Many negative emotions are the result of confusion concerning “who is responsible for whose reality.” If we believe that others are responsible for our reality and how we feel, and they do not “create” our reality as we would like it to be or do not give us what we want, we feel hurt, bitter, disillusioned, powerless, fearful, resentful, angry, and even hateful.

When we believe that we are responsible for their reality, and we are not able to make them happy, healthy, successful or satisfied, we feel failure, self-rejection, shame, and guilt. We might even feel anger toward them when they do not cooperate with us to create the reality we believe they must have in order to feel that we are successful and thus worthy as parents, teachers, saviors, healers, etc.

Both beliefs create codependence, resulting in conflicts which prevent both parties from maturing emotionally.
Continue reading “Codependency or Cocommitment part 1: Confusion about Responsibility in Relationships”

Occasionally we are confronted by persons who play the role of the interrogator. Basic to dealing with “interrogators” is to understand why they function in this way and how we are affected by their attitude. It is also entirely possible that, at times, we too play this role.
Continue reading “Dealing with Interrogators”

We need to understand and communicate our needs. At the same time, it is important to be able to hear, and if possible, respond to the other’s needs.
Continue reading “Understanding Needs”

Wendy is sure that her husband Mark is having an affair. She has no concrete proof but she just knows it in her heart. She is afraid, disappointed and deeply hurt. She also feels rejected, demeaned, betrayed, and quite insecure, not to mention angry.
Continue reading “Fear that He is Having an Affair (Life Story no. 3)”

One of our main obstacles to loving and harmonious relationships is our inability to communicate effectively. I have seen many relationships between love partners, parents and children and siblings where there was mutual love, but many conflicts because of their inability to clearly express their needs, feelings and beliefs.
Continue reading “Overcoming Obstacles to Communication”

The one greatest source of tension in relationships is our need-conflicts. When the other does not behave in a way, which allows our needs to be fulfilled, we develop negative feelings toward that person.

We perceive him or her as the cause of our unhappiness. We are controlled by our needs and our relationships suffer when we feel that they are not being fulfilled.
Continue reading “Relationships and need conflicts: why your needs do not get met”

One of our most devastating emotional experiences is the loss of a loved one.

I am addressing the loss of loved one to death and through “romantic rejection” as two separate situations. We will deal with the loss of a loved one to death in another article.
Continue reading “Dealing with Romantic Rejection”