We will not go into a detailed philosophical and psychological analysis concerning the inner child, but will simply remind you that our emotional life is largely dictated by the feelings, beliefs and needs generated by our childhood experiences. Our inner child is that part of our subconscious which still feels, thinks and behaves in the ways we learned as children. We have become split personalities who function with two minds. One is logical and the other still sees things as we did as children. It is likely that our inner child still feels vulnerable, lonely, fearful, angry or hurt, while we are consciously not aware of these emotions. Yet, even if we are not aware of these emotions, they are very visible in our lives, through our reactions, lack of sensitivity, lack of caring love and interest in others. They are also very evident in our tensions and psychosomatic illnesses. Regardless of which other techniques we employ in relationship to the inner child, it is essential that we communicate with it daily. We remind you of the technique (fig. 47) also described in the previous chapter.
DAILY COMMUNICATION WITH THE CHILD WITHIN
1. Sit or lie down with the spine straight.
2. Relax the entire body and mind with any relaxation or concentration technique.
3. Now imagine the inner child and communicate with it.
a. Ask it how it feels.
b. Ask if it has some needs it would like to satisfy.
c. Speak of your needs and your program as an adult.
4. Give it the positive reinforcement. Our child needs to hear about love, security and worth.
5. Embrace the child mentally and give it tenderness and love.
a. Feel the child in your arms and then
b. Identify with the small body and feel yourself inside the embrace; accept the love and tenderness offered to you.
c. Become one with the child.
This can be done as a prelude to any meditation, relaxation technique, prayer or positive projection technique, or alone as it is. Once mastered it takes only five minutes.
DISCOVERING OUR PAST
Our first step will be to discover the events which might have programmed our inner child into being overly sensitive to situations or stimuli which we objectively realize are not worth losing our peace over or reacting to. One first step would be to study the following list (fig. 48) of possible childhood experiences. We might find some experiences described exactly as we remember them. Others, may remind us of experiences which are somehow different than the ones described. Some memories or associations may take time to come.Or you may be reminded of something else you may want to note down.
LIST OF CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES
Note: After each experience you will find a list of numbers with the letter “B=” referring to the list of beliefs – subconscious conclusions of the child, which may have been programmed because of these experiences. This list can be found in chapter 24. The numbers here refer to the numbers of the beliefs on that list. Wherever the questions refer to your parents or other persons of your childhood, think not only of the parents, but also of stepmothers, stepfathers, grandparents, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters, cousins, teachers and whatever other people existed in your life as a child and up to the age of 18.
YES—- NO —-1. Was there someone who got angry at you, scolded you, rejected you or accused you? Who and when? B=(1,2,3,4,5,6,7,13,14,15,16,70,142,143).
YES—- NO —- 2. Were there people who fought among themselves or rejected or hurt one another? Who and when? B=(1,2,3,4,5,6,143).
YES —- NO —- 3. Have you ever experienced the feeling of abandonment? Were you ever left alone, or felt that others didn’t understand you, or that there was no support? When? By whom? How? B= (1,4,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,70,142).
YES —- NO —- 4. Did you ever feel the need for more affection, tenderness or expression of love? From whom and when (during which periods)? B= (1,13,14, 15,16,142).
YES —- NO —- 5. Were there persons in your environment who were often ill or who spoke often of illness? Did they ever blame you for their illness or did you ever feel guilty concerning their illness? Who and when? B= (17,18,19,20,21,22).
YES —- NO —- 6. Did you ever experience the feeling of humiliation in the presence of others or in connection with others? In which cases? B= (1,4,5,8,14,23,24,25,70,143).
YES —- NO —- 7. Were you ever compared to others as to whether you were less or more capable or worthy? To whom, in which instances, and in connection with which abilities or character traits? B= (1,23,24,25,26,70,143).
YES —- NO —- 8. Have you ever lost a loved one? Who and when? B= (7,8,9,10,11,12,14,15,17, 18,21,27,28,2,142).
YES —- NO —- 9. Did anyone ever approach you sexually without your consent? B=(1,30,31,32,33 ,34,136,142).
YES —- NO —- 10. Were you ever aware of your parents or anyone else making love? Who and when? How did you feel and what did you think? B= (33,34,35,36,37).
YES —- NO —- 11. Did your parents ever state that you were the only reason they continued staying together and that that had been a big sacrifice on their part? Or, did they ever tell you they have sacrificed a great deal for your sake, and that you are indebted to them? Who? When? About what matters? What exactly do you owe them? B= (1,6,38,39,40,41,41,42,43,141,143).
YES —- NO —- 12. Did they ever accuse you for being the cause for their unhappiness or illness or problems? Who accused you and about what exactly? What did they mean by saying that it was your fault? What does this fact mean to you? According to them what should you have done? B= (38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47, 48,49,50,51,52.53,54,141,143).
YES —- NO —- 13. Did they ever tell you that you are not going to achieve anything in your life, that you are lazy or incapable, or dumb? Who, when and concerning what matters? B= (55,56,57,58,59,60,141,142,143).
YES —- NO —- 14. Were you ever caught playing with your genitals (alone or with others) and did anyone make you feel guilty for that? Who? When? What was their message? B= (61,62,63).
YES —- NO —- 15. Did they often speak about guilt and punishment from some person, parent, police or God? Who? When? About what types of guilt and what type of punishment? B= (1,62,63,64,65,141,142,143).
YES —- NO —- 16. Did any teacher ever make you feel humiliated in front of other children? When? How? Concerning what? B= (66,67,68,69,142,143).
YES —- NO —- 17. In the company of other children, did you ever feel rejection or inferiority? By whom, and inferior by what criteria? B= (23,24,25,26,70,142,143).
YES —- NO —- 18. Were you ever told that you were responsible for your siblings or for others in general, and that whatever happens to them is your responsibility? Who did? About whom? Concerning what matters were you responsible? B= (44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51,52,53, 54,141,143).
YES —- NO —- 19. Were you ever made to understand in some way (negative or positive) that, in order for someone to be acceptable and lovable, one must: B= (141,142,143).
a. Be better than the others?
b. Be first at everything?
c. Be perfect, without faults?
d. Be intelligent and clever?
e. Be handsome / beautiful?
f. Have perfect order and cleanliness at home?
g. Have great success in his/her love life?
h. Be financially and socially successful?
i. Be accepted by everyone — him?
j. Be active in many ways? Achieve many things?
k. Always satisfy the needs of others?
l. Never say “no” to others?
m. Not to express his/her needs?
YES —- NO —- 20. Did they ever make you understand in some way that you are incapable of thinking, making decisions or achieving things by yourself, and that you will always need to listen to advice and depend on others? Who passed on this message to you? About what matters are you supposedly “incapable” of making decisions or handling life properly? B= (91,92,93,94,142,143).
21. Did you ever have role models (parents, older siblings or others) who were, or still are, very dynamic and competent so that you felt: B= (95,96,97,98,141,142,143).
YES —- NO —- a. The need to be like them?
YES —- NO —-b. The need to prove your worth, to reach or even surpass these models?
YES —- NO—-c. Despair, self-rejection, abandonment of effort, perhaps self-destructive (possibly subconscious) tendencies, because you believed you could never measure up to them?
In connection with whom has any of this occurred (a,b or c) and with what criteria of success?
YES —- NO —- 22. Has there ever been in your environment someone with unexpected, unpredictable, nervous or even schizophrenic behavior (possibly alcoholic or drug addict) so that you might not know what to expect from him? Has there been violence (physical or psychological)? By whom, and what was the behavior like? B= (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,11,12,13,14,15,16,99,100, 101,102,103,104,105,106,107,108,135,142), .
YES —- NO —- 23. Have you felt rejection or shame for one of your parents? For whom and why? B= (109,110,111,112,142,143).
YES —- NO —- 24. Did you ever make the discovery that one of your parents has had an extra-marital affair? When and under what circumstances? How did you feel about that?
YES —- NO —- 25. Did they speak to you often about God the punisher or about the “Devil”? Who did, and about what? B= (1,62,63,64,65,113,114,135,141,142,143).
YES —- NO —- 26. Did you ever feel that they told you one thing but did another, that there was no consistency in their words, that they had a double standard, one for themselves and another for the others, or that they were hypocrites, false and not true? Who and when? Concerning what topics? B= (115,116, 117,118,119,120,121).
YES —- NO —- 27. Upon what was your parents’ security based? a) on money?, b) on the others’ opinions? c) on education? d) on personal power? e) on the unity of the family? f) on property? g) on one’s mate? h) other? B= (122,123,124,125,126,127,128,129,142,143).
YES —- NO —- 28. Were you a spoiled child that always had whatever it wanted, and to whom no one ever refused a favor? B= (131,132,142).
YES —- NO —- 29. Did they suppress your freedom of movement and expression? Did they force you to do things you did not want to do? (study, visits, dress). Did they forbid you to do things you wanted to do? What were you forced to do or prevented from doing? B= (135,136,137,138,142,143).
YES —- NO —- 30. (FOR WOMEN ONLY). Did they in some way make you understand that since you are a girl:
a. You are worth less?
b. You are not safe without a man?
c. Sex is dirty (a sin)?
d. In order to be socially acceptable you must get married?
e. You are less competent than men?
f. Your only mission is to serve others?
g. You must not express your needs, your feelings, your opinion?
h. You must submit your self to your husband?
i. You must be attractive to be acceptable?
B= (133 a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o, 141,142.143).
YES —- NO —- 31. (FOR MEN ONLY). Did they in some way make you understand that since you are a boy:
a. You must be strong?
b. You must be superior, more competent, stronger and more intelligent than your wife?
c. Your self worth is measured according to the success of your love life?
d. Your worth is measured according to your professional (financial) success?
e. You must compare yourself with other men?
B= (134 a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l, 141,142,143).
ADDITIONAL AIDS FOR THE SEARCH INTO THE CHILDHOOD YEARS
In addition to this list of childhood experiences we can also search the past:
1. Through the regressions referred to in the previous chapter. We will supply an outline of that procedure in this chapter.
2. Another technique is to write the story of our childhood years. This can be written in the first person, but even better in the third person, as if we are chronicling the life of some other person. This enables us to be more objective and honest in our observations. We will discover patterns of behavior which we tend to repeat over and over through the years. We will find the earlier experiences, which have marked our subconscious mind and programmed us to feel the way we do today, even though we see no logical reason at this time to feel and act in that way.
This life story need not be in chronological order. We can add each day whatever we remember. The first comment made by many people is, ” I don’t remember anything before the age of ten. How will I do this?” This is no problem. As we start to write the subconscious will be aroused and memories will start flowing forth. The more we write, the more the memories will be awakened. Placing old photographs before us as we write will help, as will asking parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts and older brothers and sisters what they can remember. We do not need to accept their interpretation of the past, but their words may trigger other memories. Best results will be obtained if we dedicated at least 20 minutes daily to the process for at least three months. The basic guidelines for writing the story of our childhood years are
a. Add whatever additional memories you remember each day.
b. It doesn’t need to be in chronological order.
c. We can write in the third or first person.
d. Ask others (parents, uncles, aunts, siblings, grandparents) what they remember.
e. Look at old pictures.
3. A QUESTIONNAIRE TO GET ACQUAINTED WITH THE INNER CHILD
Answering these questions will assist our investigation into the negative messages we might have received in our childhood years. Complete the following sentences and try to remember exactly what happened which caused you to come to those assumptions.
a. As a child, I heard that my most significant faults were…..
b. As a child, I felt guilty for ….
c. Messages I received about God: …
d. Messages I received about sex: …
e. Messages I received about money: …
f. I felt rejection when…
g. I felt fear when..
h. I felt shame or inferiority when…
4. A MORE DETAILED QUESTIONNAIRE ABOUT OUR BELIEFS
The following questionnaire (fig. 49) will give us supplemental information concerning the programmings we developed in those early years.
A QUESTIONNAIRE ON OUR BELIEFS
Please answer as honestly as you can, giving enough time to come into contact with the various parts of your personality. Do not be surprised by needs desires, beliefs and feelings which seem to conflict or be contradictory. This is quite common and natural for a person in the process of evolution, who is passing through changes in his values, beliefs and needs.
Give three to five answers to each question
A. The basis of our feelings of security.
1. The three positive human characteristics which I value most are …
2. The three negative human characteristics which I find most unacceptable are…
3. I love and accept my self more when ….
4. I feel guilty when …
5. I have negative feelings when…
6. I feel happy when …
7. I feel insecure when…
8. I feel secure when…
9. I do not believe I can ….
10. If my house were on fire, and i could save only three objects (excluding people), they would be…..
11. My three strongest fears are….
B. How I perceive the others and how I believe they perceive me.
12. How my spouse or love partner sees me (or previous spouse or love partner). Or all spouses and love partners we have had until now.
13. Three of my spouse’s (love partner’s) positive traits are …
14. Three of my spouse’s (love partner’s) negative traits are…
15. How my parents perceive me….
16. My parents always told me that I was not able to …
17. The criticism I heard most often from my parents was…
18. Three of my father’s positive qualities were/are…
19. Three of my fathers negative qualities were/are…
20. Three of my mother΄s positive qualities were/are…
21. Three of my mother΄s negative qualities were/are…
22. How I remember my parents relationship until I was 21 years old.
23. I find it difficult to forgive others for…
Γ. How I see my self.
24. I feel weak and unable when …
25. The criticism I hear most often from those around me is…
26. Three of my positive character traits are…
27. Three of my weakness or faults are …
28. I find it difficult to forgive my self for…
29. I feel unable to …
30. I wish I could …
31. How I imagine God to be.
33. How I feel God in my life.
34. My life purpose is ….
35.Now imagine that you are writing to a very good friend, whom you have not seen since grammar school and you want to describe yourself to him. How would you describe your self?
Having discovered various experiences which in the past were painful for us, or have programmed us in negative ways, we can then go on to analyze each experience separately with the help of the following questionnaire (fig. 50).
Analysis of unpleasant childhood experiences
a. Describe an experience or general situation which was unpleasant, that made you feel fear, sorrow, guilt, rejection, danger, injustice, jealousy or any other unpleasant emotion.
b. What were the exact emotions which you had as a child?
c. What thoughts, or to what conclusions, did you arrive as a child because of this experience or situation?
d. In what way did you react then as a child?
e. What effect did this experience have upon you later in your life, or even today?
f. If you could have been at that time absolutely open and honest, what would you have said to your parents or to others who played a role (or who were with you) in this event or in this situation?
1. What you felt.
2. What were your needs and desires.
3. What you wanted them to do or not do
(Write the answers in the second person to your parents or to others, as if you were speaking to them or writing them a letter).
When you finish with one experience or situation, go on to another and another, answering the same questions.
EXPRESSING THE EMOTIONS OF OUR CHILDHOOD YEARS
Having come into contact with some of the unexpressed emotions, needs or beliefs of our childhood years, the next stage is to express and release them without, of course, hurting others. Some ways in which we can do that are listed here.
1. Write letters to the people who played an important role in the unpleasant experiences of your childhood (parents, teachers, uncles, aunts, siblings, grandparents & others). We will not necessarily give these letters. We simply need to write them, in order to become aware of, and express, what is hidden within us.
a. Communicate totally openly and honestly.
b. Add new thoughts and feelings each day.
c. No necessity for chronological order.
d. Express how you felt at that young age (not how you see it or explain it now).
e. Release and express your negative (and positive) feelings.
f. Express your needs, feelings, desires and thoughts you had at that time.
2. Read these letters to someone who is experienced in active listening.
a. If you find that reading causes strong feelings, express and release them, before you continue reading. Don’t hold these emotions locked inside you. You may then need to switch to an emotional release technique.
b. You may need to read these letters additional times until the emotional charge is released. You should read it as many times as you need to so that you can read it without feeling upset about what you are reading.
3. Below is a more detailed questionnaire (fig. 51) which will help with the clarification and expression of exactly what we felt, needed and believed as children. It is best if we write with the opposite hand from the one we usually write with. In this way, we can experience the weakness, difficulty and vulnerability which we felt in those childhood years. It also stimulates the opposite side of the brain, bringing memories to the surface. Imagine that one of the persons who played an important role in our childhood experiences is asking us these questions. We answer the questions separately for each person we want to communicate with. We do not, for example, answer our mother and father, or our family as a whole together. It does not matter if the soul we are writing to is presently in his physical body. It does not matter whether the other can understand what we are writing. We are not writing this to give it to anyone (although, if we feel that it will help the other, we are free to do so). We are writing this in order to discover, understand and express ourselves more deeply. We have everything to gain by being as honest as possible by answering from our inner child. If there are matters about which our inner child feels differently from our adult, we can express both sides if we want to, but best to give emphasis on allowing the inner child express it self.
Questions which aid in expressing
a. Tell me, when you were a child, did I do anything which upset you, hurt you or made you feel fear, rejection , guilt, injustice, disappointment or some other negative emotion?
b. Please tell about each occasion, situation or behavior separately. Give me the details :
1. What exactly did I do or not do?
2. How did you feel?
3. What did you think then?
4. What conclusions did you draw about yourself?
5. What conclusions did you draw about me?
c. Did you feel that I had high expectations of you, that I wanted you to be something special? Please explain to me exactly what you felt I wanted you to be physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually etc. Perhaps because I praised you for some things, you believed that I accepted and loved you only if you excelled in those areas?
1. How did you feel about that?
2. What did you think then?
3. What conclusions did you draw about yourself worth and love in general?
d. What other emotions would you like to express to me?
e. What did you need from me then, which I did not give you enough of?
f. What would you have liked me to do then, which I did not do?
g. What would you have preferred that I not do, which I did?
h. Did you ever feel guilt, shame or self rejection as a child?
i. At what times and for what reasons? What did you do, say or think?
j. What did you believe which made you feel guilty?
k. Did I, in any way, cause you to feel guilty in those situations? How?
l. Where others also instrumental in causing you to feel guilty? Who, and for what?
m. What would you like to say to me or to the others concerning those situations?
n. What could I do now, in order for you to feel better?
o. What could you yourself do now in order to feel better?
These are the questions which have to do with expression. The rest of the questions have to do with the process of transformation, and are best left until we feel that we are ready to accept what happened and forgive and forget. We will present them here but they should be used only when one is ready
Questions which aid in transforming:
p. What thoughtforms were created in you then due to those experiences?
q. Which of those thoughtforms have you totally overcome, and which are still alive in you, even to a small degree?
r. What do you think was my inner state which caused me to behave in the way I did then? (Remember, we are imagining that the person, who may have hurt us with his behavior, is asking us these questions.)
s. Which do you think were my motives, needs, feelings, and beliefs which caused me to behave in the way I did then.
t. If the spiritual truth that “life gives exactly what we need as souls in evolution in order to evolve and develop spiritual virtues,” is actually true, then what could be the lessons, the virtues which you are being asked to develop here?
u. What do you need to learn here in order to be happy?
v. Which beliefs do you need to change here in order to free yourself from the false beliefs of the past?
x. What do you need to do, or believe, in order to forgive me and free yourself from my presence in your subconscious?
y. What do you need to do and believe in order to forgive yourself and enjoy your purity and goodness?
z. What changes do you want to make in your life style in order to find your harmony and strength? How and when will you make these changes?
POSITIVE MESSAGES FOR YOUR INNER CHILD
Following you will find a list of possible messages for the inner child (fig. 52) which can be strengthened internally by:
a. By writing them in a letter to the inner child
b. Introducing them to the inner child while in the transformation regression
c. During our daily communication with the inner child.
d. By making a relaxation cassette with these messages.
e. In a psychodrama, the facilitator can declare to the receiver, who is playing the role of the inner child, the truths which he needs to hear. Also one can do reverse psychodrama and the facilitator plays the inner child as the receiver explains to the inner child these truths and any others which come to mind.
MESSAGES FOR THE INNER CHILD
1. I love you and accept you exactly as you are.
2. I appreciate you and respect you.
3. I feel affection and tenderness for you.
4. You are free to do what you like, provided you are not hurting anybody.
5. You are capable and strong.
6. There is an infinite spiritual power within you which protects you from illness, events and dangers.
7. Your body is healthy and strong and resistant to illness.
8. You live in a divine plan which brings to you only what is useful for your development.
9. You selected your parents and the events of your childhood, and thus you created the perfect conditions for your development.
10. There is a Divine Power which guides you from within.
11. There is within you an all-wise voice that always leads you correctly in your life. Follow it.
12. You have the right and the responsibility to express your inner strength and beauty creatively.
13. You deserve love and respect from everyone, regardless of your appearance, social position, profession, knowledge, achievements and of what others think of you.
14. Your self worth is the same as that of every other soul, no more no less.
15. No one else can create, or be responsible, for your happiness, health or success.
16. You cannot create or assume responsibility for the happiness, health or success of others.
17. You are an eternal, divine consciousness in the process of developing the ability to express the beauty that exists within you.
18. Everything is God. There is no one or nothing that is not the expression of the one universal consciousness (God) – You are no exception.
19. It is not necessary to live your life according to the convictions or expectations of your parents or of others. Love, respect and help them, but live according to your principles, needs and convictions.
20. Your “parents” are eternal souls in a process of evolution, whom you selected to play these roles in this incarnation. Your only real parent is God.
21. You have the same worth, wisdom, strength, and rights as the eternal souls who played the role of your parents.
22. Whatever anyone did to harm you was out of ignorance or fear.
THE REST OF THESE TECHNIQUES ARE ORIENTED TOWARDS THE FACILITATORS WHO MIGHT BE GUIDING PEOPLE THROUGH THEM
4. Psychodrama can then be played with someone experienced in this technique.
a. We imagine that the facilitator is the person with whom we want to improve our relationship. We express all of the above, imagining that we are speaking to that person towards whom these feelings and thoughts are directed. The facilitator, playing the role of the person from our childhood years, could ask us the questions listed above, or any other questions which will aid us in expressing our feelings, needs and beliefs. Note for facilitators: In psychodrama we sit opposite the other, look in his eyes, and in essence, do active listening, with the basic difference being that we are playing the role of the person, with which he has the problem. He and we imagine that we are that person with which he has the problem, and we both communicate from within these roles. Some, in psychodrama, may be tempted to react in ways that they imagine the other (who usually we do not know) might act. This can sometimes be successful, but it can also get us off the track, because we are simply projecting our own emotions,needs, behavior or reactions. It is better in most cases while playing the role of the other person, to imagine that that person knows active listening and limit ourselves to asking questions which come to our minds as we identify with the other person. Many of these questions can be found in the questionnaire above (fig. 51). Psychodrama can also be done in other situations which have to do with any problem past or present which we have with someone. The facilitator plays the role of the person we have the problem with and asks us questions about what we feel, need and believe and most importantly what we would like to request from the other? This is a very effective technique which almost always reveals more than simple active listening. The questions are the same, but the answers come out differently because we are in these roles and the communication becomes more immediate. If this should lead to intense emotions, release them first and then go on.
5. Speaking to the Wall is a variation of psychodrama in which we do not have someone to ask us questions. We sit towards the wall, or place a picture of that person before us, and then, with eyes closed or open, we express our feelings, needs and beliefs to that person. When this is done in group session, music should be played so as to cover the voices of the participants.
6. Reverse Psychodrama is also a very powerful technique which can be used to help the receiver understand the person he is having a problem with. It can be applied when the receiver is ready to start transforming his beliefs. In reverse psychodrama the facilitator plays the part of the receiver himself and the receiver plays the part of the person he is having the problem with (present or past). The facilitator asks questions of the receiver which guide him into understanding what was or is going on in the other person which caused him to behave in this way, and what the receiver can do to help the other person, and thus this relationship. It cultivates understanding. An introduction to reverse psychodrama might be:
“Now that I have explained to you how I feel and what my problem is, and what I need from you, I would like to ask you some questions.”
Now the facilitator who is playing the role of the receiver asks these questions to the receiver who is playing the role of the person he has a problem with. The receiver is to answer not with the defense mechanisms of the person he has a problem with, but what he feels is the truth behind those mechanisms. Thus, he would not answer ironically as the other might, but rather, get in touch with what exists behind that irony.
a. ” How do you feel about what I have now told you?”
b. ” Have I done something which has bothered you? How did that make you feel?”
c. ” What aspects of my behavior annoy you the most and how do you feel when I act in that way?”
d. “I think that this is not the first time I have explained to you that I need this behavioral change from you. But this has not happened. Can you explain to me the reasons why you find it difficult to respond to what I am asking you?”
e. ” Does something I do make you defensive towards me? What is it?”
f. ” How do you feel towards me?”
g. ” How do you believe I feel towards you?”
h. ” Do you feel that I care for you or love you?”
i. ” What do you need from me in order to feel closer to me, more united?”
j. ” What can I do to improve our relationship?”
7. The Emotional Release technique based on focusing on the body, feeling the emotion, accepting it, allowing it to expand and express itself is always an invaluable tool in this phase of the work. This exercise can be done separately or in conjunction with regressions, psychodrama , active listening, writing or reading letters or any other techniques which bring emotions up. Whenever we see that emotions are coming to the surface, we facilitate them with this technique. An experienced guide should be present at first.
8. Regressions can then be performed in which the receiver will speak to the people (whom he will recall in his imagination) to whom he wrote the letters or to others that come to his mind. We encourage him with the following guidelines.
a. Express all the emotions (negative and positive) you felt as a child. Express the needs, thoughts and desires you had.
b. Settle with them everything you hadn’t settled as a child.
c. If you begin to cry, allow this energy to become released before you continue to talk.
We remind you of the release regression technique (fig 53).
AN OUTLINE FOR THE RELEASING CHILDHOOD REGRESSION
1. Relaxation of body and mind.
2. River, cave, lake.
3. “There appears in front of you your image at the age of about 18 years old”. He remembers details and we continue going down.
4. “Now an unpleasant experience will appear”. Reliving of the experience.
5. Expression of feelings, needs, thoughts (mental or oral). – “When you talk about it, you get a better understanding”. RELEASING OF EMOTIONS.
6. Embracing, giving affection and relief to the child – experiencing love also as a child.
7. Repetition of 4,5,6 as many times as we want, in connection with other experiences.
8. Equality of worth and power with the parents and everyone.
9. Positive images:
c) As inner state
d) As images
– Release of emotions
– Written release of feelings
A LIST OF BELIEFS FOR TRANSFORMATION
After making a list of childhood experiences which may have caused us to make some false assumptions about ourselves, others or life itself, we can then start to make a list of possible beliefs which were programmed into us through those experiences. The list of beliefs in the appendix will help. We might then want to fill in a chart like the following one (fig. 54). In the left column, we refer briefly to the experience. In the center column we list the beliefs which we adopted due to that experience. In the right column, we write down possible opposite positive beliefs which we would like now to strengthen within us. While searching for the beliefs you want to change, pay special attention to your answers to the questionnaires listed above,
Transformation Regressions (Fig. 55) can then be performed to help the inner child see everything that has happened on a basis of spiritual truths and a more mature logic.
(Such positive messages for the inner child follow below).
AN OUTLINE FOR THE TRANSFORMATION CHILDHOOD REGRESSION
The process is the same as for the release regression mentioned above (fig.53) up to, and including step no. 4. Then we continue differently.
5. We relive the experience, this time through the spiritual truths and concepts. The child feels an inner light, security, self-acceptance, regardless of what happens. He understands the others, he forgives them and relieves them of responsibility for what he experienced. Refer to the list of messages for the inner child listed above (fig. 52)
6. Embrace the child – experience of love (and as a child).
7. Repetition of 4, 5 and 6 as many times as we want.
8. Equality of worth and power with the parents and every one. Recreate parents.
9. Positive affirmations.
– Letters of forgiveness to others and self.
– Psychodrama of forgiveness.
Having healed the inner child through these truths we are then ready to begin the process of forgiveness, which is our liberation from the past. If upon working with your childhood years you realize that you need to forgive others or your self, return to the chapter 19 on forgiveness.