The one greatest source of tension in relationships is our need-conflicts. When the other does not behave in a way, which allows our needs to be fulfilled, we develop negative feelings toward that person.

We perceive him or her as the cause of our unhappiness. We are controlled by our needs and our relationships suffer when we feel that they are not being fulfilled.
Continue reading “Relationships and need conflicts: why your needs do not get met”

One of our most devastating emotional experiences is the loss of a loved one.

I am addressing the loss of loved one to death and through “romantic rejection” as two separate situations. We will deal with the loss of a loved one to death in another article.
Continue reading “Dealing with Romantic Rejection”

Anna enjoys sharing her feelings with her husband Paul. She also needs to know what he is feeling and thinking in return. When she is unable to communicate with him, she feels neglected and unloved.

Although Paul does love Anna, he does not enjoy communicating as much as she does and feels very uncomfortable sharing his feelings, mostly because he is not very familiar with them. Also, when he is aware of his feelings, he is ashamed to share them because he fears this will lessen his “manhood”.
Continue reading “She is an Interrogator and he is Aloof (Life Story no. 1)”

Here we supply you with a short list of roles or personas and their core beliefs. We have grouped the personas under various names. Perhaps, in some cases, only one or two of the names might be applicable.
Continue reading “Roles we play and what we believe which makes us play them”

John and Barbara have three children in junior and senior high school. Their house is the site of frequent battles concerning how much the children should study and what grades are acceptable.
Continue reading “Anxiety About Grades (Life Story no. 2)”

WHAT HAPPENED?

We were so suited for each other, so in love, so happy together. We had so many dreams. Our first moments together were full of joy, happiness and the excitement of being close to someone who loved us and understood us. We were so sure that we would live “happily ever after”. We never thought that we would arrive to this state of lack of communication, misunderstanding, distancing, indifference and even competition, aggressiveness and verbal violence. What happened? How did this happen? What can we do so as to be loving again as we were?
Continue reading “Basic Relationship Problems”

You may see someone you know in Anthony – perhaps even yourself.

Anthony plays the role of “the savior.” He feels responsible for just about everyoneΥs reality. He believes he must rescue them and keep them well and happy. . He feels he has failed in his “role”, and cannot rest, as long as someone he feels responsible for is not well and happy. Others easily use or control him by making him feel responsible for the fact that they are not well or happy.
Continue reading “The Roles of Parent, Savior, Teacher and Super-responsible (Life Story no. 17)”