THE DAUGHTER ARRIVES HOME LATE

Although their daughter agreed to be home by 12 midnight, she arrives at 1.30 in the morning. The parents are extremely worried that something may have happened to her and are quite relieved when she finally gets home.

What kind of message might they give to the child? They might express their anger at her disobedience and reject her for being inconsiderate and irresponsible. They might threaten her and punish her with the hope that she will obey out of fear in the future.
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A NOTE FROM THE TEACHER

A twelve-year-old is sent home by a teacher with a note stating that he was speaking loudly, using “filthy” language. What might be the parents’ reaction?

One might be, “Come here and explain to me why you want to embarrass your parents with your filthy mouth”. Another would be to simply punish the child with no discussion. Another might be to degrade the child’s image of himself by criticizing him for his various mistakes and faults in general.
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A CHILD WANTS TO GO TO THE MOVIES

A child keeps pleading to be taken to a movie, but has not cleaned up his room for several days, a job, which he agreed to do.

What might be an average type of communication? An average parent may call the child lazy, irresponsible and inconsiderate.
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ACTIVE LISTENING

Now the child himself obviously has a problem which is not allowing him or her to use his or her mental abilities to their full potential. The problem could have to do with conflicts within the family, conflicts with other children or with teachers at school, disappointments in love, lack of self-confidence, lack of proper nutrition, a disillusionment with society and the school system, as well as many other possibilities.
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“I – MESSAGES”

We learned in previous chapters that in the I-message we explain to the child what we are really feeling and the thoughts, beliefs, expectations, fears and attachments that create those feelings within us. We communicate:
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HOW WE COMMUNICATE NOW

Let us briefly mention how most people communicate now. There are two basic categories; those who suppress themselves and do not communicate; and those who suppress the others by raising their voices, blaming and criticizing the others, ordering them around in various ways.
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Today we are experiencing an ever-growing communication gap between parents, teachers and the children whom they are responsible for. Only through honest and sincere communication can we help our children to become honest, healthy and happy individuals. Some of the basic concepts of communication expressed in earlier chapters are repeated here with emphasis on communication with children.
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SOME LAST THOUGHTS

We can remember how we felt when we were children. We can spend time remembering our various experiences feelings and needs which we had when we were children. But even that is not enough. The conditions and environment of our childhood years were very different than those, which our children experience today. Thus we must imagine that we are our children and try to understand how they feel. Then our words and actions will be in harmony with their needs.
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OPEN COMMUNICATION

Communication is the process, which opens up a channel of love, understanding and union between people. When it is lacking, no amount of money, education or material goods can bridge the gap that is created.
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WHAT CAN PARENTS DO?

What can parents do about this situation? How can we provide a home environment that will stimulate the process of holistic learning for our children?
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