This is a part of a series of articles with questions, which will help us understand our emotions and how we can free ourselves from unwanted ones.
Here we need to direct our questioning towards:
1. “What is it that I believe that I must have here in order to be happy?”
2. “Why do I need it?” What will be missing from myself, if I do not have it?”
3. What do I believe which makes this experience so painful? What do I believe about myself which makes this situation so painful?
4. “Can I believe that life gives me exactly what I need in order to continue my evolution and that it is giving me now exactly what I need?
5. If I can accept that (3), then why is life giving this situation about which I am not happy? What is life asking me to do or learn here?”
The above answers will lead to two basic questions:
a. What beliefs do I need to change in order to be able to accept what Life is giving me, and be happy with things as they are, even if they never change.
b. What beliefs do I need to change in order to initiate various actions and changes of behavior so as to create more effectively what I need and want from life.
In the case of the second category, frequently one of the actions we need to take will be to communicate more effectively and assertively to those around us concerning what we need and expect from them.
In such a case, we need to clarify for ourselves exactly what we want to express to the others. We can practice this in the form of a psychodrama, in which the we express our feelings and needs to another who is pretending that he or she is the person whom we want to communicate with.
Having practiced with another, we may then be ready to communicate our needs, feelings and beliefs to those with whom we have the problem, without accusing or rejecting.
Now you may like to describe how you would like to think, feel and respond in future situations. You may find it more powerful to write your description in the present tense as if it is already a reality.