Hidden Problematic Communication: Connected Containers

Communication between people with close emotional contact such as lovers, parents, children or members of the same family, is very much like the flow of water in two containers connected on their lower half. When the water level in one container is pressured downwards, it will naturally rise in the other container.

Thus when emotionally close persons suppress their emotions or needs, these feelings generally are increased in the others, without either of them discussing or otherwise communicating about this openly.

When one suppresses fear, the other feels more fear. When one suppresses desires, the desire level in the other becomes accentuated. When one suppresses anger, or resentment, then the other finds himself or herself expressing anger and resentment for both of them.

For example, a woman who suppresses her anger may find herself receiving even more aggressive behavior from her husband, because he is receiving her suppressed anger on the subconscious levels. She may feel like an abused victim, but in fact it is her own suppressed negativity, which is coming back to her through him.

This is why it is so important for us to express our feelings and needs clearly and openly, so that we can openly discussed them and find solutions. When emotions are communicated in nonverbal and unconscious ways, through these “connected containers”, then little can be done to find solutions.

You may at times try to avoid problems by not expressing your feelings or needs. You are in fact, however, creating many more problems, which can never be solved, because there is no means of real communication. Your feelings will be passed on to the other whether you express them with words or not.

It is much better to express them with words and actions as clearly and as lovingly is possible.

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