Questionnaire: Understanding Jealousy and Envy

This is a part of a series of articles with questions, which will help us understand our emotions and how we can free ourselves from unwanted ones.

The beliefs behind these jealousy and envy are:

1. I would be happier and more secure and worthy if I had what the other has. (This could mean the other’s spouse, house, appearance, abilities, knowledge, power etc.)

2. Life is not giving me exactly what I need in order to grow and be happy.

In the case of relationship jealousy we might believe the following:

3. I am safe only if I have someone who loves only me. Only then can I be sure that he of she will always be with me when I need him or her. I am not safe alone.

4. I am worthy (as a person, as a man, as a woman) only if there is at least one person whom loves only me and no one else. If he loves anyone else, the way he loves me, then I lose my self worth.

Herein lies the difference between human and divine love. Human love demands exclusivity, whereas divine love demands that we love all beings, as we love ourselves, because the divine itself is in all beings. (We are not talking about the sexual level here.)

Thus the problem of envy and jealousy will be solved when we free ourselves from the doubts about our safety and self-worth. Some questions which will help.

1. “What is it that the other has, which you would like to have, or believe you must have, in order be happy?”

2. “Why do you need that? What do you gain if you have it and what do you loose if you do not?”

3. “What do you believe about yourself which makes you want to have what the other has, or be like the other?” What will happen if that does not happen?”

4. “Which beliefs do you need to change in order to be happy just as you are, or with any outcome, regardless of what the other has or is?”

5. “Which beliefs do you need to change in order to more effectively manifest in yourself, or for yourself, what you envy or are feeling jealous about?”

(We must not ignore the possibility that we envy something because the time has come in our evolutionary process to seek that. The emotion may not be pure, but it may instigate beneficial energies if they are directed towards self-improvement.)

6. Is there anything you would like to communicate with the others concerning what you are feeling?” What would you like to communicate.

Now you may like to describe how you would like to think, feel and respond in future situations. You may find it more powerful to write your description in the present tense as if it is already a reality.

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