“I – MESSAGES”

We learned in previous chapters that in the I-message we explain to the child what we are really feeling and the thoughts, beliefs, expectations, fears and attachments that create those feelings within us. We communicate:
Continue reading “More Effective Communication with our Children no.3”

ACTIVE LISTENING

Now the child himself obviously has a problem which is not allowing him or her to use his or her mental abilities to their full potential. The problem could have to do with conflicts within the family, conflicts with other children or with teachers at school, disappointments in love, lack of self-confidence, lack of proper nutrition, a disillusionment with society and the school system, as well as many other possibilities.
Continue reading “More Effective Communication with our Children no.4”

A CHILD WANTS TO GO TO THE MOVIES

A child keeps pleading to be taken to a movie, but has not cleaned up his room for several days, a job, which he agreed to do.

What might be an average type of communication? An average parent may call the child lazy, irresponsible and inconsiderate.
Continue reading “More Effective Communication with our Children no.5”

A NOTE FROM THE TEACHER

A twelve-year-old is sent home by a teacher with a note stating that he was speaking loudly, using “filthy” language. What might be the parents’ reaction?

One might be, “Come here and explain to me why you want to embarrass your parents with your filthy mouth”. Another would be to simply punish the child with no discussion. Another might be to degrade the child’s image of himself by criticizing him for his various mistakes and faults in general.
Continue reading “More Effective Communication with our Children no.6”

THE DAUGHTER ARRIVES HOME LATE

Although their daughter agreed to be home by 12 midnight, she arrives at 1.30 in the morning. The parents are extremely worried that something may have happened to her and are quite relieved when she finally gets home.

What kind of message might they give to the child? They might express their anger at her disobedience and reject her for being inconsiderate and irresponsible. They might threaten her and punish her with the hope that she will obey out of fear in the future.
Continue reading “More Effective Communication with our Children no.7”