a. Perhaps the beliefs you are searching for are expressed somewhat differently than in the phrases below.
b. Some phrases may seem more correct in another person, for example you or he or she.
c. Give time to yourself to search deeply inside you so you may see if there is still a small part of yourself that believes or feels what is here expressed.
d. The numbers after the beliefs refer to the list of childhood experiences that could make someone form such beliefs.
BELIEFS – CHILDHOOD CONCLUSIONS
1. I’m unworthy, no matter what I do. (1,2)
2. I’m unworthy when I’m scolded, rejected, accused or when others are angry at me. (1,2)
3. I’m in danger when others are angry at me, when they scold, accuse or reject me. (1,2)
4. People don’t love me. (1,2)
5. People are aggressive. (1,2)
6. I’m responsible for the misery of others. (1,2)
7. I’m bad, evil. (1)
8. I’m alone in life. (1,2,3,6,7,8)
9. I am unprotected, vulnerable, in danger. (1,2,3)
10. No one wants to be with me. (1,2,3)
11. I’m not worthy of a permanent, steady relationship – I will be abandoned. (3)
12. There is no steady support, friendship, love in this world, or, if there is, I cannot have it or I am not worthy of it. (1,2,3)
13. I am unworthy of affection, tenderness or expression of love. (1,3,4)
14. I am and will be treated unjustly. There is no justice. (1,3,4)
15. I cannot have what I want or what I need. (4)
16. I must not ask for what I need. (4)
17. The human body is weak and vulnerable to illness and pain. (5)
18. I’m in danger of getting sick, feeling pain, or dying. (5)
20. It’s my fault when someone close to me is ill. (5)
21. I have no right to be happy or in a good mood when others are sick. (5)
22. Illness shows weakness and I must not get sick so as not to show weakness. (5)
23. My selfworth is measured in relation to how I compare with others. (6,17)
24. Others accept me and want me only if they believe me to be strong and superior. (6,17)
25. Without others I’m unworthy and insecure. (6,17)
26. I must prove my worth in comparison to the others. (7,17)
27. Others don’t love me enough to stay with me. (3,8)
28. It’s my fault when someone close to me dies. I’m guilty. (8)
29. I didn’t treat someone right before he died. I’m guilty. (3,8)
30. I cannot trust men (women). (1,3,8,9,10)
31. Those of the opposite sex want me only for my body. (9,10)
32. I’m guilty because I let it happen. (9)
33. I’m in danger of men women). (1,9,10)
34. Sex is violence. (9,10)
35. The sexual act is violent and causes pain. (9,10)
36. The sexual act is a compulsory act that to which one is submited by his companion. (9,10)
37. The sexual act is dirty and brutal. (9,10)
38. I must definitely repay others what they have given me. (11,12)
39. I don’t want to receive anything from anyone because then I’ll be indebted to them. I will not be free. (11,12)
40. I am always obligated to others no matter what I do. (11,12)
41. I must sacrifice what I believe in and want, in order to satisfy my parents (or others). (11,12)
42. The others are obliged to me for what I do for them. (11,12)
43. I’ m guilty because I have taken more than I have given (12)
44. I ‘m guilty (responsible) for the others’ reality (for their health, peace, success etc. (1,12,18)
45. I’m unworthy when those around me (especially children, companion, parents, brothers or sisters, friends) are not well. I am unsuccessful in my role. (11,18)
46. I have no right to be well, happy, in a good mood or to rest when others have problems or are not well. (11,12,18)
47. Others are responsible for my unhappiness, illness, failure. (11,12,18)
48. I must save others and the world. People are incapable of doing it themselves. (11,12,18)
49. Others don’t know, they must listen to me. I must solve their problems. (11,12,18)
50. I cannot have confidence in others to do things because they might make mistakes. (11,12,18)
51. If I don’t do it, no one will. (11,12,18)
52. I am treated unjustly because I always help and sacrifice myself for others, but they don’t help me when I need help. (11,12,18)
53. I must be always strong, must never show weakness or ask for help. (11,12,18)
54. Others must understand and respond to my needs without my expressing them (perhaps as I do to them). (11,12,18)
55. I am incapable. (11,12,13)
56. I am lazy. (13)
57. I’m not intelligent. (13)
58. I will be unable to succeed in my purpose. (12)
59. I must prove my selfworth to the others. (11,12,13)
60. I will never be able to prove my worth to the others. (13)
61. I am bad, dirty and guilty because I have sexual drives, feelings or needs. (14)
62. I am unworthy of God’s love. (1,3,4,5,7,8,9,11,12,13,14,22, 25)
63. I am a sinner, and God does not love me. (14,15)
64. God will punish me in life. Bad things will definitely happen. (14,15)
65. Things cannot be always pleasant. (14,15)
66. Teachers and people of authority want to oppress me, to make me feel inferior, hurt me. (16)
67. I am in danger of being controlled by those in positions of power. (1,2,16)
68. We must fight authority. (1,16)
69. Others will laugh at me, make fun of me. (16)
70. Others cannot be trusted. (1,3,6,7,17)
71. I must be better than the others in order to be worthy, loved and secure. (19a)
72. I must excel to be worthy. (19b, 19c)
73. I must be perfect, without faults. (19c)
74. I must not show weakness. (19c)
75. I must be more intelligent and informed than the others so that I may be worthy and accepted. (19d)
76. I must be handsome/beautiful (in order to be accepted). (19e)
77. I must have beautiful and new clothes, and to improve my appearance in different ways so that others may accept and love me. (19e)
78. My home (car, clothes etc.) must be absolutely clean and orderly so that I may be worthy. (19f)
79. I can’t relax unless everything is in order and clean. (19f)
80. Others must help me to keep things in order and clean. (19f)
81. Others are dirty and incapable. (19f)
82. I must be desired by many women (men) in order to be worthy. (19g)
83. I cannot trust my companion, he will deceive me (cheat on me). (19g)
84. Without financial and/or social success and recognition, I will not be worthy in the eyes of others. They will not pay attention to me, nor will they have esteem for me. (19h)
85. I must be happier than others to be worthy. (19h)
86. My worth depends on the opinion of the others. If they don’t accept me, I am not worthy. I must have their acceptance. (19i)
87. I am worthy only if I do a lot of things (or more than the others do). (19j)
88. I must satisfy others. They must be satisfied with me in order to be worthy. (19k)
89. I cannot say “no” to others, I will lose their love. They won’t want me. (19l)
90. I must not express my needs because: (19m)
a. I don’t have the right to.
b. The others don’t reciprocate.
c. It’s a sin.
d. I will be hurt.
91. I am incapable to think, to decide for myself. I must find someone to tell me what to do. (20)
92. I am incapable to face life’s difficulties, I must find someone to help me. (20)
93. If I become sick, they won’t ask me to have take on any responsibilities. (20)
94. It’s my parents’ fault that my life is a failure. (20)
95. I must become like my parents (or others). I must be equally perfect, dynamic, successful, in order to be worthy and accept myself. (21)
96. I will never be able to measure up to my parents, I am unworthy. It’s better if I destroy myself. (21)
97. I reject the status quo and all this deception called success. I reject the system, I don’t want to belong to it. (21)
98. Those who are successful are unjust to the less fortunate. We must fight injustice. (21)
99. I cannot trust others (men, women, people around me) because at some point they will insult me. (21)
100. I am not worthy of respect and love. (1,22)
101. I am a mistake. (1,22)
102. My feelings don’t count. (1,22)
103. I am afraid of authority (parent, teacher, companion, people in charge). I will be hurt. (1,22)
104. I am afraid of a close relationship, I will be hurt. I’m in danger. (1,22)
105. I am afraid of criticism and aggressiveness. I’m in danger. (1,22)
106. Others will take advantage of me. (1,22)
107. I must not express my needs, nobody will listen, I will be hurt. (1,22)
108. I must not show my feelings. I must not show pain. (1,6,18,22)
109. My parent is not (was not) right. He is unworthy. He is unjust. (1,22,23)
110. Since my parent is unworthy, I am too. (1,22,23)
111. I am ashamed of my parents and myself. (1,22,23)
112. I don’t want to be like my father (mother). I don’t want to have the same weakness and to make the same mistakes. (1,22,23)
113. God does not love me unconditionally. He gets angry at my faults, He will punish me. (15,25)
114. Something bad will happen to me. (I will get sick, my children will get sick and die. I will die, I will go mad(. (15,25)
115. People are double faced. They show one things but they think another and they do even another still. (22,26)
116. I am in danger of men, I cannot trust them. (1,22,26)
117. People are evil and want to use me . They want something of me. (26)
118. I must not rely on others, they will not be consistent and I will be hurt. (22,26)
119. I must not be truthful, otherwise I will lose in my transactions with other people. (26)
120. I must not show my true feelings. (26)
121. I am unworthy of, or cannot have, truthfulness from other people. (22,26)
122. I am not safe without enough money. (27)
123. I am not safe without other people’s acceptance. (27)
124. Without education I am not safe in this world. My child is not safe without education. (27)
125. Without family support ,I’m not safe. (3,27)
126. Without wealth I am not safe, nor are my children. (3,27)
127. Without a companion I am not safe. (27)
128. Without _________ I am not safe. (27)
129. I ‘m in general in danger. (1,3,8,22,27)
130. They must give me what I want when I want it – otherwise they don’t love me and then I’m not worthy. (28)
131. If they don’t give me what I want, I am not worthy and I am in danger. (28)
132. I cannot cope by myself, I need the others to give me what I need. (28)
133. I am a girl (woman) and so (30)
a. I’m worth less (or not at all).
b. I have fewer rights.
c. I am weak.
d. I am not safe without a man.
e. I must have a husband in order to be socially accepted.
f. I must not like sex.
g. I am incapable to deal with (machines, money, heavy work, “a man’s business”, with life in general).
h. My only reason to exist is only to serve my family. Otherwise I have no purpose.
i. My worth is valued by my appearance.
j. My worth is valued according to my children’s health, happiness, success.
k. I must submit to my husband (perhaps also to my children) and I must not express my own needs, feelings, opinions.
l. They won’t respect me no matter what I do.
m. I must not show that I’m worth as much as (or more than) men.
n. I must be (become) strong like a man in order to succeed in a man’s world, in order to be accepted and be worthy.
o. Men are my enemies and I must compete with them.
p. A man, with his behavior, will show me whether I am worthy or not.
134. I am a boy (man) and so (31) (ONLY FOR MEN)
a. I must be strong. I must not show weakness.
b. If I show weakness I won’t be accepted. I won’t be worthy.
c. I must be stronger than my wife. (More clever, able, successful etc.)
d. I must be wanted / desired by many women in order to be worthy.
e. My happiness is found in a woman.
f. A woman, by her behavior, will determine my selfworth.
g. My selfworth is valued according to my professional success (by comparison to the others in my circle).
h. My selfworth is measured according to how much money I have and how much wealth amass.
i. I must never cry.
j. I must not show a lot of feeling, tenderness or affection.
k. Illness is weakness. I must not get sick. I will be rejected.
l. My wife and children must obey me.
135. Without chemical substances I cannot face life (be calm, free).
a) Alcohol, b) Various types of food, c) cigarettes, d) hashish, e) drugs, f) coffee, g) sweets, h) chocolate etc. (22,25,29).
136. Without sex or love I cannot feel well (9,10,14,25,29,30,31)
137. Without travelling I cannot feel well (free). (29)
138.j They want to repress me, to restrict me. (29)
139. I must fight for my freedom. (29)
140. I must not allow any possible activity take place without personal participation. Otherwise I will miss something important. I won’t be free. (16,29)
141. I have no right to spend time
a. for myself
b. for my relaxation
c. for my health or development.
It is selfish. (11,12,13,15,18,19,21,25,30,31)
142. I can feel happy, secure and worthy only with this particular person, thing, situation, substance, activity. Nothing else will help me feel well. Not even something similar. (1,3,4,8,9,13,15,16,17,19,20,21,22,23,25,27,28,29,30,31)
143. If I don’t succeed in this particular endeavour, I will be unworthy and unhappy. (1,2,6,7,11,12,13,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,23,25,27,29,30,31)
SOME BELIEFS WHICH LEAD TO THE ROLE OF THE SELF – RIGHTEOUS- “GOOD” PERSON
144. I will be accepted only if I am right, good, in their eyes.
145. I must do what the others consider correct and good so that I might have their approval.
146. A good, correct (upstanding) person is worth more than the others.
147. Only if I am superior I am worthy.
148. If I am unworthy, then the others won’t want me, I will be alone and unsafe because I won’t even have God’s protection. If I am unworthy, I am in danger.
CERTAIN CONVICTIONS THAT LEAD TO THE WAY OF PERFECTION, STRENGTH
149. I am worthy and safe only if I am strong, able, perfect.
150. If my weaknesses (faults) show:
a. I will be rejected, humiliated, ridiculed. I will lose people’s respect, esteem, love.
b. I will be deserted.
c. I will be taken advantage of.
d. I will be dominated, controlled and I will lose my freedom.
151. He who has weaknesses:
a. Is unworthy.
b. Is vulnerable and he will be hurt, he will be made to suffer by others and by life in general.
152. Life is difficult, hard and there is no protection, no compassion. I must be strong to survive.
153. I am the only strength in my life.
154. Other people are incapable for doing anything right. I cannot rely on them. They ‘re going to mess up things.
155. My strength, ability and perfection are measured according to the results of my efforts (not by the effort or motives so much).
156. Man is worthy according to his abilities and achievements.
157. In order to be worthy, I must do everything to perfection.
CONVICTIONS THAT LEAD TO THE ROLE OF VICTIM
158. Other people are responsible for my reality, my problems, my happiness, my unhappiness, my health, my illness.
159. I have been treated unjustly by other people, by life, by God.
160. I am unworthy of something better. I cannot have anything better.
161. As long as I am treated unjustly, then I’m JUSTIFIED because the others are unjust. As long as I am treated unjustly, then I am upstanding and am worthy.
162. I cannot protect myself from others. If I clash, I will be wounded and hurt. Better to yield, to repress myself, to sacrifice myself.
163. I am responsible for other people’s reality. Therefore I must sacrifice myself for them.
164. I am an inferior being and I haven’t the right to express my needs, my feelings, my convictions.
165. If I don’t comply, I will be hurt.
166. I’m incapable to face life on my own. I need other people. Thus I must submit to the injustice in order that they don’t find me out.
167. I am guilty and not worthy of anything better.
168. I’m a woman and it is my role to sacrifice myself.
CONVICTIONS THAT LEAD TO THE ROLE OF THE WEAK, THE INCAPABLE, THE CHILD
169. I am incapable to face the difficulties of life.
170. I am not capable enough to satisfy my parents’ demands, to fulfill the plans they have for me.
171. I won’t be accepted, I won’t be loved if I try and don’t succeed. Better not to take a chance.
172. Life is difficult and dangerous.
173. I need my parents (companion, brother etc.) in order to feel secure. Without them I am in danger.
174. I am weak, without enough intelligence or abilities or talents. I have no qualifications. I am unworthy and will not succeed.
175. I do not have enough discrimination to make decisions. I need other people to tell me what to do.
176. If I grow up and take responsibility for my life:
a. I will lose my purity. Grown ups are bad and immoral. God will not love me.
b. I will fail.
c. No one will pay attention to me.
d. I will get tired. I will be inconvenienced.
CONVICTIONS THAT LEAD TO THE ROLE OF BEING GUILTY, UNDESERVING, BAD, SINFUL
177. I am guilty, bad and unworthy because:
a. I have committed a sin which is …..
b. Other people have not given me love and affection and this proves I am worthless.
c. Other people have told me I am worthless.
d. Other people have deserted me (or they died), which means that I am unworthy (or unloved), or that it was God’s punishment.
e. I have not succeeded to become perfect.
f. I did not succeed to satisfy others.
g. I did not succeed to protect other people and to create for them a reality without problems (at one time brothers/sisters, now perhaps children, companion, parents).
h. I belong to an inferior race, religion, social clan.
i. I am not intelligent, capable, successful.
j. God does not love me (my parents, my grandparents told me so).
178. He who makes mistakes is guilty, sinful.
179. God does not forgive. He hates and punishes sinners. My faults cannot be forgiven.
180. He who makes mistakes is not worth having a good life (health, happiness, success, respect from others).
181. I am responsible for other people’s reality, and I am guilty when they are not happy and satisfied.
182. I am guilty when others criticise me or scold me or have a “long” face or don’t want me.
183. I am guilty when others don’t trust me.
184. I feel guilty when I don’t succeed in my purposes.
185. I am guilty because:
a. I eat too much. b. I smoke. c. I drink alcohol. d. I don’t work enough.
e. My children have problems. f. Others are not pleased with me.
g. I don’t do my best (i.e., I never say “no”). h. I don’t help as much as I could.
i. I have sexual drives.
186. I am guilty, no matter what I do.
187. I don’t have the right to have others respect my needs.
188. I will be punished. Something bad will happen to me or to my family.
189. All the other people are good. I am inferior.
190. I must do a great deal, more than the others, in order to be worthy.
191. When I am criticised or others raise their voice, it means I am worthless.
192. I must be perfect (in cleanliness, orderliness, appearance) in order to be worthy of love and acceptance.
193. I am selfish.
194. I don’t have the right to ask for anyone’s help.
195. No one can love me.
196. I will get sick. I will die.
197. I don’t have the right to say “no”.
CONVICTIONS THAT LEAD TO THE ROLE OF PARENT, TEACHER, SAVIOUR, PERSON-IN-CHARGE
198. I am responsible for other people:
a. their health
b. their happiness
c. their success
d. their harmony
e. their development
f. their security
g. Anything that happens to them.
199. If I do not create a perfect reality (as above) for them, I have failed in my role and I am worthless.
200. If others are not pleased with me, I have failed and I am worthless.
201. If others don’t trust me, I am worthless in my role.
202. If others don’t listen to me, don’t obey me, don’t carry out my instructions, don’t follow my advice, then I am inefficient in my role and I am worthless.
203. If I am unworthy in my role, I will not have others’ esteem and consideration. I will be left alone, I am in danger.
204. If I don’t control everything around me, something might go wrong. I cannot depend on others. If I am not in control, then I am in danger.
205. If I show weakness, need or faults:
a. I will be rejected. I will be unwanted, I will be in danger.
b. They will use this knowledge of my weaknesses in order to hurt me. I will be in danger.
206. I am worthy only when I am in a superior position, i.e., teacher, saviour, parent. Only then I am secure.
207. If others need me (as teacher, saviour, parent), they won’t abandon me. I will not be left alone.
208. When alone, I am in danger.
209. If others need me, they will love me, they will give me what I need to have from them (tenderness, affection, love – and certainly respect etc.).
210. In this role, I can control things.
CONVICTIONS WHICH LEAD TO THE ROLE OF A REVOLUTIONARY, REACTIONARY, ANTAGONIST
211. I am in danger from society, parents, teachers, authorities.
212. I may lose
a. my freedom
b. my dignity
c. my worth
d. my security
213. Others may do me wrong, may wound me, may humiliate me.
214. I am weak, impotent, vulnerable. I will not succeed in this society
a. to achieve anything
b. to protect myself
c. to be happy
215. I need others’ approval, I am worthless and unsafe without their approval and assistance.
216. I am not intelligent. I don’t possess the internal wisdom, worth and power in order to live my life without other people.
217. I am in danger when they disagree with me because
a. perhaps I am wrong
b. I need them
c. they may reprove me, and I will be hurt.
218. If I don’t react and go against them, they will think they are right and so I will lose my hts and my power.
219. I’ll show them. I will destroy myself and they will worry. They will feel guilty.
220. When they agree with me, then I’m right. Then I am worthy and secure.
221. I must fight for my freedom and justice.
222. Other people don’t love me and I must protect myself from them.
223. If I don’t fight I will perish. I am in danger.
224. If I admit they’ re right when I perceive them to be, they will use the fact on other occasions against me.
225. People are hypocrites. They are two-faced. I cannot trust them. I am in danger.
226. I will never achieve success. Better not participate. Better to reject the entire game of success.
227. I’m a girl (woman) and I must protect my rights in a man’s world.
228. I am a victim of racism and I must protect myself.
CONVICTIONS THAT LEAD TO THE ROLE OF SOMEONE INTELLIGENT, INFORMED, SUPERIOR, KNOWLEDGEABLE, COUNSELLOR.
229. My worth is measured according to my mental ability.
230. My mind’s worth is measured according to:
a. How it compares to others.
b. How much information it possesses.
c. How fast it works.
d. If it’s right.
e. How much others think or show with their behavior that they believe it is worthy.
231. I am not sufficiently worthy, I don’t know enough. They will reject me.
232. I will be unwanted, I will be left alone, and then I’m in danger.
233. I must learn a great deal, I must cultivate my mind.
234. I must show others that my mind is worthwhile in order that they may accept me and love me. Then I will be safe.
235. If there is someone else who knows a great deal, they will love him more. I must show that I know more than him. I must make him look inferior and I must exaggerate my selfworth.
236. I must never acknowledge that the other person is right. If I do, I will lose my superiority.
237. Life is difficult, and I am alone. I must be intelligent in order to survive.
238. It is only those who are intelligent that attract the love, attention and tenderness they need.
239. I owe it to my parents to become educated, to become accepted for my education and my knowledge.
240. I must prove my selfworth to others.
241. I am responsible for other people and so I must be intelligent (more intelligent).
242. If I am clever, I can protect myself from the exploitation and wickedness of others.
243. I don’t want to be like my parent.
CONVICTIONS LEADING TO THE ROLE OF A PERSON INDIFFERENT, IRRESPONSIBLE, FREE, MISCHIEVOUS, RUN-WAY
244. I am worthy as long as I achieve a great deal, as long as I am able.
245. I am worthy only when I have a lot of responsibilities and succeed in dealing with them.
246. I am worthless if I do not succeed because:
a. Life is difficult.
b. I’m not intelligent, capable, strong.
c. Others are more capable than I am.
d. I’m afraid of failure.
247. If I try and, then fail, I will be rejected and then I will be alone and in danger.
248. Better not to try. Better to pretend that it doesn’t interest me, that I reject this game.
249. I will tire and will suffer if I have responsibilities. If I do nothing, others will take over.
250. Others do things better than me.
251. I reject their superficial life and their stress.
252. Better not to play, than to play and lose.
253. If I become active, they won’t pay attention to me. They will think I don’t need them.
254. Responsibility brings criticism from others in connection with the result.
255. Since God punishes for mistakes, I won’t do anything and so I won’t make mistakes.
256. I don’t want to fail like my parents.
257. I can’t trust others.
258. I am a spoiled child, they must take care of me.
CONVICTIONS LEADING TO THE ROLE OF GENERAL, DICTATOR, AGGRESSOR, SLAYER
259. I am weak and worthless, I am in danger, my safety is in danger.
260. Life and people are hard and difficult. They will hurt me.
261. I must be hard, difficult and sometimes aggressive in order to
a. Have others’ esteem
b. Be superior
c. Keep people at a distance so they won’t hurt me.
262. I don’t want them to step all over me as they did on my father (or mother).
263. I’m alone in life. No one is interested in me. If I don’t take care of myself, no one will.
264. I, alone, am right. They must listen and obey me.
265. No one loves me. They didn’t give me the tenderness and love I needed. I must get back at them.
266. Only the strong, the leader, is worthy and important.
267. I must keep them away so they won’t hurt me.
268. Since they look upon me as bad, evil, and abusive, I might as well be that way.
269. I am responsible for others. Unless I keep them in order with a little fear, we will have problems, I will not have control.
THE ROLE OF MALE OR FEMALE
270. I am a woman (man).
271. I am secure and I am worthy only if I succeed in this role.
272. I must have a companion in order to have worth and safety.
273. Companionship is the purpose of life and the basic meaning of life.
274. Companionship is difficult and I might get hurt because:
a. The other will not love me as I am.
b. The other will hurt me.
c. The other will abandon me.
275. I cannot let myself into a relationship because I will get hurt.
276. I am worthy when:
a. My companion loves me alone, exclusively.
b. The opposite sex desires me and admires me.
c. When I am better than the others.
d. I am wanted sexually.
277. A woman must sacrifice herself for her husband (must obey him).