, spiritual or righteous one”.

Just about all childhood experiences can lead to this role.

D. Many possible combinations of beliefs lead to and sustain this role.
Some of them are:
1. I will be accepted only if I am right., good, or spiritual.
2. I must do what the others consider right and good in order to have their approval.
3. If I am not good and righteous, God will punish me (He might also punish my children).
4. If I am or appear good, righteous and/or spiritual, I am superior to others.
5. I am worthy only if I am superior.
6. I am no good and I am not worthy as I am, and I have to be “good” or at least appear good so that others love me and accept me.

ROLE 2

THE PERFECT, THE CAPABLE,THE STRONG.

Key: I am worthy and safe if I am[or appear to be] capable, strong, perfect.

A. Some possible behaviors.
1. Takes over more responsibilities and activities than he is able to handle effectively in a relaxed way, with concentration, love, and without this gradually causing a negative effect on his emotional or physical state.
2. He seeks to “advertise” directly and indirectly how much he has done and how perfectly he can do it, i.e. How superior he is, and how worthy he is. He finds it difficult to give responsibilities to others, to trust that they will do something right or that they can solve their own problems.
3. He finds it difficult to allot responsibilities to others or to have faith in their abilities.
4. He finds it difficult to co operate with others:
a. So as to avoid sharing the results and the recognition.
b. Because the other might make a mistake and ruin the results and thus the recognition.
5. Criticizes, rejects and sometimes attacks weakness in others (and subconsciously in himself). Other peoples’ mistakes and weaknesses remind him of his own, which he cannot accept.
6. He finds it difficult to express his needs, fears or his pains, as they might be construed as weakness.
7. He might laugh when normally he would like to cry.
8. He can disregard the needs of those closest to him, so that he can achieve much, appearing strong and successful to others.
9. He might engage in dubious means in order to succeed.
10. He might confuse power with cruelty and senselessness.
11. He finds it difficult of express his needs or to accept help even if he is ill.
12. He finds it difficult to accept presents. He wants to give always more than he receives, in order to have always the upper hand in the transaction
13. He finds it difficult to express tenderness, affection and love, because he considers these expressions of weakness.
14. He might get entangled in obsessive thoughts, actions and obsessive various rituals while searching for perfection.

B. He might have an external or internal conflict with the roles of the weak, the unable, the lazy, the guilty, the unworthy, the victim, the child, the fearful, the sick, the indifferent ,the rebel, the subordinate, and the demeaned

C. Some of the childhood experiences that might possibly lead one to this role might be any of the following:
1. Feeling rejected concerning his abilities.
2. Feeling Injustice, pain, feeling demeaned or hurt, because of:
a. specific weaknesses he had.
b. his weakness in comparison to the power of the adults.
3.Feeling shame or rejection towards a parent and thus, the need to look like and to become a “successful” person.
5. Being compared with others.
6. Being made to feel guilty, that he is not good or he is not worthy.
7. Being abandoned, or feeling that he is alone in the world without support and thus he would have to be strong in order to survive.
8. He got the message that he is weak, lazy, incapable, and that he will not do anything at all in his life, and he will not be be accepted and secure.
9. He did not receive the affection, the love and the tenderness he needed so he decided to become strong, so that he “will not” need it.
10. He experienced sick people who were a burden for the others and decided not to be the same.
11. He experienced that weakness and need lead to dependency on and to suppression by those he was dependent on, and he decided not to need anyone, so as not to loose his freedom.
12. He came across a significant adult who played this role.

More often from experience: no 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,12, 13,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,25,27,30,31.

D. Some beliefs leading to this role:
1. I am worthy and secure only if I am strong, capable or perfect.
2. If my weaknesses or mistakes are apparent.
a. Others will reject me, they will demean me, they will ridicule me. I will lose their respect and their love.
b. I will be abandoned.
c. I will be used.
d. They will control me. They will have power over me and I will lose my freedom.
3. Whoever has weaknesses:
a. Is not worthy.
b. Is vulnerable and he will get hurt, he will suffer from the others and from life.
4. Life is difficult, hard and there is no protection ,or support. I must be strong in order to survive.
5. I am the only force in my life.
6. Others are incapable of doing anything right. I cannot trust them. They will ruin the results.
7. My strength, my capability, and my perfection are measured by the results of my efforts and not so much by my motives or my effort itself.
8. One’s worth depends upon his capabilities and his achievements.
9. I must be perfect in everything in order to be worthy.

ROLE 3

THE VICTIM, THE ABUSED, THE MARTYR

Key 1. Others created my reality and are to blame for my present situation.
Key 2. Since the abuser is unjust and wrong, the abused is just and right, and therefore, virtuous and good.
Key 3. I do not deserve something better. I cannot have anything better in my life.

A. Some possible conducts:
1.He does not express his feelings or his needs. Therefore others do not respect them and thus, he gains the right to remain in the role of the victim
2. He often sacrifices himself, even when others do not ask him to or even do not want him to.
3. He does not allow himself time for rest, enjoyment, recreation, or techniques which might bring him health, vitality, peace, and happiness. Happiness is not “allowed” in this role.
4. He often complains about life’s injustices and problems.
5. He finds a lot of reasons why his problems cannot be solved or why he cannot do anything to solve them.
6. He expects others to solve his problems.
7. He is more prone to illness or pain. He may also be able to endure or suffer these pains. These wounds of the “hero, received from the battle of life” make him feel worthy.
8. Occasionally, he is a “silent victim” or a “silent martyr” and he suffers without either expressing his pain in words, or his needs.
9. He usually withdraws when there are conflicts of needs or values, he might remain a silent victim or complain directly or indirectly.
10. Some of the weapons he uses to protect himself are:
a. Sickness, which forces others to pay attention to him and not ask much from him.
b. Sickness, pain and/or unhappiness, for which the others are to blame, and thus they are guilty and he is okay.
c. Whining and complaining without effective direct confrontation.
11. Complaining to a third party, about the problems he has with others.
12. He might undermine himself with alcohol, food, cigarettes, medicine, drugs etc.
13. He might test the love of the people nearer to him with a negative behavior which in the end pushes them away, and once more this event confirms to him that he is a victim.

B. He might have a conflict both internally or externally with the roles of the strong, the superior, the bad, the rebel, the parent, the child, the judge, and the liberated..

C. Some important childhood experiences that could possibly lead in such a role are:
1. Some form of injustice from the environment (criticism, fear, rejection, punishment, beating, violence, rape, pain, hurt, humiliation e.t.c.] 2. His inability to protect himself.
3. A parent or another important person playing this role.
4. Someone who made the child feel guilty and responsible for others’ problems.
5. Guilt through messages from his environment, that he is not worthy of having a good and a happy life.
6. Born female in discriminating countries and being programmed that because she is a woman she does not deserve something better.
7. Being born into a social class which is discriminated against.
8. Not being able fulfill his needs as a child.
9. Being a child was the only way for him or someone else, to have the attention of the others[ e.g. through illness or through problems].
10. When as a child he believed that he is responsible for how others are or feel, and that he must sacrifice himself for them.
11. As a child he believed that he needs the others and without them he cannot survive or progress .Therefore he must suppress himself in order to have their love and their protection.
12. He was a spoiled child and now cannot always have what he wants.

Often through the experiences: No 1,2,3,4,5,6,8,9,11,12,14,15,16,17,18, 19,20,22,23,24,25, 26,28, 29,30,31.

D. Beliefs which might lead in such a role:
1. Others are responsible for my reality, my problems, my happiness and my unhappiness, my health and my sickness.
2. I have been unjustly treated by others, life, God.
3. I do not deserve anything better. I cannot have anything better.
4. As long as I am a victim I am right, because the others are unjust. As long as I am a victim then I am right and I am worthy, perhaps even superior.
5. I cannot protect my self from others. If there is a conflict I will get hurt, I will be in pain. It is better to withdraw and to suppress and sacrifice my self.
6. I am responsible for others so I must sacrifice myself for them.
7. I am a subordinate being and I do not have the right to express my needs, my feelings, or my beliefs.
8. If I do not withdraw I will be hurt.
9. I am incapable of facing life alone. I need the others, and for this reason I must suffer injustice so as not to be abandoned.
10. I am guilty and I do not deserve anything better.
12. I am a woman and my role is to sacrifice my self.

ROLE 4

THE WEAK, THE UNABLE, THE SICK, THE CHILD, THE DEPENDENT, INCAPABLE

Key: I am not able to face the difficulties of life.
Key 2: Life is difficult and dangerous.

A. Some possible behaviors.
1. He tries to find someone to take over the responsibility for his life (possibly someone who plays the role of the parent, the savior, the teacher, the strong e.t.c)
2. He becomes lazy as a result of fear.
3. He may become physically paralyzed (mainly in the legs) or emotionally (He cannot work, or sometimes, even to go out of the house.)
4. He becomes ill in order not to face life.
5. He avoids finishing school; he does complete his diploma, so he “cannot” face life.
6. He ruins his chances for success, health, and happiness, by getting addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, overeating, narcotics etc.
7. He gets trapped in various obsessive habits, thoughts and rituals engaging his time and his thoughts in order to not be aware of life around him.
8. He creates codependent relationships where he feels that must have the other and often he feels suppressed and abused by him/her.
9. He absorbs himself in various activities with the intention of occupying his mind and his time in order not to face life.
10. He avoids people or seeks company with specific people with whom he feels secure.
11. He praises and flatters others so that they will accept him, and then he can lean on them.
12. He accuses others for his present situation, so that they will feel guilty and take care of him.
13. He often asks for financial support. He finds it difficult to remain in a specific job.
14. He finds it difficult to be punctual and efficient towards responsibilities, disciplines programs and partnerships, not because he is incapable of doing so, but because then, his thoughtform will not be valid anymore and he will be a responsible person. If he becomes responsible then there is the danger:
a. That he might fail and then he would feel rejection again.
b. He would need to face life alone, and this is a great “risk and danger” because he doesn’t have self acceptance.
15. He uses his health, his unhappiness or even his life (commits suicide) to “blackmail” the ones he feels “responsible” (usually his family) to take care of him and to take responsibility for him.
16. He underestimates his abilities and his virtues.
17. He does not want to grow up and to have responsibilities.
18. He tests the others’ love in various ways.
19. He speaks of how incapable, bad and unworthy he is and how much he is a burden for others. So, whoever is listening to him would tell him the opposite and thus he would gain affirmation.

B. He may have an internal or external conflict with the role of the parent, the teacher, authority, the savior, the victim, the powerful, the perfect , the right, and the capable.

C. Some childhood experiences leading to similar roles:
1. He did not receive the care, attention, love, and / or affection he needed as a child. Now he receives them through this role.
2. He had a very powerful and successful person as an ideal and he does not believe he can attain that level of achievement.
3. He experienced violence, criticism, accusation, rejection, rape, danger, or comparison with others.
4. He was spoilt and was not allowed to do anything, to confront anything, to take any responsibilities.
5. He was told he was lazy, good for nothing, and that he would not be able to achieve anything in his life.
6. He experienced many illnesses as a child and the thoughtform of being weak , and needing protection ,was created as a result.
7. He had older siblings responsible for him and he did not cultivate abilities of his own.
8. He was forced to take over a lot of responsibilities as a child. And because he did not enjoy either the freedom of being a child, nor support from another, now he has the need to have this experience. He wants to be a child and to be taken care of.
9. He experienced very strict parents who did not permit him any form of expression and freedom.
10. His parents gave him the message they expected much from him in life, as he is a “special child”.

More often from the experiences : No 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,12,13,14,15,16,17,18, 19, 20,21, 22,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31.

D. Some beliefs that may lead towards these roles:
1. I am unable to face the difficulties of life.
2. I am not able to fulfill my parents expectations.
3. They will reject me if I try and fail. It is better not to risk it.
4. Life is difficult and dangerous.
5. I need my parents (or my partner, siblings etc.) in order to feel safe . Without them I am in danger.
6. I am weak, I am not clever or talented. I do not have any qualifications. I am not worthy and I will not be able to succeed.
7. I do not have the discrimination in order to take my own decisions. I need the others to tell me what to do.
8. If I grow up I will have to take responsibility for my life.
a. I will lose my purity. Grown ups are wicked and immoral. God will not love me .
b. I will fail.
c. Others will not take care of me.
d. I will be fatigued, I will be deprived of my easy living.

ROLE 5

THE GUILTY, THE SINNER, THE BAD, THE EVIL ONE
Key 1: I am guilty, I am a sinner, I am no good.
Key 2: I am not worthy of love , acceptance, or help from man or God.
Key 3: I am in danger (I am unprotected, subject to punishment)

A. Some possible ways of conduct:

EFFORT
1. He tries to prove his worth through:
a. Professional and social success.
b. Good deeds and sacrifices towards others.
c. Service towards others.
d. Speaking of his good actions.
e. Says how bad and incapable he is so that others around him will tell him the opposite.
f. Rejects, criticizes, accuses others for their sins and guilt.

SELF DESTRUCTION
2. He undermines his health, happiness, success and the progress in his relationships:
a. By becoming addicted in food, sweets, alcohol, cigarettes, medicines, sedatives, drugs anything which would “numb” his mind, so as avoid experiencing pain and fear.
b. Breaks his relationships, usually testing the others’ love and the dedication with negative behavior, in order to push them away and to prove once more that “no one” can love him.
c. Sabotages his successes at the last minute, breaks or tests relationships in various ways.
d. He does not make efforts which might him liberate himself from his problems.

SURRENDERING TO THE ROLE
3. He acts as the “guilty, the bad, the cruel, the sinner, the incapable”
a. He does not take the others’ needs into consideration.
b. He becomes “selfish” without feelings for others.
c. He commits crimes (lies, cheats, steals, kills, takes advantage of).
d. Criticizes, accuses, rejects and hurts others.
e. Generally he becomes “bad” out of bitterness, guilt and self rejection.
f. He hates “goodness” and fights against it.
4. He takes on a lot more work than he is able to execute in a peaceful manner, and looses his love and also his health in order to prove his worth.
5. He becomes easily upset, stressed and angry. He expects the worst from every situation or problem.
6. He cannot be at peace when others are not happy or satisfied, as he feels it is his fault.
7. Allows others to abuse him.
8. He does not allow time for his personal well being.
9. Sees everyone as superior, better than him.
10. Lives with the concept of a continuous “must” in his mind. He does a lot of things because he must in order to be “good” and not because he loves doing it, or even wants to do it.
11. He cannot accept criticism at all, or even advice, because this would arouse his already present feelings of self rejection.
12. He might demand of himself to be perfect in some area of his life (usually cleanliness, tidiness and appearance).
13. He perceives himself as selfish and he rejects himself for that.
14. He finds it difficult to ask for help, as he does not “deserve” it.
15. He finds it difficult to see, to hear about or accept his qualities.
16. He is afraid that “punishment” will arrive sometime soon. “Life cannot be beautiful” .
17. He is afraid of illness and of death (forms of punishment).
18. He finds it difficult to say “no” or says “no” in an angry way because of fear of saying “no.”
19. He gets angry when he does not receive acceptance from others – then he feel unworthy.

B. He may have an internal or external conflict with the roles of the bad, the right, the child, the parent, the capable, the perfect, the weak, the savior, the teacher, and the role of any authority.

C. Some childhood experiences which may lead one to these roles are:
1. The child he received the message that he is bad, unworthy, guilty or was rejected in various ways:
a. He was told so by their criticism, their accusation and by their rejection.
b. The parent himself was guilty, not good, rejected.
c. She was a girl, or child born in a certain social class, religion, or race which was considered subordinate.
d. He was told that has badly “sinned”.
e. He was told that God does not pardon, but rather, punishes the guilty.
f. His parents had serious problems and were unable to demonstrate stability and love towards their children, so the child concluded that “I am not worthy -I am bad”
g. The parents did not have time for the child.
h. A parent died and the child took it as an abandonment or as a punishment.
2. The child experienced violence or cruelty. The child came to a conclusion that “I am guilty – the others are right”
3. They caught the child playing with his genitals (alone or with other children) and he was told that he committed a sin, that he was evil.
4. Someone was hurt and the child was told that it was his fault.
5. The child was frequently told about his guilt and about God’s punishment.
6. The child was sexually approached / molested and he/she felt guilty, that it was his/her fault.
7. He hated someone for the other’s conduct and finally the other died or some other calamity befell him .The child feels he is responsible.
8. He was programmed to feel responsible for others in general, and for whatever bad may befall them.

More frequently form experiences such as: No. 1,,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,11,12,13, 14,15,16,17,18,19,21,22,23,24,25,30,31.

D. Some beliefs that may lead to wards these roles:
1. I am guilty ,bad, and I am not worthy because:
a. I have sinned .
b. I was not given love and affection by others and this means that I am not worthy.
c. I was told by others that I am not worthy.
d. I was abandoned by others (or they died) which means that I am not worthy (or that they do not love me; or it was God’s punishment).
e. I failed to become perfect.
f. I failed to satisfy others.
g. I failed to protect others.
h. I failed to create a reality without problems for the others (then siblings, now children , partners, parents)
i. I belong to a subordinate sex, race, religion, social class.
j. I am not clever, capable, successful.
k. God does not love me (I was told by my parents, grandparents)
l. Whoever makes mistakes is guilty, a sinner.

3. God does not pardon, he hates and punishes the sinners, my mistakes cannot be pardoned.
4. Whoever makes mistakes does not deserve to have a good time, to have good health, to be happy, successful, and be respected.
5. I am responsible for how others feel and I am guilty if they are not happy and satisfied.
6. I am guilty when others criticize or accuse me or when they complain or are not happy.
7. I am unworthy when others do not trust me.
8. I am unworthy when I do not reach my goals.
9. I am unworthy because:
a. eat too much.
b. smoke.
c. drink alcohol.
d. do not work hard enough.
e. my children have problems.
f. others are not satisfied with me.
g. I don’t do what I could do
h. do not help as I much as I could.
i. have sexual urges.
10. I am unworthy no matter what I do.
11. I do not deserve that others would respect my needs.
12. I will be punished. Something bad will happen to me or to my family..
13. All others are good, I am unworthy.
14. I must do a lot more than others in order to be worthy.
15. When I am criticized or someone raises his voice at me, means that I am in danger and not worthy.
16. I must be perfect (in cleanliness, tidiness, order, appearance) to be deserve love and acceptance.
17. I am selfish.
18. I do not have the right to ask others for help.
19. No one can love me.
20. I do not have the right to say “no”.

ROLE 6

THE PARENT THE SAVIOR,THE TEACHER,THE RESPONSIBLE

Key 1: I am responsible for the others’ reality.
Key 2: Without me. the others cannot progress, cannot be well.
Key 3: Its my fault if the others are not well.

A. Some possible conducts:
1. He gets worries about others. He becomes stressful about their situations and their problems.
2. He advises them and he tries to control them, he even exerts pressure on them (for “their own good”, or prevents them making a mistake and thus possibly ruining his “results”).
3. He criticizes and rejects others when they make mistakes or when they do not follow his directions or orders.
4. He gives advise even to those who do not ask for it .
5. He cannot feel at peace when others have problems. He thinks he has to solve their problems himself.
6. He gets disappointed when others do not follow his advice.
7. He rejects himself for not being able to “save’ others , or to solve their problems.
8. He attracts to himself people with problems.
9. He finds it difficult to confess or express his weaknesses, his needs, his fears or his problems . He fears that in doing so, others will see his faults and lose respect for him.
10. He finds it difficult to express his feelings.
11. He ignores his own problems and he occupies himself with the problems of others.

B. He may have internal or external conflicts with the roles of the child, the rebel, the bad, the guilty, the suppressed, the victim, and with other people who also play the role of the teacher, the savior or the parent.

C. Some childhood experiences leading to roles such as these are:
1. He experienced someone who played this role in his childhood environment.
2. He was programmed that to be worthy he should:
a. posses a powerful position.
b. advise others.
c. be cleverer than others.
d. save others.
e. not have problems.
f. sacrifice himself for the whole.
3. As a child he experienced pain, injustice, was humiliated because of some weakness, and he decided not to ever experience that role again, so he takes the role of the superior one – the one with no problems.
4. He was programmed to feel responsible for others and for whatever is happening to them. He now continues playing this role as an adult.
5. He felt shame and rejection for one or more of his parents and he thus decided not to become like him/her, but to be superior to them.
6. He experienced abandonment and now he tries to find a way of making himself indispensable to others.
7. He did not experience enough affection, tenderness or love and he is seeking to find these through these roles.
8. He was made to doubt his worth and he is searching through these roles to find it.
9. As a child he had to look after a sick person and he is continuing in the same role.
10. He was told that he would not achieve anything in his life and now he is trying to prove them wrong.
11. He had a teacher or a parent who did not play his role well, and the child decided to play the same role correctly when he grows up.
12. Others were not trustworthy or punctual and he decides to take a power role.
13. He experienced suppression, now using these roles, he feels freer.

Usually from experiences. No 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,11, 12,13,15, 16,17,18,19, 20,21,22, 23, 25,26, 27,29,30,31.

D. Some beliefs which might sustain these roles are:
1. I am responsible for the others’:
a. health
b. happiness.
c. success.
d. harmony.
e. evolution.
f. security.
g. for whatever is happening to them.
2. If I am not able to create a perfect reality for them, I have failed in my role and I am not worthy.
3. If others are not happy with me, I have therefore failed and I am not worthy.
4. If others do not trust me, I am not worthy.
5. If others do not listen to me, do not obey me, do not follow my advice, then I am incapable in this role, and I am unworthy.
6. If I am no good in my role, I will not be respected , I will be unworthy of their esteem. I will end up alone. I am in danger.
7. If I am not in control of things around me, anything can go wrong. I cannot trust others. If I am not in control, I am in danger.
8. If I show weakness or needs or if I have vices:
a. I will be rejected, I will not be wanted, I am in danger.
b. My weaknesses will be used as a means to hurt me, I am in danger.
9. I am worthy only if I am in the position of authority- i.e. teacher, savior, parent. Only then can I feel safe and secure.
10. If I am needed (as a teacher, a parent, a savior), I will not be abandoned . I will not be alone.
11. Alone, I am in danger.
12. If I am needed, I will be loved and I will receive what I need from others.
13. In this role I can be in control.

ROLE 7

THE REBEL THE REVOLUTIONARY,THE NEGATIVE,THE ANTAGONIST.

Key 1. My freedom and justice are in danger.
Key 2: I have to fight for freedom and justice.
Key 3: I need the others.

A. Some possible conducts:

REACTION
1. Does the opposite of:
a. What he is told.
b. What he thinks others want from him.
c. “Must do”
d. What society asks
e. What is “right” , “good”.

SELF DESTRUCTION
2. He is destructive to himself
a. using various substances; food, alcohol , cigarettes, medicine, sedatives, drugs.
b. by having relationships with negative people who as a result ruin his happiness.
c. by avoiding success by being inconsistent, reacting negatively, being lazy.
d. by fighting against others.
In these ways he rejects his parents’ and society’s concept of happiness and “success”.
Self destruction is also a “weapon” he uses to hurt those who have suppressed him and treated him badly.

BATTLE
3. He fights against those whom he considers “bad – evil” people, or the unfair and abusers, top dogs.
a. Criticizes, accuses, rejects, and wants to change people he thinks represent evil or authority.
b. Behaves aggressively or violently.
c. In every discussion he will find something he doesn’t agree with. Whether the subject is important or not, is irrelevant. (Inwardly he might even agree.)
d. Presses others to believe what he believes. He finds it difficult to experience unity with those who have different beliefs or habits.

NON PARTICIPATION
4. He does not participate in social functions or in whatever he considers a source of injustice such as:
a. Church, religion, spirituality, philosophy.
c. Socially accepted activities
d. Socially accepted dress
e. Language of the norm.
f. Money.
g. Family activities.

INNER CONFLICT
5. In reality, he is not in conflict with others, but with a part of himself that still:
a. Accepts social, religious, political beliefs.
b. Believes he needs to do or have what the society says to be worthy and secure.
c. Is afraid to be alone without the affirmation and protection of those very ideas he rejects.
d. He rejects the part of himself which resembles to others. When he is liberated from these inner conflicts, he will not need to react outwardly any more.
6. He tests the others’ love with a negative behavior.
7. He does not admit being grateful, and pretends not to be .

B. He is in frequent conflict with the roles of the righteous, the good, the savior, the teacher, the parent ,and authority.

C. Some childhood experiences possibly leading to similar roles:
1. Suppression from parents, teachers and others.
2. Injustice, rejection, humiliation, hurt, criticism. Violence towards himself or towards others in his environment.
3. He has lived social injustices e.g. military occupation, dictatorship, racism.
4. He experienced an adult who played these roles (rebel, revolutionary etc.)
5. He was told that he is no good, he is incapable, and that he will achieve nothing in his life.
6. He had an ideal he believes he cannot “reach” and thus he rejects it.
7. His self worth was rejected.
8. He was told that he could not make it alone in life.
9. He had to either agree with others or do what they wanted, in order to receive their love.
10. He experienced abandonment and he interpreted it as an injustice.
11. Sick people in his environment were the cause for his loss of freedom.
12. He/she experienced rape, or was sexually abused.
13. He was frequently told about guilt and the punishment from God.
14. As a child he came in contact with hypocrisy on a large scale.
15. One of the parents was unfaithful to the other.
16. He was a spoilt child and he does not have self confidence, he feels dependent, and he reacts negatively towards dependency.

Usually through experiences No 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18, 19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31.

D. Some beliefs able to sustain roles such as these.
1. I am in danger from, parents, teachers, authority.
2. I might lose my:
a. freedom.
b. dignity.
c. my worth.
d. security.
3. I might be treated unjustly, I might get hurt, or humiliated.
4. I am weak, incapable, vulnerable. I cannot succeed in this society.
a. to be successful
b. to protect my self
c. to become happy.
5. I need others, society, and / or family for my security and my happiness.
6. I need the other’s approval. I am not worthy, I am insecure without their approval and support.
7. I am not clever. I do not have inner knowledge and strength in order to live my life without others.
8. I am in danger when others do not agree with me because:
a. I might not be right.
b. I need them.
c. they might use control over me and I will get hurt
9. If I do not react they might think they are right and I will lose my rights and my strength.
10. If I appear to destroy myself, this will upset them and make them feel guilty.
11. When others agree with me then I am right, then I am worthy and safe.
12. I have to fight for liberty and justice.
13. I am not loved, thus I must protect my self from others.
14. This is a war of control. If I do not fight I will lose my freedom.
15. If I admit that they are right they will use this against me on another occasion.
16. People are hypocrites and are underhanded, I cannot trust them.
17. I will never be able to achieve as much as my parent (other). It is better if I do not participate at all. I should reject the whole success game.
18. I am a girl (woman) and I must protect my rights in a man’s world.
19. I am a victim of racism and I must protect my self.

ROLE 8

THE CLEVER,THE WELL INFORMED,THE SUPERIOR,THE EXPERT,THE COUNSELOR.

Key 1: Whoever knows best, is more worthy.
Key 2: I must appear knowledgeable to be accepted, loved or respected.
Key 3: Then I will be accepted, I will be loved and I will be safe and secure.

A. Some possible behaviors:
1. He talks too much stating information with the intention of making his knowledge evident. Sometimes directly and at others indirectly through questions or references indicating his “knowledge”.
2. He enters quite easily in an “competitive discussion” with the intention of showing others how much he knows (whether the subject is important for him or not it’s irrelevant).
3. He easily takes opposition view for the sake of an argument.
4. He usually refers to various books, teachers and other sources.
5. He gives advises or even orders.
6. If you do not follow his advise, he gets upset and he even might attack you.
7. He talks abundantly about irrelevant details.
8. He admires people with a vast knowledge or ” a quick mind” while he rejects others with limited knowledge and a slow mind.
9. He is afraid perhaps there are others in the company who would “appear cleverer” and thus he would lose his position, the others’ respect and thus his self worth.
10. He uses various strategies in order to win battles at home, at work and in this manner he attracts negative emotions from others.
11. He may speak degradingly about others with “less knowledge”
12. He gets bored among a company where he cannot use his brain.
13. He frequently plays the game of “who is right”.
14. He tends to be ironic, sarcastic and sometimes even mock others.

B. He gets into a conflict with others playing the same role. Also with the powerful, the teachers, the saviors, the parents, the perfect.

C. Some childhood experiences leading to these roles:
1. The child received the message that knowledge creates value, superiority, and security.
2. He has been hurt, rejected, demeaned because of lack of knowledge or lack of swiftness in the mind. .
3. He has been hurt or rejected for other reasons (e.g. beauty, physical strength, social characteristics) and he learned to regard his intelligence as his only asset, so he decides that without it he has no value at all.
4. He is ashamed of or rejects one of his parents for his limited mental capacities and he decides not to ever become like that.
5. He experienced a parent or another important person playing this role.
6. He realized that through intelligence and a quick mind he could avoid work or negative situations.
7. By being clever, he or someone else received the admiration or the attention and love of others.
8. He experienced abandonment, and he felt lonely and he decided that he must be very clever in order to survive.
9. He has been compared with others:
a. that he was less worthy.
b. he was more worthy.
10. His parents needed badly (for their own survival or security) their child to get an education.
11. They told the child that he is not clever and that he will never do anything in his life.

Usually from experiences No 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,11,12,13,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23, 26,27,29, 30,31.

D. Some possible beliefs able to sustain these roles.
1. My self worth is measured according to my intelligence.
2. My intelligence is measured by:
a. how it is compared with others.
b. how much information it contains.
c. how swiftly it functions.
d. how correct it is.
e. how much others admire it or show with by their behavior that they respect it.
3. I do not know much. I have no self worth. I will be rejected.
4. I will not be wanted. I will remain alone, and then I am in danger.
5. I must learn a lot, I must cultivate my mind.
6. I must show others that my mind is sharp, so I will be accepted and loved, and then I will be safe and secure.
7. If there is another person more knowledgeable than me, he would be loved more. I must show them, that I know more than him. I must belittle him and aggrandize my self.
8. If I have more knowledge than others I can:
a. control them, use them and rule them.
b. reject them.
c. make them need me, and then I will be worthy and secure.
9. I will not be able to be clever enough compared with others. I will reject the whole game. (Then he abandons this role and plays other ones e.g. the rebel, the lazy one, the revolutionary, the incapable, the sick etc.)
10. I must never accept that the other is right because in this way I will lose my self worth.
11. Life is difficult and I am alone, I must be clever in order to survive.
12. Only the intelligent receive love, attention and the tenderness they need.
13. I owe it my parents to gain an education, and to become well known for my education and knowledge .
14. I must show them how much I am worth.
15. I am responsible for others and for my self, so I must be clever.
16. If I am clever, I can protect my self from exploitation and cruelty from others.
17. I do not want to be like my parent.

ROLE 9

THE INDIFFERENT, THE IRRESPONSIBLE, THE LIBERATED , THE SNOTTY, THE SENSELESS,THE EVASIVE ONE

Key 1. Whoever has responsibilities or does not meet with his obligations to wards them is in danger.
Key 2. I will either suffer or fail if I accept responsibilities.

A. Some possible conducts:
1. Avoids responsibilities as much as possible, (not due to laziness, but because he doubts his capacities for success).
2. Seems indifferent, insensitive towards matters quite important to others.
3. He lets others solve his problems.
4. He feels oppression and injustice easily.
5. Allows matters to linger until the last minute.
6. He walks out from relationships, jobs and responsibilities when he feels overly pressured.
7. He may criticize or mock people who “take things seriously”
8. He takes on responsibilities or gives promises, but he is conscientious in executing them.
9. Says “yes, you are right, I will change, I will become more responsible” but does nothing about it.
10. He complains that he is being suppressed, and is not allowed creative freedom.
11. He criticizes the system in general.
12. He rejects himself on account of his mistakes, in order to hear the opposite, -that it does not matter, that it’s O.K.
13. He may not speak much. He may not express himself much.

B. He gets into a conflict with the roles of the teacher, the righteous, the responsible, the savior, the clever, the parent, the powerful, and the efficient.

C. Some childhood experiences leading to such roles;
1. He experienced rejection, humiliation, hurt, fear and thus, decided not to have anything to do with the outer world.
2. He had very negative experiences concerning situations of responsibility (e.g. responsibilities towards siblings.)
3. Experienced failure in some of his efforts.
4. He was told he is incapable and he will never do anything in his life.
5. He was compared to others and:
a. he was told he was inferior (he will never make it)
b. he was told he was superior (and he must always be the best-top -in order to be worthy.)
6. Realized that he had to be very effective, in order to be respected and loved, that he is not worthy if he is not efficient and effective.
7. He had the experience of an ideal person in this role.
8. He had the experience of an ideal person playing the role of the strong, the capable, the successful, the perfect , and out of reaction the child abandons and rejects the effort. “I will not be able to make it.”
9. He experienced abandonment and he decided that he is incapable, so others should take care of him.
10. He did not receive much attention, tenderness and love and so using this role now, others will take care of him.
11. A parent failed somehow.
12. He was a spoilt child and he never learned to do anything for himself and for others.

C. Usually through experiences: No 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,12,13,15,16,17,18, 19,20,21, 22,23,25,26,27,28,29,30,31.

D. Some beliefs able to sustain roles such as these:
1. I am worthy as long as I achieve a lot of things, as long as I am capable.
2. Having a lot of responsibilities and being able to successfully deal with them, gives one self worth.
3. But I am not worthy because I can’t, because.
a. life is difficult.
b. I am not clever, able, or strong enough.
c. I might fail.
4. If I try and fail, I will be rejected and I will be alone and then I am in danger.
5. It is better if I do not try to play, I am not interested, so I reject this game.
6. If I accept responsibilities, I will exhaust myself and I will suffer. If I do nothing, others will take over.
7. Others are more competent than I am.
8. I reject their neurotic and stressful life .
9. It’s better not to play at all, than to play and lose.
10. If I activate myself,f they will think that I don’t need them, they will not pay any attention to me any more.
11. Responsibility carries with it criticism from others.
12. Since God punishes our mistakes, I will do nothing so I shall not make a mistake.
13. I do not want to fail like my parent.
14. I am a spoilt child, I must be taken care of.

ROLE 10

THE GENERAL,THE DICTATOR,THE AGGRESSIVE, THE AGGRESSOR

Key 1. My worth and my security are in danger.
Key 2. I must protect my self and others from the battle of life.
Key 3. Strength is the solution for everything.

A. Some possible behaviors:
1. Shout, accuses, rejects, demeans others when :
a. they make a mistake.
b. they do not function according to his concepts, instructions or orders.
2. He finds it difficult to be democratic in his relationships with others.
3. He is always right and others are wrong.
4. Cultivates fear in order to gain obedience and the cooperation from others.
5. He usually has double standards: for himself and for others.
6. He is usually very sensitive and vulnerable, behind all this toughness.
7. He considers himself superior and he expects others to serve him.
8. He attacks before anyone has the chance to do the same.

B. He has conflicts more frequently, both inwardly or/and outwardly with the roles of the child, the guilty, the victim, the fearful, the incapable, the teacher, the parent and with others playing the same roles as he.

C. Some childhood experiences leading to this roles:
1. He experienced someone playing these roles.
2. He himself was a victim of these roles as a child.
3. He experienced injustice and he decided that life is difficult and that he has to protect himself aggressively.
4. He experienced a lot of anger as a child, and this anger is now surging out towards the people closest to him.
5. He was a spoilt child, and now he feels that everyone should serve him.
6. He was ashamed of one of his parents for being ” weak” and for being used, and he has decided that he is going to be tough.
7. He was programmed that God punishes. He might also believe that he is the “hand of God” keeping order in the world.
8. He experienced humiliation, so he considers this role the only security he possesses, so that nothing like this ever happens again.
9. He doubts his self worth and his mental capacities and he conceals all these with this role, in order to regain his worth.
10. He heard that men are like this.
11. As a woman she might decide that this is the only way to protect herself.
12. He was made to feel bad, sinful, unjust, so he accepts this role, it fits him.
13. He learned that he is responsible for others and he found this role effective in order to be obeyed .

Usually from experiences: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,12,13,14,15,16, 17,18,19,22,23, 24,25, 26,27,28,29,30,31.

D. Some beliefs able to sustain roles such as these.
1. I am not worthy, I am in danger, my security is in danger.
2. Life and people in general ad dangerous, difficult and I will be hurt.
3. I must be tough and aggressive in order to be:
a. worthy.
b. superior.
c. keep them at a distance, so I will not get hurt.
4. I do not want to be “stepped on” like my father (my mother).
5. I am alone in this life. No one cares about me. If I do not take care of myself, nobody will do so.
6. I am the only one who is right. They must listen to me and obey me.
7. No one loves me. I was not given the love and affection I needed. Others must pay for this.
8. Only the powerful, the leader is worthy.
9. I must keep them at a distance so as not to get hurt.
10. Since they consider me to be a bad and unfair person anyway, let it be thus.
11. I am responsible for others. If I do not give orders using a little fear, there’s going to be problems. I will not be in a position to be in control.

ROLE 11

THE PARTNER, THE SPOUSE.

Key 1: My self worth depends on how good a partner I am.
Key 2: I must be a good partner in order to be worthy and safe.

A. Some possible behaviors:
1. He tries to receive affirmation concerning his self worth and his security through the other in various ways:
a. by receiving tenderness, caressing, affection, embrace, and sex.
b. receiving positive words of affirmation.
c. being together.
d. having exclusivity (the other loves and wants only me)
2. He gets upset and becomes negative when he does not receive the above affirmations.
3. He gets upset when his partner:
a. is not well, happy, successful.
b. is not happy with him.
c. shows a interest – love to others.
d. shows interest in other activities where he cannot or does not want to participate.
e. does not agree with him on various matters.
4. Has conflicts with his partner concerning needs and values.
5. Loves and gives special support and affection to the partner.
6. He becomes devoted and gives a lot of energy and time in order to make his partner happy.
7. He does not find any other reason for life except this role, he is in constant fear of losing his partner (and thus lose the only source of security, self esteem and reason for existence.)
8. He might be bored of the role and wish for freedom:
a. He does not participate fully.
b. He is away a lot, and when he is there, the connection is not substantial.
c. He might create parallel relationships.
9. He may play anyone of the other roles in relation to his partner e.g. the child, the parent, the dictator, the savior, the rebel, the perfect one, the powerful, the weak, the incapable, the sick, the fearful ,the indifferent, the irresponsible, etc.
10. Competes with his partner in relation to who is more right, intelligent, good, powerful, abused, successful, effective, spiritual, etc.
11. Competes for the acceptance, love, and admiration of the children.

B. He would have various conflicts with his partner, in respect to other roles he plays in the relationship. This role might clash with other roles he needs to play as a parent, a businessman, a child (of his parents).
1. All childhood experiences construct this role, they can however be divided into specific categories:
a. All impressions about close relationships he gained from his parents or others.
b. All the messages he received (from actions or situations)
1. about marriage.
2. about men.
3. about women.
c. All the messages he received about himself.
d. All the messages he received about life.
e. All the messages about when one is worthy and when one is safe and secure.
2. He will react in various ways towards these messages and experiences.
a. Being programmed subconsciously and he would function in a manner similar to that of his parents.
b. It is possible (at least in his first relationships – if he has more than one) to attract a partner who would treat him:
1. In the same way he was treated by one or both his parents.
2. In the same way one parent treated the other. e.g. replay scenes he experienced as a child receiving and experiencing, to a great extend similar treatment as before. In many cases, he himself will play the role of the parent towards the other partner (or the children) in the same manner he himself experienced it from his parents.
c. He will react (rejecting the conduct of one of the parents) and he will try not to “repeat ” the same mistakes. (But as long as the rejection exists, he will possibly not be able to liberate himself from this behavior mechanism he rejects.)

D. Some beliefs able to sustain roles such as these:
1. I am a woman (man) (and not an eternal soul without gender)
2. My self worth depends upon my partner.
a. Whether I have a partner.
b. Whether he/she loves and takes care only of me.
c. Whether she/he gives me what I need.
d. Whether she/he is happy with me.
e. Whether she/he is healthy, happy, successful.
f. Whether others accept and approve of her/him.
3. My security depends upon my partner:
a. Whether he/she loves me exclusively.
b. Whether he/she is strong, stable, and successful.
c. Whether she/he is honest, calm
d. whether… other …..
4. A person alone by himself cannot be safe and secure.
5. A person alone is not socially acceptable.

ROLE 12

MAN / WOMAN

Key 1. I am a man / woman..
Key 2. My self worth is dependent on how affirmed I am in this role.

A. Some possible behaviors:
1. Tries to prove his/her worth.:
a. by appearing powerful, indifferent, tough, with no weaknesses.
b. by appearing good, right, perfect.
c. by professional and financial success.
d. by knowledge and mental clarity.
e. by being able to express emotions and needs.
f. by being sexually attractive to / successful with the opposite sex.
g. by having a strong or attractive body
h. by being aggressive and having a loud voice.
i. by doing a lot of things, being engaged in many activities.
j. by appearing spiritual and pure.
k. by not accepting arguments, acting as a dictator.

2. Tries to win the others attention (and thus security and self worth)
a. through illness.
b. through weakness, fear or emotional problems.
c. through sexuality.
d. through conflict and aggressiveness.
e. flirting with others.
3. Plays competitive games with people of the same or the opposite sex, as to who is more intelligent, right, good, strong, victim, successful, quick, effective, spiritual e.t.c.
4. He rejects the parent of the same sex and so he rejects his own sex. Sometime this can lead to homosexuality.
5. Rejects the parent of the opposite sex and thus he has a continuous lack of trust and often is antagonistic to, or rejects the opposite sex and also his/her partner.

C. Some experiences indicating how one would play the role of the man or the woman.
1. All the messages he received through words and behaviors in relation to :
a. when a man is worthy and respected.
b. when a woman worthy and respected.
c. how must a man be.
d. how must a woman be.
e. what is the relationship between them.
2. From which one of the parents he received more love and acceptance.
3. Whether he experienced abandonment by one of the parents.
4. The behavior of one parent towards the other.
5. How he saw his parents behave towards others and how others towards them.

D. Beliefs sustaining the existence of these roles:
1. I am a woman (man).
2. I am safe and secure and I am worthy only through this role.
3. I must have a partner to be worthy and to be safe.
4. A close relationship is the goal of life and the basic meaning of life.
5. Close relationships are difficult and I will possibly get hurt because;
a. the other cannot love me as I am.
b. the other will hurt me.
c. the other will abandon me.
6. I cannot let go in a close relationship because I will get hurt.
7. I am worthy when:
a. my partner loves me exclusively.
b. the opposite sex wants me and admires me.
c. when I am better than others.
d. I am wanted sexually.
8. Women should sacrifice themselves for their husband (to obey him).
9. Men must be more capable, and intelligent than their wives.

LIST OF POSSIBLE MESSAGES FOR THE INNER CHILD

LIST OF POSSIBLE MESSAGES FOR THE INNER CHILD

LIST OF POSSIBLE MESSAGES FOR THE INNER CHILD

1. I love you and accept you exactly as you are.
2. I appreciate you and respect you.
3. I feel affection and tenderness for you.
4. You are free to do what you like, provided you are not hurting anybody.
5. You are capable and strong.
6. There is an infinite spiritual power within you which protects you from illness, events and dangers.
7. Your body is healthy and strong and resistant to illness.
8. You live in a divine plan which brings to you only what is useful for your development.
9. You selected your parents and the events of your childhood, and thus you created the perfect conditions for your development.
10. There is a Divine Power which guides you from within.
11. There is within you an all-wise voice that always leads you correctly in your life. Follow it.
12. You have the right and the responsibility to express your inner strength and beauty creatively.
13. You deserve the love and respect from everyone, regardless of your appearance, social position, profession, knowledge, achievements and of what others think of you.
14. Your self worth is the same as that of every other soul, no more no less.
15. No one else can create or have the responsibility for your happiness, health or success.
16. You cannot create or assume responsibility for the happiness, health or success of others.
17. You are an eternal, divine consciousness in the process of developing the ability to express the beauty that exists within you.
18. Everything is God. There is no one or nothing that is not the expression of the one universal consciousness (God) – You are no exception.
19. It is not necessary to live your life according to the convictions or expectations of your parents or of others. Love, respect and help them, but live according to your principles, needs and convictions.
20. Your “parents” are eternal souls in a process of evolution whom you selected to play these roles in this incarnation. Your only real parent is God.
21. You have the same worth, wisdom, strength, and rights as the eternal souls who played the role of your parents.
22. Whatever anyone did to harm you was out of ignorance or fear.
23. Your parents were once children who were programmed by their parents.

LIST OF POSSIBLE AFFIRMATIONS FOR SELF ACCEPTANCE

LIST OF POSSIBLE AFFIRMATIONS FOR SELF ACCEPTANCE

LIST OF POSSIBLE AFFIRMATIONS FOR SELF ACCEPTANCE

1. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of others’ opinions or behavior.

2. My self worth is totally independent of how I compare to others.

3. My self worth is totally independent of any external factors such as: INTELLIGENCE, WEALTH, MY HOME, APPEARANCE, TALENTS, PROFESSIONAL SUCCESS, MY CHILDRENS’ SUCCESS, BEING ATTRACTIVE TO THE OPPOSITE SEX, MAKING FRIENDS, DISCIPLINES, “SPIRITUAL” ACTIVITIES.

4. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of the results of my efforts.

5. I am worthy and will be loved even when others are being given more attention. I am happy for others when they receive love and attention.

6. My self worth is within me and totally independent of whether I am loved exclusively by someone on or not.

7. I am worthy of love and respect even when I am not perfect in what I do and even when I make mistakes.

8. My self worth is totally independent of how much I accomplish.

9. I am worthy of love and respect even when I feel weak or needy.

10. My self worth is totally independent of whether others agree with me or satisfied with me.

11. I deserve love and respect even when I need to say “no” and not respond to what I am asked to do.

12. My self worth has nothing to do with how much I give or receive.

13. My self worth is totally independent as to whether some people trust me or open up to me on not.

14. My self worth is totally independent of how people behave towards me.

15. My self worth is totally independent of how much others work or how they work or what they believe about me.

16. My self worth is a reflection of my divine nature and not my gender, religion, social class etc. .

17. My self worth is totally independent of whether others recognize it or how they feel towards me.

18. I accept and love my self as I am with my faults and weaknesses as I steadily and methodically evolve out of them.

19. I am intelligent and capable enough to succeed in any endeavor which is important to me.

20. I deserve to be loved and respected exactly as I am ( at this stage of my evolutionary process).
21. I have the inner power and strength to deal with whatever life brings me.

22. I am capable of handling any possible difficulties which might occur.

23. I am beautiful exactly as I am – just as all aspects of nature.

24. I am a good person, a worthy person.

25. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of how others behave towards me.

26. I respect and love all persons (especially my parents and family) without feeling any need whatsoever to live my life according to their beliefs or values. I live my life in harmony with my inner values and beliefs.

27. I am in no way responsible for others people’s reality but only for my own motives and behavior towards them.

28. No else is responsible for my reality. I am totally responsible for what I feel and experience in life.

29. My self worth is based on my inner being, my existence itself, my inner divine nature and on no other external factors.

30. My self worth is a simple function of the fact that I, as all others creatures, am an unique aspect of divine creation. My self worth cannot be increased nor decreased. I can never be more or less worthy of love and respect than another.

31. Although I am not perfect and have various faults, I deserve to be loved and respected as I am, just I as I love and respect others with their faults.

32. When I do not love my self, I am not loving an aspect of divine creation.

33. I often accept in others traits which I reject in my self. Why?

34. I am in a process of evolution and am attending to that process

35.All beings deserve my love and respect, including my self.