Self-Esteem

The goal of improved self-esteem or feelings of self-worth requires a methodical and dedicated process.

We must first determine our main obstacles towards accepting and loving ourselves just as we are and towards feeling that we deserve a good, healthy and happy life.

Below you will find some possible obstacles.

In which situations do you lose your sense of self-love, self-worth, self- esteem or self-acceptance?

A. Social programming – illusion

1. When others criticize or reject you. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when others accept and love me.)

2. When others are more able than you at certain tasks or more endowed with certain qualities. (i.e. Intelligence, wealth, home, appearance, artistic ability, speech, sports, cooking, professional success, their children?s success, being attractive to the opposite sex, making friends, disciplines, “spiritual” activities.) (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only I am better than others are concerning ____)
a. How do you feel about self?
b. How do you feel towards them?

3. When you have made a mistake.( Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I do not make mistakes)

4. When you do not have the results you believe you should have after some effort.(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I succeed/ when others recognize my success.)

5. When others attract more attention, esteem and respect in a group situation. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I am more important that others to others)

6. When you do not have someone who loves you exclusively, in ways in which he or she does not love anyone else. (Belief: I am worthy only when I have someone who loves me exclusively)

7. When you are not perfect. (perfect house, perfect appearance, never make mistakes)

8. When you do not get many things done in one day (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I do and accomplish much)

9. When you are not strong or when you show weakness. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I am strong and show no weakness)

10. When others:
a. Do not agree or
b. Are not satisfied with you (parents, spouse). (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when others agree with me and are satisfied with me.)

11. When others ask you for help and you do not say “yes”. Or do not respond. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I say yes and will lose their love if I say no)

12. When others have offered more to you than you have offered to them. (Belief: He who gives is worthier than he who receives)

13. When people do not trust you or confide in you. (Belief: I am worthy and pure only if others trust me)

14. When people lie to you or use you or laugh at you. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only if I am respected and I lose my self-worth when others do not behave properly to me.)

15. When others are able to manipulate you or are not as conscientious as you . (Belief: I lose my self worth when I work more than others or when I work for them, without receiving back what I should.)

16. Because you are born female in a culture which gives more importance to males.

17. Because your parents did not want a child and you felt that you were a burden on them.

Other ____

B. Matter of conscience –

***18. When you have “created” pain for others. (Belief: I am evil if I others have experienced pain through me.)

***19. When you are not in harmony with your conscience. (Belief: I am not a good person and not worthy of love when I do anything which is not in harmony with my conscience.)

*** Other ____

*** Note: These require a different process – Forgiving and loving does not mean that we allow ourselves to do whatever we want, even it is unjust or unethical. We need to recognize our inherent spiritual nature, but at the same time seek to align ourselves with our highest values and ethics
This should be done steadfastly but also with as much love and understanding towards ourselves as possible.

Removing the Obstacle

Having determined our impediments towards feeling self-esteem in certain situations, we can then chose the first obstacle we want to work with. Best to work with the one, which is most intense and bothersome.

It is very likely that this work will bring us in touch with childhood traumas or experiences which have programmed us in this way and which will need to be transformed in our minds.

Having chosen the first obstacle we want to work with we can move on towards removing it.

A. Analyzing what we believe which causes us to lose our self-esteem and transform that belief.
B. Discovering our childhood experiences, which have conditioned us to feel that way and transform our childhood interpretation of those experiences. (For this we might find professional help through regressions, rebirthing, EMDR, TFT and EFT.)
C. We can use positive affirmations, which will allow us to accept and love ourselves as we are at this stage of our evolutionary process.
D. We can keep a high level of energy by eating healthily, exercising and / or dancing regularly, as well as by regular breathing exercises.
E. A realization of our inherent spiritual nature can help us accept ourselves as we are at this stage of our evolutionary process.
F. Just as we accept some others with their weakness, we need to understand and accept ourselves in the same way
G. We can correct the disturbed energy field, which is creating these feelings. This is possible through new methods of “Energy Psychology” based on Dr. Callahan?s Thought Field Therapy. (A simplified version can be found at http://www.emofree.com) (Once you learn how to perform the technique you can learn to employ it towards various goals at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com

Some helpful Affirmations might be the following. You will notice that the affirmations first seek to allow us to understand, accept and love ourselves exactly as we are with our negative emotions and then declare our choice to be free from them. We might need to work with various aspects in order to get totally free.

In the case of false social programming or false conclusions from childhood or traumatic experiences, we can use these affirmations.

A. Even though I feel (the emotion) ____ (perhaps guilt, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt, unworthy, belittled, demeaned) when./ because ____ (reason), I deeply and profoundly love myself.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this (emotion) ____.

Matters of Conscience

In the case of matters of conscience we will first want to employ the upper affirmations in order to accept and love ourselves as souls in an evolutionary process exactly as we are, even with our mistakes and egoism.

Then, however, we will want also to discover the emotions, needs and beliefs which have caused us to behave in ways which we would prefer not to and would not like other to do to us.

Once we discover which fears or pain are causing us to act in these ways, then we can employ the same above mention methods to get free from them.

A. Even though I feel (the emotion) ____ (perhaps fear, anger, guilt, pain, injustice, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt, unworthy, belittled, demeaned) when./ because ____ (reason), I deeply and profoundly love myself.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this (emotion) ____.

One By One

In this way we can remove all obstacles towards self-esteem one by one as we begin to gradually notice that we are not as vulnerable as before. We accept ourselves more. We do not feel hurt and do not misinterpret others so easily. We speak more honestly expressing our needs and feelings. We love more easily and steadily. We are more comfortable with ourselves and others.

Below you will find some useful affirmations concerning self-worth

POSITIVE THOUGHT FORMS –
BELIEFS CONCERNING SELF WORTH

We have been programmed by childhood experiences to doubt our self-worth and identify it with superficial aspects of our being. The following affirmations will be useful for reestablishing contact with our true ?and-always-worthy-of-love-and-respect divine nature.

1. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of others? opinions or behavior.

2. My self worth is totally independent of how I compare to others.

3. My self worth is totally independent of any external factors such as: intelligence, wealth, appearance, talents, professional success, my children?s success, my home, being attractive to the opposite sex, making friends, disciplines, “spiritual” activities.

4. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of the results of my efforts.

5. I am worthy and lovable even when others are being given more attention. I am happy for others when they receive love and attention.

6. My self-worth is within me and totally independent of whether I am loved exclusively by someone one or not.

7. I am worthy of love and respect even when I am not perfect in what I do and even when I make mistakes.

8. My self-worth is totally independent of how much I accomplish.

9. I am worthy of love and respect even when I feel weak or needy.

10. My self-worth is totally independent of whether others agree with me or are satisfied with me.

11. I deserve love and respect even when I need to say “no” and do not respond to what I am asked to do.

12. My self-worth has nothing to do with how much I give or receive.

13. My self-worth is totally independent as to whether some people trust me or open up to me on not.

14. My self-worth is totally independent of how people behave towards me.

15. My self-worth is totally independent of how much others work or how they work or what they believe about me.

16. My self-worth is a reflection of my divine nature and not my gender, religion, social class etc.

17. My self-worth is totally independent of whether others recognize it or how they feel towards me.

18. I accept and love myself as I am with my faults and weaknesses as I steadily and methodically evolve out of them.

19. I deserve to be loved and respected exactly as I am at this stage of my evolutionary process.

20. I am beautiful exactly as I am – just as all aspects of nature.

21. I am a good person, a worthy person.

22. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of how others behave towards me.

23. I respect and love all persons (especially my parents and family) without feeling any need whatsoever to live my life according to their beliefs or values. I live my life in harmony with my inner values and beliefs.

24. My self worth is based on my inner being, my existence itself, and my inner divine nature and on no other external factors.

25. My self-worth is a simple function of the fact that I, as all others creatures, am a unique aspect of divine creation. My self-worth cannot be increased nor decreased. I can never be more or less worthy of love and respect than another.

26. Although I am not perfect and have various faults, I deserve to be loved and respected as I am, just I as I love and respect others with their faults.

27. When I do not love myself, I am not loving an aspect of divine creation.

28. I often accept in others traits, which I reject in my self. Why?

29. I am in a process of evolution and am attending to that process.

30. I am an expression of Divine Consciousness in matter.

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