This is a part of a series of articles with questions, which will help us understand our emotions and how we can free ourselves from unwanted ones.
The questions here will refer to “blaming” but you can replace this word with condemning or criticizing or any other word which suits you.
1. Why does the other’s behavior annoy me so much?
2. What is the other preventing me from having by his/her behavior?
3. What do I believe which makes this behavior so unacceptable to me?
4. Do I feel in any way that my security, self-worth or freedom are in danger?
5. What do I gain by blaming, condemning or criticizing the other.
6. What am I protecting by blaming the other.
7. What would I feel and what would happen is I did not blame the other.
8. What is there in me which is attracting that behavior from the other (or from life)?
9. What is my lesson here?
a. Which beliefs do I needed to change in order to not attract this any more?
b. Which beliefs do I need to change in order to be able to be at peace with myself and the other, even if I come into contact with this behavior in the future.
10. Which actions do I need to take here in order to prevent myself from this behavior? How can I do this as assertively and loving as possible?
Now you may like to describe how you would like to think, feel and respond in future situations. You may find it more powerful to write your description in the present tense as if it is already a reality.