HEALING THE INNER CHILD

HEALING THE INNER CHILD


HEALING THE INNER CHILD

 CHAPTER 23 from the book The Psychology of Happiness by Robert Elias Najemy

Note:

The work described in this chapter usually requires

guidance by a person experienced in this work.

 

 Our inner child is that part of our subconscious that still feels, thinks and behaves in the ways we learned as children. Our emotional life is largely dictated by the feelings, beliefs and needs generated by our childhood experiences.

We have become split personalities who function with two minds. One is logical while the other still perceives life through the eyes of the children that once we were. While one knows logically that we have no reason to fear or doubt ourselves, the other continues to experience anxiety, fear, guilt and self-doubt. While we know cognitively that we have the ability to deal with life, a part of ourselves continues to be fearful, jealous and angry.

We may not be consciously aware that our inner child feels vulnerable, lonely, fearful, angry or hurt, yet, these emotions are very visible in the form of our fears and defensive reactions. Our hidden emotions are also quite evident in our tensions and psychosomatic illnesses.

On the other hand, our inner child and other aspects of our subconscious are a rich and abundant source of inspiration, joy, creativity and love for life.

We need to establish contact with our inner child and learn to accept and love it as it is, while at the same time educating it concerning the truth of its divine nature. We can then heal our inner child of its traumas and misconceptions while simultaneously recovering from it our innocence, joy and inner connection with life.

Regardless of which techniques we employ in relationship to the inner child, it is essential that we develop a relationship with it by communicating daily. We suggest the following technique.

 

DAILY COMMUNICATION

WITH THE CHILD WITHIN

 

1. Sit or lie down with the spine straight.

2. Relax the entire body and mind through your preferred relaxation or concentration technique.

3. Imagine the inner child and communicate with it. (It might appear at any age.)

a. Ask it how it feels.

b. Ask if it has some needs it would like to satisfy.

c. Speak to it about your needs as an adult.

4. Give it positive reinforcement. Our child needs to hear about love, security and self-worth.

5. Mentally embrace the child and hold it with tenderness and love.

a. Feel (imagine) the child in your arms.

b. Identify with the small body and feel yourself inside the embrace accepting the love and tenderness offered to you.

c. Become one with the child.

 

This technique can be performed as a prelude to any meditation, relaxation technique, prayer or positive projection technique, or alone as it is. Once mastered, it takes only five minutes.

 

DISCOVERING OUR PAST

 

Our first step will be to discover the events that might have programmed our inner child to be overly sensitive to situations or stimuli, which we now objectively realize, are not worth losing our peace over. In studying the following list of possible childhood experiences, we might find some experiences described exactly as we remember them, while others may remind us of experiences that are somehow different than the ones described. Some memories or associations may take time to come. We may be reminded of something else of which we would like to take note.

 

 

LIST OF CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

 

Note: After each experience, you will find a list of numbers with the letter “B” referring to the list of possible beliefs, subconscious conclusions of the child, which may have been programmed into our childhood mind because of these experiences.  This list can be found on our web site www.HolisticHarmony.com. The numbers here refer to the numbers of the beliefs on that list.

Wherever the questions refer to our parents or other persons of our childhood, we must also think of stepmothers, stepfathers, grandparents, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters, cousins, teachers and any other persons who existed in our lives as a child up to the age of 18.

 

1. Was there someone who became angry with you, scolded you, rejected you or accused you? Who and when?  B=(1,2,3,4,5,6,7,13,14,15,16,70,142,143).

 

2. Were there people in your family who fought among themselves or rejected or hurt one another? Who and when? B=(1,2,3,4,5,6,143).

 

3. Have you ever experienced the feeling of abandonment? Were you ever left alone? Have you ever felt that others didn’t understand you, or that you would receive no support? When? By whom? How? B= (1,4,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,70,142).

 

4. Did you ever feel the need for more affection, tenderness or expression of love? From whom and when (during which periods of your life)? B= (1,13,14, 15,16,142).

 

5. Were there persons in your environment who were often ill or who often spoke of illness? Did they ever blame you for their illness or did you ever feel guilty concerning their illness? Who and when? B= (17,18,19,20,21,22).

 

6. Did you ever experience the feeling of humiliation in the presence of others or in connection with others? In which cases? B= (1,4,5,8,14,23,24,25,70,143).

 

7. Were you ever compared to others as to whether you were less or more capable or worthy? To whom, in which instances, and in connection with which abilities or character traits? B= (1,23,24,25,26,70,143).

 

8. Have you ever lost a loved one? Who and when? B= (7,8,9,10,11,12,14,15,17, 18,21,27,28,2,142).

 

9. Did anyone ever approach you sexually without your consent? Who, when, and how did you feel? B=(1,30,31,32,33, 34,136,142).

 

10. Were you ever aware of your parents or anyone else making love? Who and when? How did you feel and what did you think? B= (33,34,35,36,37).

 

11. Did your parents ever state that you were the only reason they stayed together, and that this had been a big sacrifice on their part? Did they ever tell you they had sacrificed a great deal for your sake, and that you were indebted to them? Who? When? About what matters? What exactly do they believe you owe them?  B= (1,6,38,39,40,41,41,42,43,141,143).

 

12. Did anyone ever accuse you of being the cause of his or her unhappiness, illness or problems? Who accused you and about what exactly? What did they mean by saying that it was your fault? What does this statement mean to you? According to them, what should you have done? B= (38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47, 48,49,50,51,52.53,54,141,143).

 

13. Did anyone ever say you would never achieve anything in your life, that you are lazy, incompetent, or dumb? Who, when and concerning what matters? B= (55,56,57,58,59,60,141,142,143).

 

14. Were you ever caught playing with your genitals (alone or with others), and did anyone make you feel guilty about that? Who? When? What was their message? B= (61,62,63).

 

15. Did anyone speak about guilt and punishment from a person, a parent, the police or God? Who? When? About what types of guilt and what type of punishment? B= (1,62,63,64,65,141,142,143).

 

16. Did any teacher ever make you feel humiliated in front of other children? When? How? Concerning what? B= (66,67,68,69,142,143).

 

17. Did you ever feel rejection or inferiority in the company of other children? By whom? Inferior by what criteria? B= (23,24,25,26,70,142,143).

 

18. Were you ever told you were responsible for the general well being of your siblings or others, and that whatever happened to them was your responsibility? Who did? About whom? Concerning what matters were you responsible? B= (44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51,52,53, 54,141,143).

 

19. Were you ever made to understand in some way (negative or positive) that in order for someone to be acceptable and lovable, one must: B= (141,142,143).

___a. Be better than the others?

___b. Be first at everything?

___c. Be perfect, without faults?

___d. Be intelligent and clever?

___e.  Be handsome / beautiful?

___f.  Have perfect order and cleanliness at home?

___g.  Have great success in his/her love life?

___h.  Be financially and socially successful?

___i.  Be accepted by everyone?

___j.  Be active in many ways? Achieve many things?

___k.  Always satisfy the needs of others?

___l.   Never say “no” to others?

___m. Never express his/her personal needs?

 

20. Did anyone ever make you believe in some way that you were incapable of thinking, making decisions, or achieving things by yourself, and that you would always need to depend on others? Who passed on this message to you? About what matters were you supposedly “incapable” of making decisions or handling life properly? B= (91,92,93,94,142,143).

 

21. Did you ever have role models (parents, older siblings or others) who were, or still are, so dynamic and competent that you felt: B= (95,96,97,98,141,142,143).

a.  The need to be like them?

b. The need to prove your worth, to reach or even surpass these models?

c. Despair, self-rejection, abandonment of effort, self-destructive tendencies (possibly subconscious), because you believed you could never measure up to them?

In connection with whom has any of this occurred (a, b or c) and with what criteria of success?

 

22. Has there ever been in your environment someone with unexpected, unpredictable, nervous or even schizophrenic behavior (possibly alcohol or drug induced) making it difficult for you to anticipate what he or she might do next? Have they engaged in violent behavior (physical or psychological)? By whom, and what was the behavior like? B=  (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,11,12,13,14,15,16,99,100, 101,102,103,104,105,106,107,108,135,142)

 

23. Have you felt rejection towards or shame concerning one of your parents? For whom and why? B= (109,110,111,112,142,143).

 

24. Did you ever make the discovery that one of your parents had an extra-marital affair? When and under what circumstances? How did you feel about that?

B= (83,104,109,110,111,112).

 

25. Did anyone often speak to you about a vengeful, punishing God or about the “Devil?” Who did, and in what context? B= (1,62,63,64,65,113,114,135,141,142,143).

 

26. Did you ever feel that someone told you one thing but did another, that there was no consistency in their words, that they had a double standard – one for themselves and another for others – or that they were hypocritical, false and deceptive? Who and when? Concerning what topics? B= (115,116, 117,118,119,120,121).

 

27. Upon what was your parents’ security based?

___a) on money?

___b) on the others’ opinions?

___c) on education?

___d) on personal power?

___e) on the unity of the family?

___f) on property?

___g) on one’s spouse?

___h) other? _________________________

B= (122,123,124,125,126,127,128,129,142,143).

 

28. Were you a spoiled child who always got whatever you wanted, and to whom no one ever refused a favor? B= (131,132,142).

 

29. Did anyone suppress your freedom of movement and expression? Did they force you to do things you did not want to do? (study, visits, dress). Did they forbid you to do things you wanted to do? What were you forced to do or prevented from doing? B= (135,136,137,138,142,143).

 

30. (FOR WOMEN). Did anyone in some way try to make you believe that since you are a girl:

a. You are worth less than a man?

b. You are not safe without a man?

c.  Sex is dirty (a sin)?

d. You must be married in order to be socially accepted?

e. You are less competent than men?

f.  Your only mission is to serve others?

g. You must not express your needs, feelings or opinions?

h. You must submit yourself to your husband?

i.  You must be attractive to be acceptable?

B= (133 a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o, 141,142.143).

 

31. (FOR MEN). Did anyone in some way try to make you believe that since you are a boy:

a. You must be strong?

b. You must be superior, more competent, stronger and more intelligent than your wife?

c. Your self worth is measured according to the success of your love life or the number of your sexual conquests?

d. Your worth is measured according to your professional (financial) success?

e. You must compare yourself with other men?

B= (134 a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l, 141,142,143).

 

ADDITIONAL AIDS FOR THE

SEARCH INTO THE CHILDHOOD YEARS

 

In addition to this list of childhood experiences, we can also search the past in the following ways:

 

1. Through childhood regressions: Guided by a well-trained professional, we can re-experience memories of the past.

 

2.  By writing the story of our childhood years, we can strengthen our contact with the details of the past. This can be written in the first person, but even better in the third person, as if we are chronicling the life of some other person. This enables us to be more objective and honest in our observations. We will discover patterns of behavior that we tend to repeat throughout the years. We will find the experiences that have marked our subconscious, creating our emotional mechanisms.

This life story need not be detailed in chronological order. Each day, we can add whatever we remember in any order.

The first comment made by many people is, “ I don’t remember anything before the age of ten. How will I do this?”  This is no problem. As we start to write, the subconscious will be awakened and memories will start flowing forth. The more we write, the more the memories will be activated.

Placing old photographs before us as we write will help, as will asking parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts and older brothers and sisters what they can remember. We are not obligated to accept their interpretation of the past, but their words may trigger other memories.

Best results will be obtained if we dedicate at least twenty minutes daily to this process for at least three months.

 

The basic guidelines for writing the story of our childhood years are:

a. Add whatever additional memories you remember each day.

b. It need not to be in chronological order.

c. We can write in the third or first person.

d. Ask others (parents, uncles, aunts, siblings, grandparents) what they remember.

e. Look at old pictures.

 

3. A questionnaire for getting acquainted with the inner child

Answering these questions will assist our investigation into the messages we might have received in our childhood years. Complete the following sentences with at least three answers for each if possible. Also, try to remember exactly what happened which caused you to come to those assumptions.

a. As a child, I heard that my most significant faults were…..

b. As a child, I felt guilty about/for….

c. Some messages I received about God were…

d. Some messages I received about sex were…

e. Some messages I received about money were…

f. I felt rejection when…

g. I felt fear when…

h. I felt shame or inferiority when…

  i. I felt abandonment when

 

4. A deeper questionnaire concerning our beliefs

The following questionnaire will give us supplementary information concerning the programmings we developed in those early years. Please answer as honestly as you can, allowing enough time to establish contact with the various parts of your personality.  Do not be surprised by needs, desires, beliefs and feelings that seem to conflict or be contradictory. This is quite common and natural for a person in the process of evolution who is passing through changes in his values, beliefs and needs.

 

Give three or more answers to each question.

 

A. The basis for our feelings of security.

 

1. The three positive human characteristics which I value most are …

2. The three negative human characteristics that I find most unacceptable are…

3. I love and accept myself more when ….

4. I feel guilty when …

5. I have negative feelings when…

6. I feel happy when …

7. I feel insecure when…

8. I feel secure when…

9. I do not believe I can ….

10. If my house were on fire and I could save only three objects (excluding people or animals), they would be…..

11. My three strongest fears are….

 

B. How I perceive others and how I believe they perceive me.

12. How I believe my spouse or love partner perceives me. (Or previous spouse or love partner. Or all spouses and love partners we have had until now.)

13. Three of my spouse’s (love partner’s) positive traits are …

14. Three of my spouse’s (love partner’s) negative traits are…

15. How I believe my parents perceive me….

16. My parents always told me that I was unable to …

17. The criticism I heard most often from my parents was…

18. Three of my father’s positive qualities were/are…

19. Three of my father’s negative qualities were/are…

20. Three of my mother’s positive qualities were/are…

21. Three of my mother’s negative qualities were/are…

22. This is how I remember my parents’ relationship until I was 21 years old.

23. I find it difficult to forgive others for…

 

C. How I see myself.

24. I feel weak and vulnerable when …

25. The criticism I hear most often from those around me is…

26. Three of my positive character traits are…

27. Three of my weaknesses or faults are …

28. I find it difficult to forgive myself for…

29. I feel unable to …

30. I wish I could …

31. I imagine God to be…

33. I feel God in my life when …. and in this way …

34. My life purpose is ….

 

35. Now imagine that you are writing to a very good friend whom you have not seen since grammar school, and you want to describe yourself to him. How would you do it?

 

Having discovered various experiences, which in the past were painful for us or have programmed us in negative ways, we can go on to analyze each experience separately with the help of the following questionnaire.

 

ANALYSIS OF UNPLEASANT CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

 

a. Describe an experience or general situation which was unpleasant, that made you feel fear, sorrow, guilt, rejection, danger, injustice, jealousy or any other unpleasant emotion.

b. What were the exact emotions you felt as a child?

c. What thoughts did you have, or what conclusions did you reach as a child because of this experience or situation?

d. In what way did you react then as a child?

e. What effect did this experience have upon you later in life, or even today?

f. If you could have been absolutely open and honest at that time, what would you have said to your parents, teachers, God or to others who played a part (or who were with you) in this event or in this situation concerning:

1. What you felt?

2. Your needs and desires?

3. What you wanted them to do or not do?

(Write the answers in the second person, as if you were speaking directly to them or writing them a letter).

 

When you finish with one experience or situation, go on to another and another, answering the same questions.

 

 

EXPRESSING THE EMOTIONS OF OUR CHILDHOOD YEARS

 

Once we have established contact with some of the unexpressed emotions, needs and beliefs of our childhood years, the next stage is to express and release them without, of course, hurting others. Some ways in which we can do this are listed here.

 

1. Write letters to the people who played an important role in the unpleasant and pleasant experiences of your childhood (parents, teachers, uncles, aunts, siblings, grandparents, others). We will not necessarily send these letters. We simply need to write them, in order to recognize and express what is hidden within us.

a. Communicate totally, openly and honestly.

b. Add new thoughts and feelings each day.

c.  Do not concern yourself with chronological order.

d. Express how you felt at that young age (not how you see it or explain it now).

e. Release and express your negative and positive feelings.

f.  Express the needs, feelings, desires and thoughts you had at that time.

We will also want to express our positive feelings, love and gratitude.

 

2. Read these letters to someone who is experienced in active listening and psychodrama.

a. If you find that reading these letters causes strong feelings, take time to express and release those feelings before you continue reading. You may then need to switch to an emotional release technique. Do not keep these emotions locked inside you.

b. You may need to read these letters additional times until the emotional charge is released. You can read it as many times as necessary until you are able to read it without feeling upset about the letter’s content.

 

3. Below is a more detailed questionnaire that will help with the clarification and expression of exactly what we felt, needed and believed as children. It is best if we write with the opposite hand than the one with which we usually write.  In this way, we can more easily connect with the weakness, difficulty and vulnerability we experienced in those childhood years. It also stimulates the opposite side of the brain, bringing more memories to the surface.

 

Questions which aid in expressing our feelings as children

 

We imagine that one of the persons who played an important role in our childhood experiences is asking us these questions. We answer the questions separately for each person with whom we want to communicate.

It does not matter if the soul we are writing to has left his or her physical body. It does not matter whether the other can fully understand what we are writing. We are not writing this to give it to anyone (although, if we feel that it will help the other, we are free to do so). We are writing this in order to discover, understand and express ourselves more deeply.

We have everything to gain by being as honest as possible by answering from our inner child. If there are matters about which our inner child feels differently from our adult, we can express both sides if we choose, but it is best to place emphasis on the inner child’s opportunity to express it self.

These are the questions we are being asked by this person:

 

a. Tell me, when you were a child, did I do anything which upset you, hurt you or made you feel fear, rejection, guilt, injustice, bitterness, disappointment, guilt, anger or some other negative emotion?

b. Please tell about each occasion, situation or behavior separately. Give me the complete details:

1. What exactly did I do or not do?

2. How did you feel?

3. What did you think then?

4. What conclusions did you draw about yourself?

5. What conclusions did you draw about me?

c. Did you feel that I had high expectations of you, that I wanted you to be something special? Please explain to me exactly what you believed I wanted you to be physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, etc. Perhaps because I praised you for some things, you believed that I accepted and loved you only if you excelled in those areas?

1. How did you feel about that?

2. What did you think then?

3. What conclusions did you draw about your self worth and love in general?

d. What other emotions would you like to express to me?

e. What did you need from me then which I did not give you enough of?

f.  What would you have liked me to do then which I did not do?

g. What would you have preferred that I not do which I did?

h. Did you ever feel guilt, shame or self-rejection as a child?

1. At what times and for what reasons? What did you do, say or think?

2. What did you believe which made you feel guilty?

3. Did I, in any way, cause you to feel guilty in those situations? How?

4. Were others also instrumental in causing you to feel guilty? Who, and for what?

5. What would you like to say to me or to the others concerning those situations?

i. What could I do now, to help you feel better?

j. What could you yourself do now in order to feel better?

 

The above questions help us clarify what we need to express and release. The rest of the questions have to do with the process of transformation, and are best left until we feel we are ready to accept what happened, to forgive the perpetrators, and move on with a clean state. We will present them here but they should be used only when we are ready

Questions which aid in transforming:

 

k. What thought-forms (conclusions, beliefs) were created in you then due to those experiences?

l. Which of those thought-forms (conclusions, beliefs) have you totally overcome, and which are still alive in you, even to a small degree?

m. What do you think was my inner state, which caused me to behave the way I did then? (Remember that we are imagining that the person who may have hurt us with his behavior is asking us these questions.)

n. What do you think were the motives, needs, feelings, and beliefs that caused me to behave the way I did then?

o. If the spiritual truth that “life gives us exactly what we need as souls in evolution in order to evolve and develop spiritual virtues,” is actually true, what could be the lessons or the virtues which you are being asked to work on here?

p. What do you need to learn here in order to be happy?

q. Which beliefs do you need to change here in order to free yourself from the false beliefs of the past?

r. What do you need to do or believe in order to forgive me and free yourself from my presence in your subconscious?

s. What do you need to do or believe in order to forgive yourself and enjoy your purity and goodness?

t. What changes do you want to make in your lifestyle in order to find harmony and strength? How and when will you make these changes?

 

POSITIVE MESSAGES FOR OUR INNER CHILD

 

The following is a list of possible messages for our inner child, which can be strengthened internally by:

a. Writing them in a letter to the inner child

b. Introducing them to the inner child while in the transformation regression.

c. Replaying them our daily communication with the inner child.

d. Making a relaxation cassette with these messages.

 

1. I accept and love you exactly as you are.

2. I appreciate you and respect you.

3. I feel affection and tenderness for you.

4. You are free to do what you like provided you are not hurting anybody.

5. You are capable and strong.

6. There is an infinite spiritual power within you that protects you from illness, traumas and dangers.

7. Your body is healthy, strong and resistant to illness.

8. You live in divine justice which brings to you only what is useful for your development.

9. You selected your parents and the events of your childhood, and thus you created the perfect conditions for your development.

10. There is a Divine Power that guides you from within.

11. There is within you a knowing and wise voice that always leads you correctly in your life. Follow it.

12. You have the right and the responsibility to express your inner strength and beauty creatively.

13. You deserve love and respect from everyone, regardless of your appearance, social position, profession, knowledge, achievements, or what others think of you.

14. Your self worth is the same as that of every other soul, no more and no less.

15. No one else can create or be responsible for your happiness, health or success.

16. You cannot create or assume responsibility for the happiness, health or success of others.

17. You are an eternal, divine consciousness in the process of developing the ability to express the beauty that exists within you.

18. Everything is God. There is no one or thing that is not the expression of the one universal consciousness (God). You are no exception.

19. It is not necessary to live your life according to the convictions or expectations of your parents or anyone else. Love, respect and help them, but live according to your own principles, needs and convictions.

20. Your “parents” are eternal souls in a process of evolution whom you selected to play these roles in this incarnation. Your only real parent is God.

21. You have the same worth, wisdom, strength, and rights as the eternal souls who played the role of your parents.

22. Whatever anyone did to harm you was out of ignorance or fear.

23. Your parents were once children who were programmed by their parents.

 

Having healed the inner child through these truths, we are now ready to begin the process of forgiveness, which is our liberation from the past. If upon working with your childhood years you realize that you need to forgive others or yourself, refer to the chapter on forgiveness in the book Relationships of Conscious Love by the same author. (This chapter can also be found on our web site)

LIST OF POSSIBLE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

LIST OF POSSIBLE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

LIST OF POSSIBLE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

 

Following you will find a list of possible childhood experiences. Perhaps they may not have occurred exactly as described here, but may have been similar. You may be reminded of something else you may want to note down.

 

These childhood experiences may have created a mistaken, inferior image of ourselves.

 

Note: (The numbers after each experience refers to the list of beliefs – subconscious conclusions of the child, which may have been programmed into the child’s vulnerable mind because of these experiences).

 

Wherever the questions refer to your parents or other persons of your childhood, think not only of the parents, but also of stepmothers, stepfathers, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters, cousins, teachers and whatever other people existed in your life as a child and up to the age of 18.

 

YES —- NO —-1. Was it someone who got angry at you, scolded you, rejected you or accused you? Who and when?

 

YES —- NO —- 2. Were there people who fought among themselves or rejected or hurt one another? Who and when?

 

YES —- NO —- 3. Have you ever experienced the feeling of abandonment? Were you ever left alone, or felt that others didn’t understand you, or that there was no support? When? By whom? How?

 

YES —- NO —- 4. Did you ever feel the need for more affection, tenderness or expression of love? From whom and when (during which periods)?

 

YES —- NO —- 5. Were there persons in your environment who were often ill or who spoke often of illness? Who and when?

 

YES —- NO —- 6. Did you ever experience the feeling of humiliation in the presence of others or in connection with others? In which cases?

 

YES —- NO —- 7. Were you ever compared to others as to whether you were less or more capable or worthy? To whom, in which instances, and in connection with what abilities or character traits?

 

YES —- NO —- 8. Have you ever lost a loved one? Who and when?

 

YES —- NO —- 9. Did anyone ever approach you sexually without your consent?

 

YES —- NO —- 10. Were you ever aware of your parents or anyone else making love? Who and when? How did you feel and what did you think?

 

YES —- NO —- 11. Did your parents ever state that you were the only reason they continued staying together and that that had been a big sacrifice on their part? Or, did they ever tell you they have sacrificed a great deal for your sake, and that you are indebted to them? Who? When? About what matters? What exactly do you owe them.

 

YES —- NO —- 12. Did they ever accuse you for being the cause for their unhappiness or illness or problems? Who accused you and about what exactly? What did they mean that it was your fault, what does this fact mean to you? According to them what should you have done?

 

YES —- NO —- 13. Did they ever tell you that you are not going to achieve anything in your life, that you are lazy or incapable, or dumb? Who, when and concerning what matters?

 

YES —- NO —- 14. Were you ever caught playing with your genitals (alone or with others) and did anyone make you feel guilty for that? Who? When? What was their message?

 

YES —- NO —- 15. Did they often speak about guilt and punishment (either from some person (parent, police) or God)? Who? When? About what types of guilt and what type of punishment?

 

YES —- NO —- 16. Did any teacher ever make you feel humiliated in front of other children? When? How? Concerning what?

 

YES —- NO —- 17. In the company of other children, did you ever feel rejection or inferiority? By whom, and inferior by what criteria?

 

YES —- NO —- 18. Were you ever told that you were responsible for your siblings or for others in general, and that whatever happens to them is your responsibility? Who did? About whom? Concerning what matters were you responsible?

 

YES —- NO —- 19. Were you ever made to understand by some way (negative or positive) that, in order for someone to be acceptable and lovable, one must:

 

a. Be better than the others?

 

b. Be first at everything?

 

c. Be perfect, without faults?

 

d. Be intelligent and clever?

 

e. Be handsome / beautiful?

 

f. Have perfect order and cleanliness at home?

 

g. Have great success in his/her love life?

 

h. Have financial and social success?

 

i. Be accepted by everyone — him?

 

j. Be active in many ways? Achieve many things?

 

k. Always satisfy the needs of others?

 

l. Never say “no” to others?

 

m. Not to express his/her needs?

 

YES —- NO —- 20. Did they ever make you understand in some way that you are incapable of thinking, making decisions or achieving things by yourself, and that you will always need to listen to advice and depend on others? Who passed on this message to you? About what matters are you supposedly “incapable” of makind decisions or hundling properly?

 

YES —- NO —- 21. Did you ever have role models (parents, older siblings or others) who were, or still are, very dynamic and competent so that you felt:

 

YES —- NO —- a. The need to be like them?

 

YES —- NO —- b. The need to prove your worth; to be like them, to reach or even surpass these models?

 

YES —- NO —- c. Dispair, self-rejection, abandonment of effort, perhaps self-destructive (possibly subconscious) tendencies because you believed you could never measure up to them?

 

In connection with whom has any of this occured (a,c or c) and with what criteria of success?

 

YES —- NO —- 22. Has there ever been in your environment someone with unexpected, unpredictable, nervous or even schizophrenic behavior (possibly alcoholic or drug addict) so that you might not know what to expect from him? Has there been violence (physical or psychological)? By whom and what was the behavior like?

 

YES —- NO —- 23. Have you felt rejection or shame for one of your parents? For whom and why?

 

YES —- NO —- 24. Did you ever make the discovery that one of your parents has had an extra-marital affair? When and under what circumstances? How did you feel about that?

 

YES —- NO —- 25. Did they speak to you often about God the punisher? Who did, and about what?

 

YES —- NO —- 26. Did you ever feel that they told you one thing but did another, that there was no consistency to their word, that they had a double standard, one for themselves and another for the others, or that they were hypocrites, false and not true? Who and when? Concerning what topics?

 

YES —- NO —- 27. Upon what was your parents’ security based?

 

a) on money?

b) on the opinion of others?

c) on education?

d) on personal power?

e) on the unity of the family?

f) on property?

g) on one’s mate?

h) other?

YES —- NO —- 28. Were you a spoiled child that always had whatever it wanted and to whom no one ever refused a favour?

 

YES —- NO —- 29. Did they suppress your freedom of movement and expression? Did they force you to do things you did not want to do? (study, visits, dress). Did they forbid you to do things you wanted to do? What were you forced to do or prevented from doing?

 

YES —- NO —- 30. (FOR WOMEN ONLY). Did they in some way make you understand that since you are a girl:

 

a. You are worth less?

b. You are not safe without a man?

c. Sex is dirty (a sin)?

d. In order to be socially acceptable you must get married?

e. You are less competent than men?

f. Your only mission is to serve others?

g. You must not express your needs, your feelings, your opinion?

h. You must submit your self to your husband?

i. You must be beautiful to be acceptable?

 

YES —- NO —- 31. (FOR MEN ONLY). Did they in some way make you understand that since you are a boy:

 

a. You must be strong?

b. You must be superior, more competent, stronger and more intelligent than your wife?

c. Your worth is measured according to the success of your love life?

d. Your worth is measured according to your professional (financial) success?

e. You must compare yourself with other men?

LIST OF POSSIBLE MESSAGES FOR THE INNER CHILD

LIST OF POSSIBLE MESSAGES FOR THE INNER CHILD

LIST OF POSSIBLE MESSAGES FOR THE INNER CHILD

1. I love you and accept you exactly as you are.
2. I appreciate you and respect you.
3. I feel affection and tenderness for you.
4. You are free to do what you like, provided you are not hurting anybody.
5. You are capable and strong.
6. There is an infinite spiritual power within you which protects you from illness, events and dangers.
7. Your body is healthy and strong and resistant to illness.
8. You live in a divine plan which brings to you only what is useful for your development.
9. You selected your parents and the events of your childhood, and thus you created the perfect conditions for your development.
10. There is a Divine Power which guides you from within.
11. There is within you an all-wise voice that always leads you correctly in your life. Follow it.
12. You have the right and the responsibility to express your inner strength and beauty creatively.
13. You deserve the love and respect from everyone, regardless of your appearance, social position, profession, knowledge, achievements and of what others think of you.
14. Your self worth is the same as that of every other soul, no more no less.
15. No one else can create or have the responsibility for your happiness, health or success.
16. You cannot create or assume responsibility for the happiness, health or success of others.
17. You are an eternal, divine consciousness in the process of developing the ability to express the beauty that exists within you.
18. Everything is God. There is no one or nothing that is not the expression of the one universal consciousness (God) – You are no exception.
19. It is not necessary to live your life according to the convictions or expectations of your parents or of others. Love, respect and help them, but live according to your principles, needs and convictions.
20. Your “parents” are eternal souls in a process of evolution whom you selected to play these roles in this incarnation. Your only real parent is God.
21. You have the same worth, wisdom, strength, and rights as the eternal souls who played the role of your parents.
22. Whatever anyone did to harm you was out of ignorance or fear.
23. Your parents were once children who were programmed by their parents.

LIST OF POSSIBLE AFFIRMATIONS FOR SELF ACCEPTANCE

LIST OF POSSIBLE AFFIRMATIONS FOR SELF ACCEPTANCE

LIST OF POSSIBLE AFFIRMATIONS FOR SELF ACCEPTANCE

1. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of others’ opinions or behavior.

2. My self worth is totally independent of how I compare to others.

3. My self worth is totally independent of any external factors such as: INTELLIGENCE, WEALTH, MY HOME, APPEARANCE, TALENTS, PROFESSIONAL SUCCESS, MY CHILDRENS’ SUCCESS, BEING ATTRACTIVE TO THE OPPOSITE SEX, MAKING FRIENDS, DISCIPLINES, “SPIRITUAL” ACTIVITIES.

4. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of the results of my efforts.

5. I am worthy and will be loved even when others are being given more attention. I am happy for others when they receive love and attention.

6. My self worth is within me and totally independent of whether I am loved exclusively by someone on or not.

7. I am worthy of love and respect even when I am not perfect in what I do and even when I make mistakes.

8. My self worth is totally independent of how much I accomplish.

9. I am worthy of love and respect even when I feel weak or needy.

10. My self worth is totally independent of whether others agree with me or satisfied with me.

11. I deserve love and respect even when I need to say “no” and not respond to what I am asked to do.

12. My self worth has nothing to do with how much I give or receive.

13. My self worth is totally independent as to whether some people trust me or open up to me on not.

14. My self worth is totally independent of how people behave towards me.

15. My self worth is totally independent of how much others work or how they work or what they believe about me.

16. My self worth is a reflection of my divine nature and not my gender, religion, social class etc. .

17. My self worth is totally independent of whether others recognize it or how they feel towards me.

18. I accept and love my self as I am with my faults and weaknesses as I steadily and methodically evolve out of them.

19. I am intelligent and capable enough to succeed in any endeavor which is important to me.

20. I deserve to be loved and respected exactly as I am ( at this stage of my evolutionary process).
21. I have the inner power and strength to deal with whatever life brings me.

22. I am capable of handling any possible difficulties which might occur.

23. I am beautiful exactly as I am – just as all aspects of nature.

24. I am a good person, a worthy person.

25. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of how others behave towards me.

26. I respect and love all persons (especially my parents and family) without feeling any need whatsoever to live my life according to their beliefs or values. I live my life in harmony with my inner values and beliefs.

27. I am in no way responsible for others people’s reality but only for my own motives and behavior towards them.

28. No else is responsible for my reality. I am totally responsible for what I feel and experience in life.

29. My self worth is based on my inner being, my existence itself, my inner divine nature and on no other external factors.

30. My self worth is a simple function of the fact that I, as all others creatures, am an unique aspect of divine creation. My self worth cannot be increased nor decreased. I can never be more or less worthy of love and respect than another.

31. Although I am not perfect and have various faults, I deserve to be loved and respected as I am, just I as I love and respect others with their faults.

32. When I do not love my self, I am not loving an aspect of divine creation.

33. I often accept in others traits which I reject in my self. Why?

34. I am in a process of evolution and am attending to that process

35.All beings deserve my love and respect, including my self.

LIST OF POSSIBLE SITUATIONS AND LESSONS

LIST OF POSSIBLE SITUATIONS AND LESSONS

LIST OF POSSIBLE SITUATIONS AND LESSONS – SOME GUIDELINES FOR USING THIS LIST OF SITUATIONS AND LESSONS

This list is designed to help persons searching for the lessons which they may be being asked to learn through various life situations. It is a supplement to the three other lists (of beliefs, of roles and behavior, and of childhood experiences) and is designed to aid in our overall inner search so as to discover the root beliefs of our problems and how to go about changing them.
In this list we are dealing with the most external aspect of this search, the situations which are offered to us from life so that we may discover our inner obstacles and overcome them. In using this list let us keep some points in mind.

a. The lesson which we need to learn is just the external manifestation of deeper beliefs. We will need to find the belief behind the lesson, the belief which we will need to change in order to learn the lesson.

b. A situation listed here may be only remotely similar to something which we may be experiencing. We can make any modifications in the situation and lessons which suit us.

c. Many lessons may not seem to fit at first, but then after time, we realise that we actually need to learn something similar to what is being said. Thus it would be useful for each who has discovered a situation which is similar to his or hers to write down the list of possible lessons and look at them from time to time.

d. One might want to ask family members and friends to look at the list and suggest their possible opinions.

e. The lists are by no means complete. Feel free to add both lessons and keys to freedom to each list. Additions would gladly received by email for inclusion in future texts. Feel free also to send us new situations which you do not find here.

f. It is not sufficient to discover the lesson, we need to go one step further and m make plan as to how we plan to get free and overcome our blockage, fear or problem.

g. Once we find the lesson we want to learn and the belief we want to change, then it will be useful to examine our childhood years to see if we can find any experiences or messages which we received which lead us to believing this belief which we want to change. We can then follow the various procedures for freeing ourselves from childhood experiences

h. Often lessons are repeated but expressed in a slightly different way. This is done because one may not be able to see the lesson with one type of wording but be able to see it with another. Each may choose the wording which suits him or make up his own wording.

i. Remember to use the catalogue of the roles and behavior in relationship to this list as many roles are also ‘situations’.

SITUATIONS AND LESSONS

1. He says “NO”, but goes ahead despite the fact he doesn’t want to.

He grumbles, feels mistreated, bursts out in anger every so often, because of the resentment he allows to collect inside him.

Lessons:
a) To realize that he is free to do what he wants.
b) To become liberated from the thought patterns (thought forms) which make him incapable of saying “no” to what others are asking him to do.
c) To do whatever he does with love and not because of fear or sense of duty.
d) To allow others have the responsibility for their reality.

2. He says “YES” , but does not do what he is asked to do.

Afterwards he feels guilty, becomes defensive, and maybe also aggressive.

Lessons:
a) All the lessons of No.1.
b) To become free from fear of
1) Being controlled by others
2) Making mistakes and failing.

NOTE: We can observe how people who are found in supposedly opposite roles, i.e. Very Responsible and Irresponsible, have many similar convictions and lessons. They simply react differently.

Keys to Freedom
a. I am free to do what I want and believe in.
b. My self worth independent of other’s opinion of me.

3. He Suppresses himself
in order to be “O.K.”

However, the others don’t do the same. He feels mistreated. He feels hurt and has many complaints and criticism for others. They make many mistakes, but he never tells them. Others are not correct, because they treat him unjustly.

Lessons:
a) Life is a mirror and reflects:
1. My fear of criticism.
2. My criticism of others.
3. Some mistake I keep making which I need to overcome, and so I keep coming across it.
4. Guilt or inner conflict for what I do.
5. The thought form that others will criticise me or will not treat me well.

NOTE: These five possibilities may exist in all feelings of injustice.

b) To be more sincere in communicating.
c) To accept others as they are.
d) To become free of some habit that creates conflict with others.
e) To become liberated from the beliefs which create guilt or inner conflict.
f) To become free from the fear of criticism. To feel its usefulness regardless other people’s opinion.
g) To become free from the thought pattern that this is how others will treat me.
h) To have more self-respect. To emit a sense dignity which will invite others’ respect.

Keys to Freedom

a) Life is a mirror.
b) I deserve others’ respect and love others in every situation.
c) I love and accept others as they are, as evolving souls.
d) I communicate openly and sincerely in every situation.

4. I cannot feel well because my loved one is not well.

Lessons:
a) To understand that the other is an independent, eternal soul which creates its own reality exclusively in order to learn the lessons it has come to learn in this phase of its life.
b) To give love and assistance without feeling responsible for the health, happiness or success of others.
c) To believe in a divine plan for my loved one.
d) To perceive the other as an eternal soul instead of as my child, parent, spouse, etc.

Keys to Freedom

a) Each of us is an eternal, evolving soul.
b) I can help, but I cannot create anybody else’s reality.
c) I cannot help anybody with my own unhappiness.

5. I cannot feel well because my loved one does not love me.

He doesn’t do as I tell him. He gives me no attention, tenderness, love. He doesn’t agree with me. He doesn’t approve of me.

Lessons:

a) I am not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.
b) My worth is not valued according to how my loved one sees me.
c) I am safe even if I don’t have my loved one’s approval.
d) Just because my loved one does not do as I say, or doesn’t give me any attention and tenderness, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me.
e) I must learn to free myself from the need to seek what I am seeking for from some other.
f) I need to learn to ask for what I need with greater assurance, self respect and certainty.

Keys to Freedom

a) I am worthy, regardless of the opinion of my loved ones.
b) I am secure even when alone.
c) If they don’t do what I ask them to do, it doesn’t mean they don’t love me.
d) I express my needs clearly and firmly.

6. I lose my love when those around me fail to give me what I want or need – otherwise I do love them.

Lessons:

a) All those found in No. 4 and No. 5.
b) To love others as they are, souls in the process of evolution.
c) That life gives me exactly what I need every moment for my evolution.

Keys to Freedom

a) All those found in No. 4 and No. 5.
b) I am an eternal soul. My fullness and happiness are found within me.

7. I lose my serenity and become aggressive when my program changes suddenly.

I look for the person “responsible” and I release my anger or frustration on him. I have difficulty in flowing with situations as they develop.

Lessons:

a) That I am not in danger from change or the unknown. To have full confidence in life and the divine plan.
b) To have confidence in my ability to face anything which might happens.
c) To remember that life is giving, has given and always will give me exactly what I need for my evolution.
d) I don’t need to control every situation in order to be safe.

Keys of Happiness

1) I live within a divine plan and I am always safe.
2) Life gives me exactly what I need every moment.

8. I am unhappy because the others never understand me.
And thus, I don’t try to communicate.

Lessons:

a) To become liberated of the need to be understood by others.
b) To be liberated of the thought form that the others are not going to understand me.
c) To learn to communicate more firmly and clearly so that the other person will be prompted to listen to me.
d) To find out what it is that I do which makes the other person unable to be open with me.
e) To discover past experiences which make me attract, and be sensitive to, such behavior.

Keys to Happiness

a) I am worthy and secure, regardless if others (or particularly he/she) pay attention, love me or understand me.
b) I express myself openly and sincerely, regardless of the results.
c) Underneath people’s negativity, I can discern their fear and pain.

9. I must do what others (especially parents) expect of me.
I am indebted. I am unhappy because I can’t do what I want.

Lessons:

a) To do whatever I do because of love and not because of obligation.
b) To acquire discrimination in relation to what exactly I owe, i.e., I owe love, respect, help etc. but not living my life according to other people’s expectations.
c) To become conscious of the fact that my life belongs to me and not to anyone else.
d) Not to blame others as an excuse for my inability to do those things which would lead to my own self-fulfillment.
e) To communicate more openly and clearly with the others in connection with my beliefs, feelings, purposes, values and needs.
f) That others can love me even when I don’t fulfill their expectations.

Keys to Happiness

a) I love, respect and help everybody (and those who have helped me) but I live my life according to my own values and purposes.
b) I listen to every point of view; I think and then follow my own conclusions.
c) I communicate openly and sincerely, even with those who don’t agree with me.
d) Others will love me even when I don’t fulfill their expectations.

10. I cannot have love, attention, tenderness from others. They don’t give them to me. I feel injustice and indignation (wounded, angry). I want to find somebody else who will give me what I need.

Lessons:

a) To become free of the thought forms which cause me:
1) Not to attract what I want and need from others.
2) Not to see what I do have from others.
3) To ruin what I have when I do have it.

b) To learn to ask for what I need, clearly and firmly.
c) To learn that I don’t need to have things that I require from specific people.
d) To learn to give to myself what I need.
e) Not to play games in order to have what I need from others.

Keys to Happiness

1) I deserve people’s love, tenderness and attention exactly as I am.
2) All the things I am looking for outside myself are actually inside me.
3) Whatever I need is inside me.
4) I communicate my needs openly and clearly to others.

11. I am ill and feel an injustice.
It must be some type of punishment, but I am not guilty of anything.

Lessons:

a) To become healthy by making changes in my eating and thinking habits and way of life in general.
b) To understand that illness is not a punishment but:
1) My own creation
2) An opportunity for development
c) To perceive the various opportunities for development that exist in my situation.
d) To become conscious of the fact that there is no punishment, that I am the exclusive creator of my reality.
e) To learn not to identify with the body.

Keys to Happiness

a) Life gives me exactly what I need for my development.
b) There is a cosmic justice which brings to everyone exactly what he deserves (creates).
c) I am not this body. I am an eternal soul independent of this body.

12. I am ill. I am ashamed. I feel that I am a failure, that I am weak,
that others will reject me.

Lessons:

a) To accept myself as I am, with my weaknesses and limitations.
b) To make changes in my nutrition, thinking and way of life in order to create health.
c) To become free of the thought form that others will reject me if I show weakness.
d) To accept others with their weaknesses.
e) To free myself from the need of their approval.
f) Not to identify with the body.

Keys to Happiness

a) Health is my true nature.
b) I accept myself even when my body has a problem.
c) Others love me as I am.

13. We have nothing in common.
We cannot communicate. I feel lonely, disappointment and injustice.

Lessons:

a) That the other person is exactly what I need for my spiritual development.
b) To find out what it is that I am doing which makes it difficult for the other to connect with me.
c) To find within me the fullness that up to now I was trying to find in the other person.
d) To approach the other person with more love.
e. To find what I look for in others and not think that I need to find all I need in one particular person.
f) To learn to be more interested in the other person and his concerns.

Keys to Happiness

a) I feel unity even with those who cannot communicate with me.
b) I have enough love in me for both of us (or all of us).
c) I take from God and give to man.

14. The others dominate me, they force me to do things that I don’t want to do. They won’t love me if I don’t obey. I feel injustice, fear, bitterness, oppression and anger.

Lessons:

a) I don’t need to do what others ask me to, so that:
1) I can be worthy, I can be good.
2) I will be accepted and loved.
b) That others can control me only when I want something from them (acceptance, affirmation, security, enjoyment, service, love etc.).
c) To be able to say “no” when what they ask is:
1) Harmful for me, them or others.
2) Something which spoils them that is an obstacle to their development.
3) Against my values and ethics.
d) To respect my needs and my values.
e) To love others even when they react negatively.
f) I am not responsible for the happiness, health, success and development of other people.

Keys to Happiness

a) I give what I can with love.
b) I respect others and myself.
c) I am worth loving even when I cannot satisfy others.
d) Others love me for what I am (love, light, peace) and not for what I do.

SITUATION NO. 15

I SUSPECT THAT MY SPOUSE IS SEEING SOMEONE ELSE. I FEEL HURT. BETRAYED, HUMILIATED, FEAR, SHAMED, BITTER, ANGER AND SOMETIMES, ANGER AND HATE AND WANT REVENGE.

LESSONS:
1. To analyse why my mind is predisposed to believing this about my spouse and myself.
2. To realise that by self-worth is not dependent on whether my spouse prefers me or someone else.
3. To cultivate the belief that I will be secure and can be happy and socially acceptable without my spouse.
4. To have faith that if my spouse leaves me, I will be given another if that is useful for my evolution or else I will be happy by myself.
5. To search to see what it is I am doing which may prevent the other from feeling happy or secure of loved with me.
6. To learn to be more loving and accepting towards the other.
7. To give more attention to the other and to pay more attention to his/her needs.
8. To be able to accept myself without a spouse.
9. To forgive the other for his weaknesses and mistakes and love him anyway.
10. To cultivate a more positive image of myself so that I do not so easily suspect that the other does not love me or prefers someone else.
11. To check and see whether I myself feel totally dedicated to my spouse.
12. To check to see whether I myself do not occasionally feel the need to be with someone else.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
I am lovable and acceptable in all situations.
My happiness and security are within me.
I love others without expecting anything form them.
My self-worth is permanent and unrelated to what others think or how they act.

SITUATION NO 16

OTHERS ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE AND CONSCIENTIOUS. I FEEL LET DOWN, USED, BETRAYED, BITTER, DEMEANED, HUMILIATED, ANXIOUS, FEARFUL OF FAILURE, ANGRY.

LESSONS:
1. To accept others as they are.
2. To learn to express my needs and what I expect more clearly.
3. To explain more clearly to others how I feel when our agreements are not met.
4. To detach my self-worth from the results of my actions. Not to be attached to the results of my actions.
5. To allow others the time and space to be motived to do their work.
6. To have more faith in others and their abilities.
7. To become the other’s friend and not only his coworker.
8. To do active listening to understand what the other’s problem is.
9. To love and accept the others even when they are unable to be conscientious.
10. To check and see if I myself am always responsible and conscientious in all of my activities.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I love and accept others as they are, and even when they have faults and weakness.
2. I accept and love myself regardless of the results of my efforts.
3. I have faith in the divine being in each, and allow each to take on his responsibilities.
4. The world can function without me.

SITUATION NO. 17

I AM NOT HAPPY WITH MY BOY (GIRL) FRIEND. HE/SHE DOES NOT GIVE ME WHAT I WANT. BUT I REMAIN BECAUSE I AM NOT SURE WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I AM ALONE AGAIN.

LESSONS:
1. To learn to be happy with that particular person.
2. To learn to see the others positive traits.
3. To overcome fear of relationships
4. To overcome the fear of being alone.
5. To love and accept the other as he is.
6. To believe that if it is best for me to have a partner, that he/she will come to me from life.
7. To overcome the idea that it is difficult to find a partner.
8. To free my sense of self-worth from whether I have a partner of not.
9. To learn to feel secure without a partner.
10. To see whether I am giving to the other what he needs from me.
11. Do I love and want to be with the other?

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. Life gives me exactly what I need in every situation for my happiness and growth.
2. I can be equally happy with and without a partner.
3. My security and self worth have nothing to do with whether I have a partner or not.
4. I see the divine essence in all persons.

SITUATION NO. 18

THE OTHERS ARE PLAYING THEIR TV (RADIO) LOUDLY EVERY NIGHT. I FEEL , IGNORED, DEMEANED, REJECTED, BITTER, ANGRY.

LESSONS:
1. To express my needs to the others with greater clarity, assertiveness and love.
2. To free myself from the belief that there will be conflict; that I will hurt the others or that they will hurt me.
3. To free myself from the importance which i give to what others think about me.
4. Not to take this sound personally as a rejection of my needs or person, but simply as some thing which the other needs or which makes him happy.
5. To accept the others and love them even when they are unable to respect our needs.
6. To send positive thoughts and light to the others, when they are unable to cooperate.
7. To believe that others can be interested in my needs and want to cooperate with me.
8. To love myself even when others are not able to respect my needs or feelings.
9. To check and see if perhaps I myself am not respecting other’s needs.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I love and accept myself even when others do not respect my needs.
2. I love and accept others even when they are unable to respect my needs.
3. Others love and care for me and want to cooperate with me.
4. I can confront others assertively and lovingly without their being a conflict.

SITUATION NO. 19

OTHERS ARE ALWAYS USING ME. THEY WANT TO TAKE WHATEVER THEY CAN FROM ME AND DO NOT CARE ABOUT ME. I FEEL FEAR OF BEING USED, INSECURE, CHEATED, BITTERNESS, INJUSTICE, HUMILIATED, ANGRY AND MISTRUSTFUL.

LESSONS:
1. To change my beliefs about people and their motives. To have a more positive image of people.
2. To free my self from any desires to use people.
3. To free myself from childhood experiences in which I felt that I was being used.
4. To love accept people even when they want to use me for their own needs
5. To free myself from the idea that I am in some danger if they want to use me.
6. To realise that there is nothing that anyone can take from me, if I do not give it.
7. To learn to say ‘no’ and not give that which I do not want to give.
8. To free my self from the dependency which I have on people who I believe are using me.
9. To develop inner security and feelings of self-worth so that I do not give others the chance to use me because I need them.
10. To develop the feeling of selfless service and give to others freely that which they need from me.
11. To free my self from the belief that my freedom in in danger or that others can control me.
12. To develop my feelings of inner strength and inner power.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. Life gives me exactly what I need at each moment.
2. I am lovable even when I say “no”.
3. I feel secure and safe in every situation.
4. I give freely of myself when I feel to, and explain to others that I cannot when I don’t.

SITUATION NO. 20

MY SPOUSE (OR EVEN OTHERS) DOES NOT PAY ATTENTION TO ME WHEN I SPEAK. I FEEL IGNORED, REJECTED, HUMILIATED, INJUSTICE, BITTERNESS, ANGER.

LESSONS:
1. To give the other what he needs from me.
2. Not to nag to criticise the other so much.
3. To speak to the other in a way in which he does not feel threatened or demeaned or perhaps bored.
4. To show more interest in the other’s needs.
5. Not to interrupt the other when he/she is concentrated on something else.
6. To do some active listening to try to why the other is unable to respond.
7. To express my need for him/her to pay attention more clearly and affirmatively but with love.
8. To free myself from the belief that people do not pay attention to me.
9. To free myself from childhood experiences in which they did not pay attention to me.
10. To free myself from the idea that my self-worth is diminished when others ignore me.
11. To love the other and accept him even when he/she is unable to pay attention to me or respect my needs.
12. To see what I might be doing which causes the other to react in this way.
13. Not to take this personally, but as the other’s need or weakness.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I love and accept myself regardless of the other’s behaviour.
2. I express my needs clearly, lovingly and assertively.
3. I deserve the others’ respect and attention as they deserve mine.
4. I love and accept the others regardless of their behavior.

SITUATION NO. 21

I HAVE ALWAYS HAD SO MANY RESPONSIBILITIES. EVERYONE DEPENDS ON ME. NO ONE DOES ANY THING TO HELP ME. I FEEL TIRED, WORN DOWN, ABUSED, INJUSTICE, BITTERNESS, FEARFUL THAT THINGS WILL NOT GET DONE, ANGRY AND RESENTFUL.

LESSONS:
1. To not be so attached to things getting done or to the results of our efforts.
2. To allow others the space to do things in their own time.
3. To have more faith in the others and in their abilities.
4. Not to nag others or to push them when they are not ready.
5. To allow things not to be done until the others are ready to to do them.
6. To free myself from the idea that I am responsible for everything.
7. To learn to express my needs more clearly, lovingly and assertively.
8. To search and see if I myself may not be avoid responsibilities in some other field.
9. To love and accept the others even when they cannot be as conscientious as I am.
10. To learn not to do things , when I do not feel that I want to.
11. To free my sense of self-worth from how much I do, or how capable I am.
12. To not use work and activity as a means of avoiding my inner feelings.
13. To be more relaxed in my moments and communication with others.
14. To free my self from the fear of rejection from the others when I do not fulfil all of my responsibilities.
15. To stop evaluating myself and others based on how much each does or accomplishes or how quickly he does it.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I love and accept myself regardless as to how much I do.
2. I express my needs and feelings clearly, lovingly and assertively.
3. I have faith in the other’s abilities and allow them the space to fulfil their responsibilities.
4. I am unconcerned about the results of my efforts.

SITUATION NO. 22

MY SPOUSE IN VERY JEALOUS AND CREATES UNPLEASANT SITUATIONS EVERY TIME I AM TO GO OUT BY MYSELF OR EVERY TIME THERE IS SOME OTHER STIMULUS. I FEEL SUPPRESSED, LIMITED, INJUSTICE, RESENTFUL, HURT THAT HE/SHE DOES NOT HAVE MORE FAITH IN ME, AND ALSO ANGER.

LESSONS:
1. To free myself from the feeling of responsibility which I feel for the other’s reality and function normally, with out guilt or fear.
2. To do more to help the other be sure of and secure in my love for him/her.
3. To see if maybe I have not actually given to the other with my thoughts or actions to have this fear and doubt.
4. To check and see if I myself feel secure with the other or whether or not I too might also be jealous.
5. To see if I may not be using this “power” over the other and feel perhaps “affirmed” by his/her jealousy.
6. To free my self from beliefs that I am not free or do not have the right to be free , or that my freedom is vulnerable.
7. To love and accept the other inspite of his negativity.
8. To free my self from experiences in my childhood years in which others did not believe me, or limited my freedom.
9. To learn the real freedom is internal and not external.
10. To search for the possibility that I am consciously or subconsciously rejecting the other.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I feel my innocence and my freedom regardless of the other’s behaviour.
2. I love and accept the other exactly as he is.
3. My freedom is never endangered unless I myself give it up.
4. Freedom is internal freedom from needs, fears and desires.
5. I express my needs clearly, lovingly and assertively.

SITUATION NO. 23

I FEEL ASHAMED OF MY (SPOUSE, CHILD, PARENT, FRIEND, EMPLOYER) . I FEAR THAT THEIR BEHAVIOUR WILL HUMILIATE ME IN FRONT OF THE OTHERS. I FEEL SHAME, HUMILIATION, DEMEANED, SELF REJECTION AND ALSO REJECTION TOWARDS THE OTHER AND INJUSTICE AND ANGER THAT HE/SHE IS DOING THIS TO ME.

LESSON:
1. To realise that my self-worth is not dependent on the people with whom I associate (spouse, child, parent, friend, employer etc.).
2. To free myself from the importance which I give to what others think of me.
3. To learn to accept and love the other exactly as he is.
4. To free my self from superficial ways of measuring people’s worth, such as knowledge, education, money, appearance, professional success, social success, communication skills etc.
5. To accept and love myself regardless of externals factors.
6. To discover what I am not giving to the other which prevents him from being to me what I need him to be.
7. To accept in myself that which I cannot accept in the other.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I love and accept myself and others exactly as we are.
2. Our self worth is divine and cannot change or be dependent on external factors.
3. We are all equally children of God containing the same spiritual value.
4. God is the inner consciousness of every being I meet – including myself.

SITUATION NO. 24

MY (SPOUSE, PARENT, CHILD) IS AN ADDICTED PERSON (ALCOHOL, NARCOTICS). HIS/HER BEHAVIOUR IS UNPREDICTABLE, SOMETIMES AGGRESSIVE, OFTEN IRRESPONSIBLE. I FEEL FEAR, FOR HIM AND US. I FEEL HURT, BITTER, ABUSED, REJECTED, UNWORTHY, HUMILIATED, RESENTFUL AND ANGRY BOTH AT HIM AND AT GOD.

LESSONS:
1. To believe that I deserve respect and love.
2. To get free from childhood experiences in which I was conditioned in some way to believe that I am not worthy of love and affection, happiness or freedom.
3. To learn to love and accept the other despite his/her weakness or negativity.
4. To see that the other is suffering and to want to help him without losing my own self respect and without making him even weaker.
5. To free my self from the idea that I am responsible for his/her reality or cure.
6. To allow the other to have responsibility both for his unhappiness and his therapy.
7. To realise that I have the right to be happy even if the other is not.
8. To not take what he/she does personally, and to realise that my self worth is not diminished by his/her actions; that he/she has a problem.
9. To search for what I may not be giving the other which he/she may need, such as love, acceptance , affection.
10. To free ourselves from the role of the parent or saviour in relationship to the other.
11. To learn to express our needs and rights clearly, lovingly and assertively.
12. To overcome any shame which we feel towards the others because our loved one has this problem. To free ourselves from worrying about how others see us.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I love and accept others and help them while allowing them to retain total responsibility for their reality.
2. I help others more with my happiness, than with my pain.
3. I deserve love, affection and respect exactly as I am.
4. Life gives me exactly what I need every moment for my evolutionary process.

SITUATION NO. 25

I AM NOT HAPPY OR SATISFIED WITH WHAT I AM RECEIVING FROM MY PRESENT RELATIONSHIP (NOT MARRIAGE). I DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO STAY AND LEARN THROUGH NOT GETTING WHAT I WANT; OR TO LEAVE AND BE ALONE AND LEARN THROUGH THAT. I FEEL CONFUSED AND IMPRISONED, BITTER THAT I CANNOT GET WHAT I WANT, FEARFUL OF BEING ALONE, REJECTION TOWARDS THE OTHER AND TOWARDS MY SELF.

LESSONS:
1. To analyse why I want to be with this person and why I do not.
2. To accept the other and to love him as he is.
3. To overcome my fear of being alone.
4. To overcome the belief that it will be difficult to find someone else.
5. To see what it is that I am not offering to him/her which prevents him/her from giving me what I need.
6. To free my self from the fear of a committed relationship.
7. To free myself from the belief that I cannot get what I need from a relationship.
8. To free myself from the belief that i will suffer in a relationship i.e.. lose my freedom, be abused, be abandoned etc.
9. To free myself from childhood experiences or models in which I was programmed negatively towards relationships.
10. To learn to be happy alone.
11. To feel secure and worthy even without a partner.
12. To express my needs more clearly.
13. To discover what I really want out of life, my real goals, and values.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I feel worthy and secure with or without a partner.
2. I love and accept the others exactly as they are.
3. I feel free and secure in a committed relationship.
4. I feel secure and happy on my own.

SITUATION NO. 26

IT IS DIFFICULT FOR ME TO EXPRESS MY ANGER. I FEEL NEGATIVE TOWARDS OTHERS BUT CANNOT EXPRESS HOW I FEEL. I FEEL BLOCKED, ANGRY, UPSET, FRUSTRATED, HURT BY THE OTHERS. I FEEL NEGLECTED, RESENTFUL AND HUMILIATED.

LESSONS:
1. To overcome the fear of a conflict.
2. To overcome the attachment or the fear which makes me angry and learn to love the other as he is.
3. To learn to express my anger in the form of an “I message”.
4. To learn patience, forgiveness, understanding etc.
5. To realise that I have the right to express my needs and feelings and for them to be heard and understood by the others.
6. To believe that the others love me.
7. To be more pleasant and positive to the others.
8. To get free from the belief that I am the victim or that others want to use me or hurt me.
9. To feel comfortable saying “no” and believe that the other will love me anyway.
10. To express my needs more clearly and not expect the other to be a mind reader. To express my needs frequently and not expect the other to understand to first time.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. Life gives me exactly what I need at every moment.
2. I am the sole creator of my reality.
3. I am lovable and have cooperative relationships with all persons.
4. I express my needs and feelings clearly at the moment I have them but with respect for others.

SITUATION NO. 27

MY PARENTS ARE EXPECTING ME TO GET THIS DEGREE AND IT IS SOMETHING WHICH DOES NOT INTEREST ME AT ALL. I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT, BUT THEY WILL NOT UNDERSTAND . I FEEL OBLIGED TO THEM TO GET IT. I FEEL PRESSURED, SUPPRESSED, DEPRESSED, HURT, SELF REJECTION, REJECTION TOWARDS THEM, BITTERNESS, MISUNDERSTOOD, ALONE, AND SOMETIMES ANGRY.

LESSONS:
1. To love others without believing that I am responsible for their happiness of reality.
2. To realise that love does mean that we need to sacrifice our values and interests in life.
3. To overcome the blockage which prevents me from being interested in learning this subject.
4. To clarify my life goals.
5. To get free from the roles of the child (emotionally and materially and financially).
6. To love the others even when they make demands on us.
7. To love ourselves even when we cannot satisfy the other’s expectations of us.
8. To realise what we are doing which make others see us as a child.
9. To learn to make more serious effort at learning and overcome laziness or fear of failure.
10. To express more clearly and lovingly our needs, beliefs, values and goals.
11. To overcome the fear of facing life alone.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I love and accept everyone without feeling the need to fulfil their expectations.
2. I am lovable and acceptable even when I cannot fulfil the other’s expectations.
3. I am an immortal soul with equal rights and powers with all other beings.
4. My life is my own creation and I have the right to make my mistakes and live with them.
5. I am able to study and get this degree which will always be useful at some time.

SITUATION NO. 28

I HAVE A CONTINUAL ANXIETY ABOUT MY CHILDREN. I FEAR THAT SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN TO THEM. THEY MIGHT BECOME ILL, OR DIE, OR FAIL, OR GET CAUGHT UP NARCOTICS USE, OR BE HURT BY OTHERS ESPECIALLY THE OPPOSITE SEX. I FEEL FEAR, ANXIETY, NERVOUS TENSION, HAVE ILLUSIONS OF THEM BEING HARMED, AND CONFLICT WITH THEM IN MY NEED TO PROTECT THEM.

LESSONS:
1. To have more faith in my children, their intelligence and ability to protect themselves and succeed in life.
2. To have more faith in God and the Divine plan for my children. That each is being overwatched by the one universal consciousness and that nothing “accidental” can happen.
3. To see my children as immortal spirits in a process of evolution, temporarily incarnated in these bodies for the process of learning, and that nothing could ever happen to them which is not a part of their learning process.
4. To free my self from the role of parent and to realise that my self-worth does not depend on what happens to my children.
5. To free myself from my anxiety about what other people will say about me if something happens to my children.
6. To find other interests in life so that I do not need them so much and focus on them in an exaggerated way.
7. To free myself from any feelings of guilt which make me feel that I might be punished through my children or that we do not have divine protection.
8. To love them without needing to receive from them or being attached to affirmation through their success.
9. To realise that humans learn through their experiences and that those who do not confront difficulties do not develop inner strength.
10. To realise that I am only harming their own self-confidence by worrying about them.
11. To understand that my negative thoughts pass onto to them whether I express them or not.
12. To realise that worrying and fear can solve no problems.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. My children are immortal souls in the process of evolution. Within them lies all the knowledge and power to protect themselves and continue their evolution.
2. Life gives them in each moment exactly what they need for their inner development.
3. My self worth is not measured by how my children do.
4. My children are God’s children and they are only temporarily given to me for the first years in this world. As they grow older they becomes God’s responsibility not mine.

SITUATION NO. 29

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW (OR ANY OTHER RELATIVE OR FRIEND) BUDS INTO OUR LIVES CONTINUOUSLY. I WANT TO TELL HER/HIM BUT DO NOT WANT HIM/HER OR MY SPOUSE TO BE HURT. I HAVE SUPPRESSED MY NEEDS AND FEELINGS FOR MANY YEARS NOW. I FEEL IMPRISONED, RESENTFUL, FEARFUL OF BEING CONTROLLED, INJUSTICE, ANGER AND EVEN HATE AT TIMES. I ALSO FEEL GUILT ABOUT HAVING THOSE FEELINGS.

LESSONS:
1. To love and accept that person as he/she is and forgive him/her for his/her weaknesses and negativity.
2. To express to the others my needs and feelings more clearly, more lovingly and more assertively.
3. To free myself from feeling guilty when I am not able to satisfy everyone’s needs or opinions.
4. To be able to say “no” without feeling guilty or that there will necessarily be a conflict, or that the other will stop loving us.
5. To believe that the others can hear the truth and discuss any situation maturely like adults.
6. To free myself from childhood experiences in which I was programmed to believe that others would not respect my needs, or would criticise me, or would not be able to communicate peacefully.
7. To cultivate more positive feelings towards these persons.
8. To look for their positive qualities and see them as incarnations of God sent to us t test our ability to love unconditionally.
9. To workout some types of practical agreements in which all feel that some of their needs are being fulfilled. ( The six step no-lose method )

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. Each and every person is an expression of God sent to me to learn to love unconditionally.
2. Love means honest communication on all parts and mutually satisfying solutions.
3. I express my needs and feelings clearly and loving and retain the other’s love in this way.
4. I am lovable and acceptable even when I cannot fulfil other’s expectations.

SITUATION NO. 30

MY HUSBAND (WIFE) IS MISSING FROM THE HOUSE CONTINUALLY. I FEEL ABANDONED, REJECTED, HUMILIATED, RESENTMENT, INJUSTICE AND ANGRY.

LESSONS:
1. To feel happy and fulfilled and worthy even when the other is not there.
2. To communicate my need for him/her to be there more clearly,assertively and lovingly.
3. To love and accept the other as he is with that need.
4. To search (perhaps with the other) for what I might be doing which might be causing him to be missing.
5. To not take this personally and realise that his/her need in not an expression of rejection nor lack of love towards us, but simply a need or interest which he/she has.
6. Not to measure my self-worth by the attention which I receive from the other.
7. Not to nag about this, but to discuss it openly and without accusations.
8. To learn to have more personal interests to fill my own time.
9. Perhaps to join the other in what he or she is doing.
10. To get free from beliefs that I do not deserve something better. Or that this is life and I cannot expect something more satisfying.
11. To get free from childhood experiences in which I may have seen such situations in which one was unable to get what he wanted from the other.
12. To express my needs more frequently and to think of interesting things which we can do together.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. Fulfilment and happiness are within me and do not depend on anyone else.
2. I accept and love myself regardless of the other’s behaviour.
3. I express my needs and feelings clearly and lovingly.
4. Unity is not dependent on how much time we spend together, but how we feel towards each other.

SITUATION NO. 31

I DO NOT FEEL THAT MY FRIENDS WANT TO BE WITH ME. I GET THE MESSAGE THAT THEY DO NOT SEEK ME OUT AS MUCH AS I SEEK THEM. I FEEL REJECTED, ALONE, MISUNDERSTOOD, HURT, DEPRESSION AND SOMETIMES ANGRY.

LESSONS:
1. That my self-worth is not dependent upon whether the others want me or not.
2. To be less dependent on the others, and ask less of them.
3. To realise that often their lack of actively seeking our company may have nothing to do with how much they like us,but as function of their very busy lives.
4. To discover what it is that I do which may push people away. Perhaps I talk too much about myself, or give too much advice, or am always depressed, or seeking to take energy from them, not having any of my own.
5. To learn to be fulfilled and satisfied within myself.
6. To seek out those who also feel lonely and help them.
7. To want to be with others in order to give (not advice) and not to take.
8. To love and accept those who do not show interest in us.
9. To express our needs more clearly to those of whom we have need and do actively listening to see what might be the problem.
10. To develop greater inner strength and have less need for the others.
11. To develop a relationship with God so that we always have company.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. My fulfilment and happiness are within me and not dependent on anyone else.
2. My self-worth is absolute and divine as I am a child of God. No one can increase of diminish my self-worth.
3. I take from God and give to others.
4. I express my needs and accept myself and others when they are unable to fulfil them.

SITUATION NO. 32

MY PARTNER (MARRIED OR NOT) JUST LEFT ME AND MY WORLD HAS COLLAPSED. I FEEL REJECTED, HURT, BETRAYED, DEPRESSED, BELITTLED, SHAMED, FEARFUL, BITTER AND ANGRY AND SOMETIMES EVEN HATE AND REVENGE.

LESSONS:
1. To realise that I can be happy and secure without him/her.
2. To realise that my self-worth is not dependent on whether this person wants to be with me or prefers me to all others.
3. To learn to be happy and fulfilled by myself.
4. To learn to forgive and love and accept the other even if he/she prefers not to be with me at this time, or even if he/she prefers to be with someone else.
5. To examine within myself to see what I may have done which might have made the other unhappy or unfulfilled with me.
6. To free myself from the belief that I will be abandoned or my fear of abandonment or my attachment to the other , or to having an partner.
7. To free myself from beliefs which say that I do not deserve to have a happy relationship.
8. To free myself from negative childhood experiences which may have created a negative image of relationships in my subconscious.
9. To learn to give and take with a wider circle of persons and not limit my love to only one person.
10. To be more positive and less demanding and less attached in my relationships.
11. To give more of myself to the other.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. My security and happiness are within me and do not depend on any other.
2. I deserve and can have a happy relationship if that is useful for my evolution.
3. I am giving and receiving love with an ever wider circle of people.
4. Life gives me exactly what I need at each moment for my evolution.
5. My self-worth is absolute and not dependent on others in anyway.

SITUATION NO. 33

MY TEACHER (SPIRITUAL OR OTHERWISE) REJECTS ME (OR DOES NOT GIVE ME AS MUCH ATTENTION AS HE GIVES TO THE OTHERS). I FEEL REJECTED, UNWORTHY, HUMILIATED, BELITTLED, RESENTFUL, HURT AND ANGRY.

LESSONS:
1. That my self-worth is not dependent on this teacher’s opinion or behaviour.
2. That my spiritual growth and God’s love for me have nothing to do with this or any other teacher’s or priest’s opinion of me. I am God’s child.
3. That perhaps the teacher is not rejecting me, but wants to help me learn some lesson.
4. To be more sure of myself, of my abilities and self-worth and not to put others in the role of my parents to tell me whether I am worthy or not.
5. To try to understand what it is that we are doing which is causing his/her attitude towards us.
6. To free ourselves from previous experiences in which we have felt rejection or ignored by teachers or parents or other authority figures.
7. To love and accept him/her exactly as he/she is.
8. To realise that he/she are human and that we are all souls in the process of evolution.
9. To overcome any fear of approaching him/her and express our feelings and needs.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I am God’s child and am always lovable and acceptable.
2. All soul’s are equally in the process of evolution.
3. I love and accept myself in all situations.
4. I am equal with all beings regardless of the roles we all play.
SITUATION NO. 34

I DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH OTHER PEOPLE. I AM AFRAID OF REJECTION. I FEEL ENDANGERED, FEARFUL, INFERIOR, WEAK, HELPLESS, AND UNABLE TO EXPRESS MY SELF.

LESSONS:
1. That my self-worth does not depend on what others think about me or say about me or how they behave towards me.
2. that I am not in danger from the others. That they will not harm me.
3. To free myself from past experiences in which I felt harmed, abused, rejected, criticised or done injustice to by others.
4. To develop a more positive opinion of myself and my abilities and my self-worth.
5. That I am a God’s child, an immortal soul in the process of evolution and have the same power and the same value of any other being.
6. To express myself more dynamically ( perhaps at first through some creative activity such as dance, song, music , etc.)
7. To develop more love and closeness to others .
8. To see the others as manifestations of the one God.
9. To have faith in the Divine Plan that nothing will ever happen to me which is not within that plan which has my best spiritual interests always in mind.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I am an immortal divine being and the power and love of God are within me.
2. I live in the constant presence of God and feel secure in all situations.
3. I am lovable to all persons.
4. Life gives me exactly what I need in every moment.

SITUATION NO. 35

MY PARTNER WANTS TO HAVE MORE FREQUENT SEXUAL CONTACT AND I DO NOT FEEL THE SAME. I FEEL PRESSURED, ENDANGERED, FEAR OF CLOSE CONTACT AND ALSO PAIN AND GUILT THAT HE/SHE IS SUFFERING BECAUSE OF ME IN THIS WAY.

LESSONS:
1. To search for and understand why I do not feel like having more contact with him/her. Perhaps I am feeling isolated, or hurt or alienated.
2. To free myself from the belief that sex is dirty or evil.
3. To give more affection and loving affirmation to the other so that he/she does not believe that I do not love him/her.
4. To discriminate between affection and hugging and caressing and sex. The others can exist without sex.
5. To express my needs and beliefs to the other more clearly, lovingly and assertively without feeling responsible for his/her reality.
6. To be able to continue to love the other even when he/she is angry with us or blaming us.
7. To see if there is something which I am doing which is making the other feel rejected and in need of affirmation of how we feel.
8. To overcome any negativity which I am feeling towards the other.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I express my feelings clearly and lovingly and retain a feeling of unity with the other regardless of his reactions.
2. I am open to loving union with my spouse on all levels, spiritual, emotional, mental and physical.
3. When used properly sex is a divine act, as are all other acts given to man.
4. This partner is my perfect spiritual teacher given to me by God for my evolution.

SITUATION NO. 36

I NEED MORE SEXUAL CONTACT AND AFFECTION FROM MY SPOUSE, BUT SHE/HE DOES NOT FEEL THE SAME. I FEEL REJECTED, CHEATED, INJUSTICE, BITTER, DEPRIVED, ANGRY.

LESSONS:
1. To become less focused on the sexual level for pleasure, relaxation or affirmation of my self as a man/woman.
2. To feel?the other’s love and caring for me without its verification through the sexual act.
3. To discuss and discover if the other may not be having some negative feelings towards me because of something I have or have not done.
4. To love and feel close to the other even if he/she cannot give me what I need.
5. To express my needs with an I- message helping the other to understand how I feel.
6. Not to push the other and let him/her overcome this in his/her own way and timing.
7. To become more spiritually oriented and direct my energies in other directions, especially into creativity and spiritual exercises.
8. To love an accept myself more and realise that my self-worth is not dependent on whether the other wants me sexually or not.
9. To free myself from this attachment.
10. To realise that love and affection and hugging can be expressed without sex, and that when I approach the other sexually this creates fear and thus a blockage also towards affection or close physical contact in general.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I love and accept myself regardless of the others’ behavior.
2. I am an eternal soul, neither male nor female.
3. My happiness and satisfaction are within me and not in anyone else.
4. Life gives me ( or not) exactly what I need for the next step in my evolution.
5. I express my needs clearly and lovingly and continue to love the other even when he/she cannot respond.

SITUATION NO. 37

I FEAR ‘THAT’ (PLANES, BOATS, ELEVATORS, FIRES, HOSPITALS, LARGE CROWDS, BEING ALONE ETC.) I FEEL FEAR, PANIC, DANGER AND BECOME ‘PARALYSED’ UNABLE TO APPROACH IT OR FUNCTION NORMALLY.

LESSONS:
1. To learn that I am not in danger from any of these.
2. To approach them slowly and gradually so as to realise that I am not in danger.
3. To accept myself even with that fear.
4. To get in touch with childhood experiences which may have created those fears.
5. To have greater faith in God and the divine plan.
6. To realise that I am an invulnerable immortal spirit which can never be harmed.
7. To develop a more positive image of myself.
KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I am an immortal spirit in God’s total protection.
2. Life is totally an expression of God’s thought. Nothing can ever happen to me which is not allowed by God.
3. I feel safe and secure in every situation.
4. Fear exists only when I allow my mind to live in illusion.

SITUATION NO. 38

MY CHILD IS NOW GROWN UP (BETWEEN 21 AND 40) BUT STILL LIVES WITH US (OR DEPENDS ON US) AND DOES NOT DO HIS SHARE. WE STILL SUPPORT HIM FINANCIALLY. I FEEL DANGER FOR HIS FUTURE, FEAR, WORRY, FAILURE AS A PARENT, SHAME IN THE EYES OF THE OTHERS AND SOMETIMES ANGER.

LESSONS:
1. That my child is an immortal soul in the process of evolution and is capable of surviving by himself.
2. To accept and love him as he is with these weakness.
3. To be more firm with him and not help out financially any more since he is able to take care of himself.
4. To become his friend and help him understand what is blocking him.
5. To give more affirmation of his abilities, which means to stop worrying about him. (something which he receives whether I express it with words or not).
6. To free myself from fears about what others will think about me if my child does not succeed.
7. To free myself from the fear of what will happen if I stop helping my child (what others will think, whether he will make it not, whether he will stop loving me.)
8. To realise that my child houses God’s divine power, and is actually God’s child not mine, and to leave his protection to God.
9. To ask the child to help me to discover what is the best thing for me to do at this point.
10. To overcome my own fears about survival and safety.
11. To overcome my own need for affirmation from society as measured by our relative success.
12. To let my child know that my love for him/her is unconditional and has nothing to do with whether he /she succeeds of not.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. My child is God’s child and has all the powers of the universe behind him for his survival and success.
2. I place my child in God’s all powerful hands.
3. Life is giving to myself and my child exactly what we need at every moment for our next steps in our growth process.
4. I have faith in the divine plan and what it brings moment by moment.

SITUATION NO. 39

I DO NOT LIKE MY WORK ANYMORE, BUT I AM AFRAID TO LEAVE IT BECAUSE I WORRY ABOUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN FINANCIALLY OR WHAT OTHERS WILL THINK ABOUT WHAT I HAVE DONE. I FEEL CONFUSION, CONFLICT, IMPRISONED, CONFINED, BORED, DEPRESSED AND UNHAPPY.

LESSONS:
1. To overcome the fear of financial insecurity.
2. To clarify my life values and goals.
3. To learn to love my job as it is.
4. To overcome my fear of what others may think.
5. To express myself more clearly at work so that the environment suits me better.
6. To search inwardly more deeply to discover what it is exactly which makes my work unpleasant for me.
7. To develop greater faith in God’s promise that if I do His work, that all my needs will be cared for.
8. To free myself from various attachments to comforts which create more need for money.
9. To learn to love and accept those persons in my work environment more unconditionally.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. Life gives me and will give at every moment exactly what I need to survive and grow spiritually.
2. I feel happy and at ease in all environments; including my work.
3. I have faith in God’s promise that all will be provided if I do his work.
4. I live my life according to my truest values and all will be give unto me.
5. I love and accept all persons exactly as they are.

SITUATION NO. 40

I FEAR CONFLICT WITH MY SPOUSE (PARENT, CHILD, SIBLING, FRIEND ETC.) AND THUS DO NOT EXPRESS MYSELF OPENLY AND HONESTLY. I FEEL IMPRISONED, ABUSED, HURT, VICTIMISED, BITTER, HUMILIATED, REJECTED, UNLOVED, AND ANGRY.

LESSONS:
1. To not fear the other. to not give him/her so much power to criticise me or suppress me.
2. To cultivate feelings of greater self-confidence and self-worth and to feel equal with others.
3. To love and accept the other as he is without fearing him.
4. To remember that I am God’s child and have the same value, rights and power which the other has.
5. To love and accept myself even when others criticise me or shout at me, and to realise that they have some problem.
6. To express myself more clearly, lovingly and assertively without fear of what kind of reaction I might receive.
7. To remember that the other is unhappy and creates his own reality when he/she is upset with me.
8. To free myself from past experiences in which I might have been programmed to believe that I would receive this kind of reaction.
9. To remember that each person creates his own reality.
10. To check and see if I might not have similar reactions at times towards the others.
11. To check if I perhaps have antagonistic feelings towards the other. Perhaps I am competing for who is right, or who has the best ideas, or who is most capable. And if so, to stop competing.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I express myself clearly, lovingly and assertively in all cases regardless of the others’ reactions.
2. I accept an love the others exactly as they are.
3. I am God’s child and thus have equal rights and power with all beings.
4. I accept and love myself in all situations regardless of others’ reactions.

SITUATION NO. 41

MY LOVED ONE (SPOUSE, CHILD, PARENT) HAS LEFT HIS PHYSICAL BODY (WHAT WE CALL DEATH) AND I FEEL LOST, DEEP INNER PAIN, A SENSE OF MEANINGLESSNESS, AND DEEP EMPTINESS, DEPRESSION, INJUSTICE, GUILT, LONELINESS, BITTERNESS, AND EVEN ANGER TOWARDS GOD FOR ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN.

LESSONS:
1. To find the inner strength to continue without the other.
2. To free myself from any guilt that I did not do what I could have to keep him/her alive or to show him/her my love.
3. To realise that I can be happy again with out him/her and that life does have meaning without him/her.
4. That there are millions of other souls with which I can exchange love and service.
5. To study the spiritual truths about the purpose of life and about what happens after death and about our true immortal spiritual nature.
6. To turn our attention to those who are still near us and love and serve them.
7. To free ourselves from feelings of insecurity and feel our inner strength and ability.
8. To develop a deeper relationship with God.
9. To be able to accept what has happened as a perfect part of a divine plan which always functions in our best spiritual interest.
10. To forgive anyone who might be apparently “to blame” for the death of our loved ones body. (the only real cause for any death is divine will)
11. To search for a new and deeper meaning in life.
12. To forgive myself for not having given to my loved one that which I wanted to give.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. We are all immortal souls temporarily occupying these bodies for the perfect length of time which we require to learn our lessons and the we leave.
2. All is happening according to a perfect divine plan.
3. I am an immortal divine soul with all the power and intelligence necessary to live my life fully and meaningfully.
4. My security and happiness are within me and do not depend on anyone else.

SITUATION NO. 42

MY LOVED ONE IS VERY ILL AND MIGHT EVEN LEAVE HIS/HER PHYSICAL BODY SOON. I FEEL VERY AFRAID, ANXIOUS, HELPLESS, BITTER, SOMETIMES GUILTY AND EVEN ANGRY.

LESSONS:
1. To see my loved one as a soul in evolution temporarily living in physical body.
2. To have faith in a divine plan and do whatever I can to help him/her to get well but to have total faith that whatever is best for all will happen.
3. To think as positively as possible, and keep a smiling positive vibration, while employing all possible techniques for the healing of his body.
4. To overcome my fear of death of my body and the death of my loved one’s body.
5. To do whatever I can and leave the results up to God having faith that the best for everyone’s evolution will happen.
6. To deepen my spiritual life and contact with God.
7. To communicate deeply with my loved one so that we can work through any hidden differences or bitterness and develop total unity.
8. To love the other unconditionally regardless of his behavior which can sometimes become negative when he suffers.
9. To love and accept any doctors or hospital personnel as manifestations of the divine which are given to me to accept and love as they are.
10. To be able to talk to someone about how I feel and not hold all this in me.
12. To be able to talk with my loved one about how he feels, especially about the possibility of dying (if he/she wants to).
13. To take care of of my body and mind with a discipline of correct diet, exercises, breathing, relaxation and vitamins so that I can keep a good quality of energy during this testing time.
14. To be able to lovingly sacrifice my needs at this time in order to serve the other.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. We are all immortal souls temporarily occupying these bodies for our learning process, each of us will leave at the perfect moment for all.
2.There is a divine plan which is guiding our lives (and death) in a perfect way.
3. I offer all results of my effort to God.
4. Happiness and fulfilment are within me and I will always be okay no matter what happens in my life.

SITUATION NO. 43

I AM AFRAID OF BECOMING ILL (OR ALREADY AM ILL). I FEEL FEAR, ANXIETY, WEAKNESS, HELPLESSNESS, INJUSTICE, BITTERNESS, NERVOUS TENSION, AND SOME TIMES ANGRY AT LIFE OR GOD FOR MY MISFORTUNE.

LESSONS:
1. That I am a divine consciousness living temporarily in a body and that all the healing energy of the universe is at my disposal.
2. To live my life in a healthy way with proper diet, exercises, breathing techniques, deep relaxation, positive thought projection, meditation, prayer etc.
3. To imagine health in all parts of my being every day.
4. To learn to accept help from others.
5. To learn to do less and allow others to do more.
6. To overcome certain fears which weaken my health.
7. To free myself from various addictions (sugar, meat, cigarettes, alcohol) which weaken my health.
8. To free my self from various negative emotions which destroy my health.
9. To forgive and love more so that my vital energy is flowing more freely.
10. To develop an deeper relationship with God.
11. To find a new meaning in life.
12. To remember that I am not the body and that I cannot die.
13. To learn to detach myself from the body so as not to feel the pain of discomfort of the body.
14. To express my feelings more openly so that they do not remain within and destroy my health.
15. To do more things which please me and live a happier life.
16. To engage in more creative activities.
17. To serve others, thus finding more meaning in life.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I am the life energy of the universe, I am health in all parts of my being.
2. I am God’s child and His healing energy is always available to me.
3. I a doing everything I can to be healthy and leave the results up to God.
4. I am not this body, nor this mind. I am spirit.

SITUATION NO. 44

I HAVE TRIED MANY TIMES TO SPEAK TO MY LOVED ONE (SPOUSE, CHILD, PARENT) ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS BUT HE/SHE ALWAYS AVOIDS ME. I FEEL BITTER, REJECTED, ALONE, HELPLESS, HURT, BELITTLED AND ANGRY.

LESSONS:
1. To love and accept the other as he/she is.
2. To try to discover what it is I might be doing which causes the other to not want to communicate ( not feel safe in communicating).
3. To learn to feel unity with the other even without verbal communication.
4. Perhaps I need to talk less or only about essential subjects.
5. To have more self-confidence and not need so much the other’s approval.
6. To be able to let some things pass and develop on their own without feeling the need to plan and control absolutely everything.
7. To accept and love myself even when the other cannot respond.
8. To not take this as a personal rejection but as the other’s problem or need.
9. To be able to express my needs and feelings clearly, lovingly and assertively.
10. To see if I have alienated the other in some way with my behavior.
11. To become more interested in the others needs and not only in my need to talk.
12. To find new ways to create feelings of unity between us.
13. To express my need at opportune times and in a positive way so as not to pressure the other.
14. To leave the other alone for a period of time and let him open up at his own rate.
15. To check to see if I have perhaps an antagonistic relationship with the other.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I love and accept myself regardless of the other’s behavior.
2. I express myself clearly, lovingly and assertively and accept to other’s response.
3. I love and accept the other exactly as he is.
4. I feel unity with others even if we are unable to communicate verbally.

SITUATION NO. 45

I HAVE MADE MANY ATTEMPTS TO EMPLOY A DISCIPLINE (EXERCISES, PROPER DIET, MEDITATION, TO WAKE UP EARLY, BEING ON TIME AT APPOINTMENTS ETC.) AND HAVE FAILED EACH TIME. I FEEL A FAILURE, WEAK, GUILTY, ANGRY AT MY SELF AND AT OTHER TIMES DEPRIVATION OF THAT WHICH I WANT OR A FEELING OF DEPRESSION THAT I AM LIMITED AND CONFINED.

LESSONS:
1. That I am free to do whatever I want to do with my life.
2. That I am not a better person if I am able to employ a discipline, and neither does God love me more.
3. That I am not limited by any discipline but actually freer from my needs, desires and weaknesses. That discipline is a basic path towards real freedom.
4. To approach this discipline as an adult who sees the value that it has for me, because I see as an intelligent thing to do.
5. To get free from the role of the child and parent with myself. The parent says I must do this, the child feels suppressed and reacts. The ‘parent’ rejects the child and so on.
6. To love and accept myself exactly as I am and do this discipline because I want to and not because then I will like myself better.
7. To avoid doing disciplines to please others, to do them because I realise that they are intelligent.
8. To think deeply about why I want to do this.
9. To accept others exactly as they are, whether they are disciplined or not.
10. To develop a deeper relationship with God.
11. To free myself from guilt.
12. To realise that when someone reacts, that he is not really free but is limited to the need to react.
13. To free myself from past experiences in which I have felt controlled (or danger of being controlled) by others.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I am God’s child and am lovable exactly as I am.
2. My real freedom is my freedom from my addictions, fears sand weaknesses and reactions.
3. I have all the power within me to do whatever I decide.
4. My self worth is not dependent on what I do or not, but on who I am.

SITUATION NO. 46

I WANT TO WRITE SO AS TO ANALYSE MY SELF AND PROCEED IN MY KNOWLEDGE OF MY SELF BUT I ALWAYS PROCRASTINATE AND FEEL BLOCKED. I FEEL FRUSTRATED, PRESSURED THAT I MUST WRITE, GUILT THAT I CANNOT; ANGRY THAT OTHERS ARE FORCING ME TOO, AND FEAR THAT SOME ELSE MIGHT READ IT.

LESSONS:
1. To realise that I am free to write or not. No one will love me more or less if I write or not.
2. To free myself from any negative experiences with writing at school or at home.
3. To discover why I have decided that I want to learn more about myself.
4. To sit down and wait patiently for some thoughts to come and to write them down.
5. To free myself from the belief that others are forcing me to do something and to clarify whether I want to do it or not.
6. To accept and love myself exactly as I am whether I write or not.
7. To realise that I am the sole creator of my reality and that I do not need to answer to the others about what I do.
8. To learn to push myself at times when my defence mechanisms block me from going within.
9. To analyse and realise the importance of writing.
10. To give it a try and see what happens.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I am acceptable and lovable regardless of whether I write or not.
2. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by writing.
3. My goal is self-knowledge and writing will help me.
4. I am free to act as I like in my own best interests.
5. No one can make me do something unless I want something from them.

SITUATION NO. 47

I HAVE OBSESSIONAL THOUGHTS WHICH COME INTO MY MIND (SEXUAL, FEAR, OF DOING HARM TO OTHERS,ABOUT WHAT OTHERS HAVE DONE TO ME) AND CANNOT CONTROL THEM. I FEEL HELPLESS, FEARFUL, SOMETIMES PANIC, CONTROLLED, CONFUSED AND GUILTY.

LESSONS:
1. To realise that I am not my thoughts and that these are the products of old programmings and beliefs which are produced mechanically in my mind and have nothing to do with me – my true self.
2. To witness them indifferently and not fight them or try to obstruct them.
3. To offer them to God.
4. To bless them with divine light.
5. To do some regressions to see if I can find our from what past experiences they are coming.
6. To have more important things to do; to be occupied with creating, working and serving.
7. To develop greater faith in God.
8. To rid myself of conscious and subconscious guilt.
9. To realise that I am God’s creation and that I can never in any circumstance be unloved by Him.
10. To accept and love myself in all situations, even when I have these thoughts.
11. To forgive others for any mistakes which they have made in the past.
12. To love and accept others as they are.
13. To find a meaning in life which makes me feel fulfilled.
14. To employ various techniques for increasing the vitality of the body and the mind.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I am not my mind and my thoughts. They are temporary waves passing through my eternal and unlimited consciousness.
2. I am God’s beloved child in all cases, no matter what I do.
3. I love and accept myself in all situations.
4. I am the master of my mind and can control what goes on there.
5. I command all thoughts to be still and realise that ‘I am God’.

SITUATION NO. 48
I HAVE TO CHOSE BETWEEN WHAT I BELIEVE IS ETHICAL AND WHAT I BELIEVE IS NECESSARY FOR MY ECONOMIC ( OR SOCIAL OR PROFESSIONAL) SURVIVAL (FOR MYSELF OR FOR MY FAMILY). I FEEL CONFUSED, IN CONFLICT, GUILTY, FEARFUL AND IN DANGER.

LESSONS:
1. To realise that I am always safe in all situations, especially if I act according to the ethical codes established for our harmony with the universe.
2. To have the courage to do what is right and leave the results up to God.
3. To accept and love myself whatever I do.
4. To free myself from childhood conditioning which makes me feel insecure.
5. To free myself from the need for acceptance from the others.
6. To search inwardly and discover my own true values.
7. To be true to my self and not to what others expect of me.
8. To develop a deeper relationship with God.
9. To realise that I am loved by God, no matter what I do.
10. To realise that I am a cell in the body of society and that my every action affects the quality of that society.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I am acceptable and lovable whatever I do.
2. I am secure and safe whatever I do.
3. I am protected by the truth when live by it.
4. I act according to my inner conscience and leave the results to God.
5. My security is a divine matter not a matter of what I do with my will.
6. I am an immortal soul, which can never suffer harm.

SITUATION NO. 49

I AM A PERFECTIONIST AND THIS COSTS ME MUCH ENERGY, TIME AND CREATES MUCH ANXIETY AND CONFLICT WITH OTHERS. I FEEL ANXIETY, FEAR AND DANGER CONCERNING THE RESULTS OF MY EFFORTS AND CONFLICT WITH OTHERS AS THEY MAY PERHAPS SPOIL THE ‘RESULTS’, AND AS WELL, FEAR CONCERNING WHAT OTHERS WILL THINK ABOUT ME.

LESSONS:
1. That my worth as a person is not dependent upon the results of my efforts or what others think about me.
2. That I am not more lovable in God’s eyes because I have done more , or done it more perfectly.
3. To accept myself exactly as I am.
4. To accept and love others exactly as they are.
5. To realise that the results of any effort are produced by many factors, one of which is my effort.
6. To offer all the results up to God.
7. To discontinue measuring my self in relationship to the others.
8. To make time for relaxation and reflection in my life.
9. To free myself from past experiences which may have programed these feelings in me.
10. To see myself and all others as immortal souls in the process of evolution who are learning through every experience.

KEYS TO FREEDOM:
1. I accept and love myself exactly as I am in every moment regardless of the results of my efforts.
2. My self worth is absolute and does not change because of what I do or what others think.
3. I offer all results of all efforts to God.
4. I love and accept others exactly as they are.

Creating a Positive Life Outlook (part 2 of 5): Accepting Ourselves and Others

Creating a Positive Life Outlook (part 2 of 5): Accepting Ourselves and Others

Love is the ultimate healing energy.

We lack giving and receiving love.

Our feelings of isolation and loneliness breed mistrust, misunderstandings, competition, antagonism and the whole series of health destroying emotions such as fear, anger, hatred, jealousy, bitterness, resentment etc. These negative emotions build up a personality complex of their own, and grow out of the control destroying our health and relationships.
Continue reading “Creating a Positive Life Outlook (part 2 of 5): Accepting Ourselves and Others”

Creating a Positive Life Outlook (part 3 of 5): Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement

Creating a Positive Life Outlook (part 3 of 5): Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement

Some fear that if we accept ourselves as we are, that we will have no motive to improve ourselves.

There is a small possibility that self-acceptance might cause a few people to loose interest in self-improvement. In most cases, however, it opens the door towards natural change and self-betterment.
Continue reading “Creating a Positive Life Outlook (part 3 of 5): Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement”

Self-Acceptance, Growth and Learning

Self-Acceptance, Growth and Learning

Many people believe that they must be dissatisfied with themselves, or that they must reject themselves, or feel guilt or shame in order to have a motive for self-improvement or growth. They wonder, “If I accept and love myself as I am, what motive will I have for continuing to change, grow or improve?”
Continue reading “Self-Acceptance, Growth and Learning”

Positive Thought Forms – Beliefs Concerning Self-Worth

Positive Thought Forms – Beliefs Concerning Self-Worth

We have been programmed by childhood experiences to doubt our self-worth and identify it with superficial aspects of our being.

The following affirmations will be useful for reestablishing contact with our true -and-always-worthy-of-love-and-respect divine nature.
Continue reading “Positive Thought Forms – Beliefs Concerning Self-Worth”