Life Lessons no 2 – Super Woman

Life Stories and Lessons
S2 Situation & Lessons No.2 – SUPER WOMAN

Katerina is very conscientious, a hard worker and reliable in all cases.

At work and at home she can be depended on to get things done. She often stays hours after work in order to get her work done, something which no one else in her office does.

When she gets home, she immediately starts out with the cooking, cleaning, dishes etc. Although the others are home even before she is, no one even thinks of helping out. Katerina will do all this. She is a perfectionist and although sometimes complains that no one helps, she in fact cannot relax when they do something. First of all they may not do it right. Secondly, she depends on the role of the super responsible and super capable person who can do everything to establish her self worth. This is how she has been programmed that she can ensure respect and love from the others. (The truth, however, is that only her boss is happy about it, because his work gets done correctly and quickly. Most of her coworkers and family members are annoyed by the tension which she creates in her super woman role.)

Even when she does allocate some responsibility to someone else, her anxiety for it to get done and be right forces her to do it before the other gets a chance. She is attached to both speed and perfection. She cannot relax when something is not completed or when something is not cleaned and in its place.

Except for putting up with her regular complaining that no one helps and an occasional outburst of anger, the others in the family and even at work have it easy. They have very little work to do, and depend on Katerina to get it done. Her occasional anger is a small price to pay for not having to do much work.

They sometimes feel sorry for her and want to help her, but do not know how. They cannot share her standards for order, cleanliness and speed of execution. These are not as important to them as they are to Katerina. And they have never had the opportunity to feel those needs, because everything has always been taken care by her before they could feel any lack.

Katerina’s husband Petro, is gradually losing his self respect, and depending more and more on Katerina for things to be done. She even has to take the car to get fixed because he leaves it for months. Her super woman role was gradually sapping him of all his self worth and he was becoming ever more lazy and irresponsible. He agrees to do things, but literally takes months to do them.

He eventually found himself spending more and more time with the men at the coffee house, playing cards and killing time. He was now avoiding contact with Katerina, who was a continuous reminder of his inadequacy. She was even making more money than him, and this was a blow to his manhood.

All this could have been predicted by anyone who was aware of the messages they received as children. Petro, the son of two very active and successful parents, was put off by their hyperactivity and simultaneously very doubtful that he could ever succeed in their eyes and by their measure. He was very fearful of failing. This fear of failure caused him to become blocked to learning or doing, and he spent most of his time playing games, something he could succeed at.

He heard from his parents on daily basis that he was lazy, incapable and would do nothing with his life. He now sought to make their words come true.

Katerina understood at a young age that her father wanted a son and not a daughter, and although she was much more intelligent and industrious than her younger brother, he got all the attention. Katerina, then decided to prove her worth to her father in men’s terms. She decided that she must succeed professionally and economically so as to be a “man” in her father’s eyes and have his attention and love. Thus she became super woman.

Gradually the Petro and the children become even more lazy and rebellious. They subconsciously felt the need to do even less. Many times although agreements were made and they wanted to keep those agreements, they subconsciously undermined them, never keeping them. This was a reaction to the pressure and rejection they were feeling from Katerina.

Now everyone was feeling the victim. Katerina was the victim of their laziness and irresponsibility, and they were victims of her bitterness, rejection and anger.

Then one day Katerina got ill. She was exhausted and seriously ill and needed support from her family both in her illness and also in getting things done around the home. She asked for help, but no one could hear her. There was no space in their minds for an ill super woman. They loved her and cared for her, but they could not hear her needs. She had never expressed weakness, fear, inability before, and this was just so foreign, that they felt so uncomfortable, that could not respond.

Now Katerina felt doubly hurt and abused. For so many years, she had taken care of all their needs, and now that she needed them, no one could respond. She felt bitterly hurt at the indifference she was facing.

What could they have all done to avoid this situation? What lessons do they need to learn?

Katerina: Does she need to learn that she is worthy of love and respect even if she is not a super woman? Or that she does not help others, when she does their work for them or does not let them take on their responsibilities? Perhaps she needs to learn to have faith in the others abilities or to allow others to grow through their mistakes? Does she need to learn express her needs, without complaining or accusing, and believe that it is natural that the others will want to support her in fulfilling her needs? Or perhaps to be able to rest when tired even when everything in not perfect around her?

Petro: Is his lesson to believe in himself and his intelligence and abilities? Or could it be that his self worth is not measured by his achievements but rather by his heart and his character? Does he need to learn to activate himself and offer more? Does he need to work on his childhood years and free himself from that false programming?

How about the others: Perhaps they need to learn to be more responsible and energetic in their responsibilities and work? Perhaps also to hear Katerina’s needs behind her complaints and accusations and help her out even when she does not have faith in how they will do it? Or even to hear and respond to her needs even when she cannot express them?

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You can download an ebook with 52 life situations and possible lessons that each might have in those situations at

http://www.armonikizoi.com/store/products/life-coach-2-situations-and-lessons

The situations included in that ebook are the following.

 

 LIFE STORIES AND LESSONS

 

These contain possible lessons to be learned. The stories involve real-life scenarios and offer us a clearer and deeper understanding deeply our own life situations.

 

We are educators and believe in the information we are sharing with you. But we are not doctors and cannot take any responsibility for you health. Ultimately in all cases, even with your doctors, you are responsible for your health and must follow your inner voice concerning how to maintain your health or heal your self. If you have any doubt about any suggestions you find here, consult your doctor or simply do not employ them.

 

 

S01 Self Suppression  – Anna does whatever she is asked to do despite the fact that she doesn’t want to and then feels that she has been done injustice to.

 

S02  Super Woman – Katerina is very conscientious, a hard worker and reliable in all cases. No one knows she has needs and feels hurt.

 

S03  They Have Nothing In Common – They are married and have nothing in common.

 

S04  To Communicate Or Not – Melina solves her problems by talking and using her husband as a sounding board. He is aloof and prefers not to talk.

 

S05  Jealousy – Vasilis is very jealous of Efi and does not want her out of the house at all without him.

 

S06  Different Sexual Needs – She lost her desire for sexual contact very early in her marriage. He feels rejected and suppressed.

 

S07  He Doesn’t Love Me –  She is unhappy because her husband does not love her.

 

S08  Illness – Gina’s long standing illness has become a source of tension for all her family.

 

S09  Fear And Jealousy, Suppression And Reaction – She is not very sure of herself as woman. She doubts whether a man can stay interested in her.

 

S10  Social Life – He does not feel comfortable with people. She needs frequent social contact.

 

S11   Anger – Vicky never expresses her anger, but receives everyone else’s.

 

S12  Anxiety – She has continual anxiety about her children.

 

S13  Our Happiness Is Dependent On How The Other Is – Anastasia cannot feel well when her husband Antonis is one is not well.

 

S14  Shame – She often feels ashamed of her husband’s behavior.

 

S15  Does Not Keep Agreements – He says “YES” to what he is requested, but then does not do it.

 

S16  If They Loved Me, They Would Respond To My Needs. – Aliki is hurt and angry because no one in her family love her enough to respond to her needs.

 

S17  Perfectionism – Marina is a perfectionist and this annoys her husband, Dionisis.

 

S18  Mother In Law – Elias is caught between two women he loves, his wife and his mother.

 

S19  What To Do? – Argyro loves Stellios but she is not “in love” with him. He has proposed marriage. What she should do?

 

S20  Losing Weight And Smoking Cigarettes – He rejects her for being overweight and she retaliates about his smoking.

 

S21  Strength And Fear – Emotion And Logic – A few years ago she had an experience in which she almost fainted in the center of the City.

 

S22  Mirroring Negativity – Nikos had the need to share his problems with his wife when he arrived home from work.

 

S23  His Wife Is Missing From The House Continually – He feels rejected and demeaned by the fact that his wife is out of the house so much.

 

S24  A 30 Year Old Child – Both Froso and her husband experience inner and outer conflict because their thirty year old son has not yet become economically independent.

 

S25  Meaningful Work – He is dissatisfied with his work, and wants to stop. His wife is afraid he might leave it.

 

S26  Fear Of Death – Giorgos, now fifty two, had always been a strong a capable man. Now he fears death.

 

S27  Addiction – He is an alcoholic. Both he and his family suffer.

 

S28  Just Divorced – Margarita was just left by her husband who went off with another woman.

 

S29  Death Of Loved One – Sophia who is only 45, with three children, lost her husband three months ago.

 

 

THE LIFE SITUATIONS FROM NO. 30 AND ON ARE FROM THE BOOK

 The Psychology of Happiness

 

 

S30  Communication Problems – Anna enjoys sharing her feelings with her husband Paul. She also needs to know what he is feeling and thinking. When she is unable to communicate with him, she feels neglected and unloved.

 

S31 Anxiety About Grades – John and Barbara have three children in junior and senior school. Their house witnesses frequent battles concerning how much the children need to study and what grades are acceptable.

 

S32  Fear That He Is Having An Affair – Wendy is sure that her husband Mark is having an affair. She doesn’t have absolute proof but she just knows it in her heart. She is afraid and deeply hurt and disappointed. She feels rejected, demeaned, betrayed, quite insecure, not to mention angry.

 

S33  Alcoholic Father And Husband – Mary’s father was an abusive alcoholic. Her husband Tony is following in his footsteps. As is quite common, Mary has selected a husband who is simply a continuation of her father.

 

S34  Mother-In-Law – Phillip’s mother- in- law Olga has moved in. She tends to intrude into their lives, telling them what they are doing wrong and criticizing their behavior; especially concerning how they bring up their children.

 

S35  The Absent Spouse – Janice’s Husband Ted is seldom home. He prefers the office, the club and the bar. On the weekends he goes hunting with his male friends.

 

S36  Self Evaluation – Today Charles has discovered that his coworker Andy had a more successful professional year than he did. Andy sold more accounts and was commended and promoted by the company.

 

S37  Self Suppression – Susan suppresses herself in order to be accepted and loved. However, those around her don’t do the same. She feels mistreated. She feels hurt and mentally complains and criticizes. She feels that she is being done an injustice to, but he never shares this with others. For her, the others are not correct, because they treat her unjustly.

 

S38  The Intimidator – Elias is an Intimidator. He seeks to control others by making them fear him. He obstructs them from asking anything of him or from controlling him, by making them afraid to approach. He does this by shouting, intimidating, accusing, threatening and occasionally even resorting to physical violence. He uses other people’s fear and self doubt to control them.

 

S39  The Interrogator – Katherine plays the role of the interrogator.  She would have made a good lawyer. She controls others by playing with their need for her approval. She does this by criticizing, doubting, giving advice and, in general, creating doubt about the others’ ability or correctness in what they are doing.

 

S40  The Aloof – Manfred tends to withdraw into himself and seldom communicates his feelings, thoughts or needs. His wife and children find him to be aloof.  He distances himself from others, avoiding meaningful or honest emotional contact.

 

S41  The Victim – Martha, 75 years old, has identified with the role of the victim since she got married fifty years ago.  She plays on the others’ pity and guilt. When they are angry with her, she protects herself from their rage and aggression by playing the weak abused person, usually crying.

 

S42  Cannot Be Happy When Others Are Not – Tatiana is very sensitive and identifies emotionally with those close to her. She finds it very difficult to be happy when anyone near her is not well, either physically or emotionally. She feels responsible. She also believes that it is not proper to be happy when someone she loves is not well.

 

S43  Do Not Change My Program – Albert is a very organized person. He likes everything to be in its place and to be in control in all situations. In order to feel safe, he needs to be functioning within a program. He needs for this program to be airtight and not change.  If for some reason beyond his control what he has programmed should change, he loses his serenity and can become very negative and even threatening.

 

S44  Perfect, Strong And Conscientious – Janet is a superwoman. She is extremely capable, efficient and conscientious. When she has something to do, she will not rest until it is accomplished. She can not live with “matters pending”. She can rest only when they have been completed.

 

S45  Fear Concerning The Children – Nora has intense fears concerning her children’s welfare. She is afraid of their becoming ill and has nightmares about the possibility of their departing from their bodies. She also fears that they might become involved in drugs, be kidnapped, have an accident or in some way be harmed. She simply cannot handle the possibility of her children being harmed in any way.

 

S46  Parental Pressure – Steven is a student at a well-known university. He is not happy. He has lost interest in his major and does not want to continue. His parents will not even discuss the possibility of his not completing his degree. He is fast approaching a depressive state, as he sees no solution.

 

S47  Loud Neighbors – Beverly lives with her husband and children in an apartment building. The tenants upstairs seem have little awareness of or respect for others. They play their television and stereo quite loud until early hours of the morning and walk in such a way so as to create a loud tapping noises with their ever step.

 

S48  Good, Righteous And Spiritual – Paul is very much identified with the role of the “good, righteous and spiritual person”. That is not to say that he is not a good person, but that he bases his self worth on this fact and wants to appear even more “spiritual” than he is.

 

S49  Weak,   Incapable And Dependent – Hubert feels weak and incapable. He has been programmed in this way by a weak mother and a domineering and demeaning father. He has come to perceive himself as unable to face the difficulties of life.

 

S50  The Rebel The Revolutionary, The Negative, The Antagonist. – Jake is a rebel. He easily feels suppressed and reacts in ways to protect his freedom often from imaginary dangers. He believes that others cant to control him and prevent him from doing what he would like to do.

 

S51 <a href=”/archives/lessons/s_51.asp”>The Parent The Savior, The Teacher, The Responsible – Anthony is a “savior”. He feels responsible for all around him. He believes that he must save them and keep them well and happy. He cannot rest when someone he feels responsible for is not well or happy. He feels that he has failed in his “role”. Others can easily use or control him, by making him feel that he is responsible for their reality.

 

S52  The Guilty, The Sinner, The Bad, The Evil One – Susan has a tendency to feel guilty. She has been programmed to believe that she is unworthy, evil a sinner. This causes her to incessantly seek her self worth through others. She spends tremendous amounts of energy attempting to prove her self worth through her professional endeavors, her service to others.

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