Many consider emotions to be an obstacle to our happiness and spiritual growth. We are encouraged to ignore them and some of the older schools of thought encourage us to suppress them, to reject them and perhaps even hate ourselves because we have them.
As we move forward in our evolutionary process it becomes ever more apparent that such an approach does not succeed. In most cases, such self-hatred only distances us from love in general, and in some cases can turn us into bitter and sometimes even dangerous persons.
Recently developed schools of psychology encourage us to accept our emotions as natural and to avoid suppressing them. Some advocate discharging our emotional energy onto others regardless of how they feel or how we would feel in their place. This too is not a satisfactory solution.
Suppress of Release?
If we are not to hate and suppress, nor release our emotions onto others, what other options do we have?
Most of what we call emotions are waves and fields of energy, that are generated by subconscious thoughts, memories and programmings that have been stimulated into movement by specific “stimuli” that bring up positive and negative reactions.
These energies or feelings are a natural part of our evolutionary process and are there to guide us in this process. Negative (not bad – but just unpleasant) feelings cause us to want to get free from those unpleasant states. Positive (not good – but pleasant) feelings tend to attract us to do again whatever we did to create them. Simply put we seek to avoid pain and create pleasure.
This natural feedback guidance system is wisely-developed so as to move us forward towards our true life purpose which is the realization of our own true self – our divine nature, while as consciousness, we are temporarily focused here in these physical bodies.
As we seek our way out of pain and into pleasure, we are moved forward in the evolution. During this process we have the free will to chose any variety of less evolved solutions to our pain such as overeating, drinking, drugs, tranquilizers, over working, isolation from others, anger, revenge, hate, self-destruction and getting lost in external stimuli such as TV, sex, gambling, and any other possible reaction we might have to pain.
As we grow we are free to experiment with these various ways to temporarily ease the pain of these unpleasant emotions such as hurt, pain, rejection, fear, anxiety, loneliness, jealousy, envy, anger, disillusionment and depression. These are all valid as stepping-stones towards more and more permanent solutions. They are not inherently bad in anyway. They simply do not work after a period of time. There is nothing to be gained by rejecting ourselves because of such choices. Equally, there is also nothing to be gained by continuing to seek solutions in such external ways, because they simply do not work.
Being in touch with but also detached from our feelings.
Some of us are in touch with our feelings and may have difficulty maintaining our logic and objectivity when dealing with difficult situations. Others of us are totally out of touch with our feelings, while they work subconsciously to create our psychosomatic illness. These unrecognized and unaccepted emotions also make us sensitive to behaviors and events, creating emotional blockages to various experiences without our understanding why.
What we propose here is an alternative perception of this matter. We can actually perceive these emotions as guideposts towards our freedom – if only we would listen to them. Every time we feel a negative (unpleasant) emotion, we are being informed that an adjustment needs to be made. It is as if we have sensors on our car that let us know with a beeping sound when we are moving too far to the right or to the left on the road and are in danger of going of the road.
Changing the world or ourselves – or both?
The road we are on is placed between two basic guardrails of inner change and outer change. When we do not feel well with what is happening or with who we are, we are being asked to make adjustments in the way we think, act, live, and behave. These emotions are the “beeps” that are telling us either to make adjustments in what is happening in our lives or make adjustments in ourselves so that we feel happy, safe, worthy and satisfied with our lives as they are. These are the two categories of adjustments:
1. We need to become more able to create what we desire in order to feel safe, worthy, free and happy. This may include.
a. Communicating needs and ideas to others.
b. Improving the state of our body or mind.
c. Making changes in our economic or professional lives.
d. Making adjustments in our relationships.
e. Learning new abilities and talents.
f. Becoming more assertive (not aggressive) in creating what we would like for others and ourselves.
There are many other possibilities.
2. We need to learn be happy with ourselves, our relationships, work, economic situation and life in general as it is.
a. This often means learning to feel our self-worth within ourselves, independent of external factors and childhood programming.
b. Perhaps this means to learn to feel secure and worthy regardless of our economic or professional situation.
c. It may mean learning to feel secure and happy even when we are ill, or need others support or service.
d. Perhaps we need to learn to love someone as he or she is, with their faults and weakness, and negativity.
e. We might need to learn to let go of the past and thus of any bitterness, anger, resentment towards others.
f. Or perhaps to forgive ourselves and let go of guilt, shame and self-rejection.
g. We may need to feel the presence of the Divine in our lives, even in difficulties and trials.
h. Another lesson is to realize that we are actually free and that there is no such thing as suppression because we actually choose whatever we do. Every act is our free choice. (See the chapter on Freedom.)
i. Some may need to learn to say “no” with love. Others may need to learn to say “yes” with love.
j. We may need to learn that we cannot create others? reality and that they cannot be responsible for ours.
k. We may simply need to learn to love ourselves and others as we all are.
There are hundreds of other possible lessons.
Upgrading our belief system
Both types of lessons require a change in our present beliefs, emotions, reactions and programming. Both require that we free ourselves from our present perceptions that are based on many false perceptions accumulated in our childhood and deeper past concerning ourselves, others and life. Our emotionally, mentally, spiritual and social evolution are dependent on the gradual evolution or our beliefs, perceptions and social paradigms, until we eventually free ourselves from all beliefs.
Emotions, then, can be exactly the energies that propel that evolutionary process. We do not need to suppress or hate them, nor enthrone them “as being real or truthful”. Emotions are not bad, nor evil. They are simply energies tainted by our beliefs and memories. Neither are they to be cultivated and held on to in the name of being honest or real. There is nothing real about pain, anger, hate, jealousy and fear. They are all results of illusion and false perceptions about ourselves, others and life. They cannot guide us to happiness. They do not create happiness and throwing them onto others in the name of being honest or real, helps no one.
We are totally responsible for our reality
No one else is responsible for how we feel. We are totally responsible for attracting to ourselves all events, behaviors and situations and equally responsible for our internal reality based on how we interpret what is happening. Our reality is self-created and subjective. We can change it by changing our beliefs, expectations, emotions, especially fear and guilt, prejudices, memories and childhood programmings. (see the chapter on Ho?oponopono concerning how we create our reality by attraction, sympathetic vibration and interpretation.)
As long as we expect or require others or life to change without an analogous change in ourselves, we will very likely remain unhappy. We either need to change what we are doing or what we are thinking, or in most cases, both.
This is well expressed in the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
In most cases we need to accept “what is” (in ourselves, others and the world) as we simultaneously direct our energies to create what we would prefer. We can learn to be happy with what is, as we create what we prefer. Some people have difficulty accepting. Others are slower to find the energy to make external changes. Both are needed – accepting and changing. The first step, however, is accepting and loving ourselves, others and life as it is.
Thus, at our present stage of evolution, emotions are a main source of our life energy and creative power. Properly they used can guide us to the truth and to ever greater states of freedom and happiness. Thus, however, is seldom the case for most of us. We tend to allow our emotions – especially our fear-based ones, to seriously limit our freedom and happiness. This is because we do not know how to use them.
The realization of what we really are is the solution.
The basic premise here is that we are not simply these physically bodies but actually spiritual beings who are temporarily expressing ourselves through these bodies and minds. We enter into these temporary bodies as a challenge to see if we can remember our true spiritual nature while enclosed in these separate and limited bodies. This is not easy. We are programmed as children to identify with these bodies to exclusion 0f all others and to fear physical and emotional pain and perhaps even destruction.
We are unaware of our immortal indestructible self. We are immortal and yet we do not experience that immortality. We are all powerful and we feel weak. We are the creators of our realities and live in the illusion that we are victims of others? actions. We are divinely beautiful and yet we feel ugly and seek to improve our appearance with ornaments, colors and operations. We are ultimately indestructible and yet we feel insecure. We are full of love for all, but are often lost in fear, hurt, bitterness, anger. We are one with all and everything but feel separate, alienated and fearful. We are one being and yet we live in fear, jealousy and competition. We are the divine incarnated in a temporary form and yet we doubt our self-worth and feel self-rejection and guilt.
All of these illusions create a reality totally inferior to that the one we deserve, than the one we are. We all deserve much more love, peace, happiness, abundance, harmony and pleasure in our lives. We are the divine itself here on earth and we treat ourselves and others as if we were evil and unworthy of love and respect.
The challenges and choices of Free will
We have been given the freewill and power to do this. This is our test – whether while temporarily encased in these physical bodies, we can remember our true nature – and of course the true nature of our parents, spouse, children, siblings, coworkers, friends, enemies. Whether we can remember the true nature of divine beings who have incarnated in into other religions, nationalities, races, gender, or political or philosophical ideologies. We have come with the challenge of breaking through the veil of our self-imposed ignorance and the emotions and life situations created by those illusions.
We have taken on the challenge of conscious evolution, which requires the ability to choose freely to overcome fear and forgive and love others and ourselves. We have the challenge of choosing peace over fear, sharing over accumulating, forgiveness over bitterness and resentment, compassion towards ourselves over guilt, love for God over fear of God, truth over illusion, freedom over habituation, being ourselves over being who others want us to be, loving others as they are rather than as we want them to be, realizing our own inner self-worth over seeking other?s approval, experiencing inner security over trying to control others and life so that we can feel secure, true freedom over reaction and rebelliousness and the choice that includes all the previous, love over fear.
The ultimate choice is love or fear. When we function from the belief system that says to us that our existence is limited to these separate bodies and minds and that these are in danger from others and life, then we live in a reality based on fear.
When we fear, we develop attachment towards certain people as well as certain behaviors from those people such as love, acknowledgement, support, affection, truth, caring etc. that help us to feel worthy and safe.
The security of being accepted
Feeling worthy for most people is associated with feeling safe. Perhaps because in our deep past, being unacceptable and rejected meant being ostracized, which pretty much meant death, because life alone in those ancient times was not easy outside of social protection. Most people simply do not feel safe alone. I have heard from persons who had to stay alone at home at night that they felt more secure simply because there was a cat or baby with them. Obviously a baby or cat could not protect them, but they illogically felt safer than if they were totally alone. We need to face and become reconciled with being alone, which is totally different from loneliness. We can be alone for months and feel connected to others, God and nature. We can also be involved with hundreds of people and feel totally lonely because we feel no connection to them.
We also seek to feel worthy and secure in other ways such as having a home and other objects, insuring for ourselves money, beauty, physical strength, knowledge, a social and / or professional position, belonging to certain groups, or becoming well-known. Thus we tend to become dependent on certain external factors for our feelings of self-worth and security.
Negative emotions are born from attachment
Once we have become attached to these temporary external sources, we then develop a wide series of emotions all of which are a direct result of the illusion that our self-worth, security, freedom and pleasure are actually dependent on them.
We experience fear and anxiety that we might not be able to create and maintain what we need. Once we do accumulate them, we being to fear losing them. We feel jealous and envy towards those who have more of what we want than we have. We become angry towards those who we consider are preventing us from getting what we want. We also feel hate and perhaps revenge towards those who take from us what we need. We feel abuse, injustice and pain when others prevent us from getting what we need or take it from us. We feel disillusionment and depression when we cannot get what we want and have lost all hope of getting it or when we or others are not as we need them to be.
We reject ourselves when we are not able to achieve our goals or are not perfect. We reject others when they do not function as we need them to, in order for our needs to be fulfilled. We feel guilty when we satisfy our needs and also when we do not.
It is all about our needs. We are slaves to our needs. All of our unpleasant emotions are generated by our needs. Behind every unpleasant feeling there is a need that is seeking to be fulfilled. If we free ourselves from the need or satisfy it from within, the negative emotion disappears. Its cause has been dissolved and it is no longer generated – at least in relationship to that specific situation.
Let us review what we have said until now.
1. We are Divine Consciousness temporarily focused in a physical body and mind.
2. We loose aware of our true nature upon birth and through childhood programming.
3. We identify with the body and mind and experience ourselves as separate and vulnerable beings.
4. Because we doubt our self-worth and security and fear for our freedom and pleasure, we develop attachments to certain external beings, objects and situations in order to create the idea that these needs are being and will be fulfilled.
5. When we are dependent, we begin to experience a wide variety of negative emotions about not getting or perhaps losing what we have come to believe ensure the fulfillment of our needs.
6. We suffer. We experience pain whenever our needs are not being fulfilled or fear that they will not be in the future – such as the idea that we might lose a loved one or our job, health or abundance. It is not a reality yet, and statistically probably never will be, but we ruin our present with our fear or what might happen in the future.
And now in continuation
7. These negative emotions cause us to develop a number of strategies and defense and offense mechanism with the hope of getting what we want and protecting it from others who might want what we have and want to take it from us. (These are described in detail in the chapter on Sources of energy.)
8. Others are recipients of our strategies and in order to protect themselves, do the same. We become ever more alienated and fearful creating a very sad communal reality for ourselves and others in our relationships, families, society and planet as a whole.
9. This fear-based situation accentuates itself in a downward spiraling circle of negativity, until we wake up and decide to get free and cease participating in this and stop feeding the fire of fear and alienation.
How can we get free?
There are various roads to freedom. Some are experiential such as energy psychology, prayer, and meditation. Others are philosophical such as the path taken by Socrates and other philosophers. Some take the path of unity through selfless service to others. Still others follow the path of self-knowledge. This is the path we will discuss here. These paths do not conflict and can be employed simultaneously. (For more details about the other paths, refer to my books, The Art of Meditation, Universal Philosophy and Energy Psychology.)
Here we will discuss a marriage of analysis, philosophy and energy psychology with emphasis on analysis.
Emotions create our reality
Emotions are energy fields that are generated by our beliefs, memories, expectations and prejudice – all of which are formed by our programming based on our interpretations and conclusions of previous events. We need to distinguish between an event and experience. An event is something that happens to us or others, an interaction between beings and objects. Our experience of that event is based on our interpretation of what is happening or has happened.
We interpret what has happened or might happen especially in relationship to whether we believe that will increase or decrease our self-worth, security and / or freedom. When we change our interpretation and perception of ourselves, others and events, then we experience the same events in an alternative way and create totally new reality. There is no objective experience. All experiences are personal and subjective.
It is not what happened, is happening or might happen that creates our emotions and reactions, but rather our interpretation of those stimuli. Therein lies our real freedom – the freedom to alter our belief system so that we are able to feel safe where before we felt fear, love where we felt anger, understanding where we were criticizing and rejecting, self-acceptance where we were feeling guilty.
Our reality is also created by what we attract. We attract behaviors and events that correspond to the nature of our emotions.
We attract what we love, desire, fear, reject, condemn, hate, feel guilty about and feel gratitude for. Our feelings of injustice, pain, and self-rejection also attract corresponding realities. Our freedom lies in our ability to allow our beliefs to evolve in such a way that we gradually perceive others and ourselves as safe, worthy and loveable. When we do, we will be free from fearful emotions that limit our health, freedom and happiness.
Getting free by changing our beliefs
There are various ways to make such changes in our belief systems. Some of them are:
1. Analysis of our present belief system so that we discover which beliefs are creating our undesired emotions. We can then move forward to choose alternative ways of perceiving that same stimuli. This often requires the help of a professional psychotherapist.
2. Emotional psychology techniques such as EFT, TAT, EMDR, TFT, the Sedona Method, Freeze Frame and Ho?oponopono all of which enable us to change our energy state in relationship to a specific issue which until now has been a source of pain, fear, hurt, anger or guilt.
3. Research by various means into the subconscious so as to access the sources of the fearful programming and thus transform it. This often includes in-depth work on our childhood experiences and programmings.
4. Behavioral therapy is a method in which act as if we have already changed our beliefs and by behaving in this way we align ourselves with this new way of perceiving.
5. The study of spiritual truths allows us to adopt a more philosophical and spiritual perception of ourselves, others and reality. Along with this approach, we also have the development of virtues such as love, kindness, selflessness, truthfulness, and right action. In order to experience the inner security and self-worth necessary to live these virtues, we need to become aware of and transcend all beliefs that cause fear, guilt, alienation and all emotions that are generated from those. In other words, we need to realize our true self.
There are other ways to transform our belief systems, but these are the major categories. We can all benefit by employing some combination of these.
I would like to share with you here a combination of these approaches that will free us from self-destructive emotions while simultaneously enabling us to realize our true free spiritual nature. With such an approach, each unpleasant emotion becomes an opportunity for growth and realization of the truth. Follow my reasoning here.
The need to free ourselves from needs and attachments
We are controlled by our needs. Until we realize our true spiritual nature all of our positive and negative emotions are based on one simple factor – whether our needs are being fulfilled or not. We are talking here about all types of needs from the most basic physical and material needs, to psychological, mental and spiritual needs. We experience security, self-worth, freedom and happiness when our extensive list of needs is being fulfilled. Even when only one of those is not being fulfilled, we feel a wide variety of unpleasant emotions.
We fear that we will not be able to fulfill our needs or attachments and fear that we will not be secure, worthy, free or happy if we do not. Each attachment makes us a slave of that need and we experience great anxiety, fear and even panic when we consider that we might not be able to manifest what we need. This might mean the love of a specific person, better health, more money or specific possessions, a better professional or social position or success at some endeavor or perhaps the survival of a loved one or our own physical survival.
The more needs and attachments we, have the more likely we are to feel unhappy about the past, present or future. Of course, what we usually call the present is actually the past, because if our emotions are about what we had or did not have one minute ago, that is still the past. We are also most likely to fear not having what we need in the future, and this will cause anxiety. We need to remember that even what is going to happen a minute from now is about the future. Thus worry, anxiety and fear are almost always about what might or might not happen for us or to us and / or our loved ones.
It is all about needs, attachments and dependencies. These are the cause of all fear, pain, suffering, guilt, anxiety, worry, anger, hate, shame and self-rejection. One might, then, assume as many yogis and religious persons of the past that the only solution is to renounce the world and its pleasures and responsibilities. This is one viable path, but not the one suitable for most of us in the 22nd century. We need to see what other options we have for dealing with the pain that is created by our needs, attachments, and dependencies.
We have two possible paths that are not exclusive. They can be combined.
We have mentioned earlier that one way to create happiness is to become more efficient in creating what we desire. We are happy when we have what we want and unhappy when we do not. If we are able to manifest what we want, then we are happy.
One problem here is that we do not focus on what we have but on what we want but do not have. If we have satisfied nine of ten needs, we seldom think, “Oh how happy I am! I have nine of ten things that I need!” We usually feel unhappy because we do not have the tenth and are unable to enjoy the nine that we do have. We tend to focus on what we do not have, and experience pain, rather than happiness and gratitude for all that we have, which is probably more than 90% of the people on the planet if we have the money to buy this book and the time and security to read it.
Our emotions are energy fields that become motivating forces that push us towards action and change, as we seek to create pleasant emotions and avoid unpleasant ones. Our emotions are a basic evolutionary force that needs to be honored and not suppressed or rejected. They are there to give us a motive for change.
The law of attraction
The law of attraction is the effective way to create what we need to be happy. This law determines what we attract from the universe. We create our reality with our beliefs and emotions. The universe is basically a mirror that reflects to us the many aspects of our being but here we will focus on our emotions and beliefs as energies that attract analogous realities.
When we feel unhappy about what we do not have, we create a reality in which we attract more of what causes our unhappiness. When we feel unhappy, we attract realities that further that unhappiness. When we feel happy and grateful for all that we have, we attract more of whatever makes us happy and grateful. The more we experience love, the more what we love comes into our lives.
Unpleasant emotions are motivating forces that can push us towards realizing our spiritual potential to manifest on the material level that which we feel motivated to create. In an ideal situation, however, our needs and desires will evolve as we mature emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It would be silly to desire toys and dolls at our age, yet many of us are still locked into adolescent needs as well as needs that society has programmed into us, rather than needs that actually come from within as we evolve.
Creating what we feel will make us happy
When we feel unhappy about what we do not have or because we have not succeeded to create what we want, then we need to employ the following process of creation.
1. Focus on all that we already have for which we can feel love and gratitude. Generate feelings of love and gratitude bringing to mind all that we have.
2. Now we bring to mind that which we want to manifest and visualize that we already have it. It is now in our lives and we are feeling so happy and grateful that we now have what we want. (All of this is visualized as in the present.)
3. Now we envisage ourselves enjoying our new life with all that we want, perceiving how we now feel different and perhaps act differently.
4. We are again grateful for all that we have – now including what we newly have (which is what we are seeking to manifest.)
In this way we discover the unlimited creative power within us. This however, requires that we learn to first feel gratitude for and happiness with what we already have. We create a state of unity and cooperation with the universe that brings us what we want.
In this way, our pain, fear or anger can be a force for making personal, social and planetary changes that further our evolutionary process. We cannot however make this change by hating or rejecting “what is” – whether that be in ourselves, others or society. We need first to accept and love “what is” as a steeping stone towards the new reality we are being guided from within to create. It is important to remember that we can use our powers of manifestation – not only for our selves, but also for the benefit of the whole.
Strangely enough, the way to create what we want is to stop being unhappy because we do not have it or fearing that we will not have it, or feeling jealous that others have it, but by doing the opposite – by feeling grateful and happy that we do have it and that it is natural for us to have it. (Concerning parts of us that might undermine creating what we want, refer to the chapter on Ho?oponopono.)
There is also another way of creating happiness.
We can reduce our attachments and dependencies. The less we require to feel secure, worthy, free, happy and fulfilled, the easier it is to be happy. In addition to letting go of attachments, we can also upgrade them to preferences. We can prefer to have a specific person, job, house, situation, social acceptance etc, but also be able to feel happy even when for some reason these are not manifest in our lives. We do all we can to create what we prefer, but know we will be okay if it does not happen. We love and enjoy what or whom we prefer, but our center or happiness is within. Let us look into this option in greater detail.
First let us investigate how an emotion is created. We mentioned this briefly above, but it is important enough to warrant a reminder. We are spirit. For reasons difficult to understand, we have temporality forgotten our true nonphysical spiritual nature – which lacks nothing. Upon birth, we learn to identify with the body and mind as our “self”. Our parents and society enforce this perception and once this happens an ego is created which believes it is the body and mind. As a consequence, we feel vulnerable as we realize that the body and mind can be rejected, hurt and even “die”. Our fear, which is the result of our amnesia of our true eternal self, causes us to attach ourselves to certain persons, objects and situations in order to create the illusion of security, self-worth and freedom. Each attachment causes a resulting aversion to whatever might obstruct what we are attached to.
Our original fears for the body and mind, create attachment and aversion, which in turn create more fears and all other unpleasant emotions, as we fear not getting what we “need” or losing it when we have it We experience anger towards those who might take it from us, jealousy towards those who have it, hate towards those who have taken it and perhaps even guilt and shame for what we need to do to get what we want. All of this because of a simple misconception.
For example, we become attached to a certain person as our parent, child, spouse or friend and if all is not well with that being or well between us, we feel unhappy. Our inner state is dependent on what is happening with them and between us. Our negative emotions are based on the idea that we need these fellow beings and that we need them to behave in ways that augment our feelings of security and self-worth. If we are attached to or are dependent on a certain person, we will feel an aversion towards whomever or whatever might put in jeopardy our relationship or control over that person.
Others of us become attached to our appearance, how we compare with others, money and material possessions, substances, knowledge and various roles. In all of these cases we will equally feel aversion or rejection towards persons, events or situations that might endanger what we are attached to.
Our roles create our attachments.
It is actually the specific roles we identify with that create our attachments and aversions. Each role has its own definitions as to what we need to have or create in order to maintain our illusions of security, self-worth and freedom. I use the word illusions here because what we are attached to and feel aversion to, actually have nothing to do with our real security, self-worth and freedom, all of which are inner constants and can never be in danger and can never be increased or decreased. This is all an illusion of the mind that causes to us identify with these roles and their “prerequisites for happiness”, which may differ in various cultures and time periods.
As spirit we are neither male, nor female, neither rich nor poor, important nor unimportant, good nor bad. We have no religion, no nationality, no race. We are not inherently parents, or children, siblings or spouses. We have no profession, social standing or anything else that might require us to need anything but our own true spiritual essence in order to feel secure, worthy and free.
As actors playing in a theater production, we take on certain roles for the purpose of learning to deal with the material dimension and create here the harmony and beauty that already exist within us as spirit. For such purpose we take on the roles of the child, sibling, friend, spouse and parents. We take on the role of male or female – which, depending on the country and family we incarnate into, offers totally different lessons. We take on professional and social roles for which we have our programmed perceptions as to what is expected of us. We also develop psychological roles such as the victim, the aloof, the interrogator, the intimidator, the savior, the rebel, the know-it-all, the superior one, the inferior one, the holy one, the goody goody and a large variety of other roles – all of which create their own attachments and aversions.
Examples of roles and attachments
If we forget that our true nature has no gender, and have incarnated as a man in some cultures, we may have the attachment to being more intelligent, able and successful than our soul mate who in this life is playing the role of the female. We may need for our fellow soul to obey us and serve us and feel that it is totally natural for there to be no equality in our relationship.
As a female, I may learn to identify my security and self-worth with my external appearance and ability to attract, keep and perhaps control a man. I will perceive other women as a threat and have an aversion towards them.
While identified with the role of the Christian, Jew or Moslem, we might have the attachment to being the only group who is has the truth or access to God.
In the role of the savior I will evaluate myself in terms of how many people I can help and will feel self-rejection when I am not able to help others and perhaps anger at them when they do not do what I tell them so that I can “create” their happiness for them.
In the role of the parent, I will feel anger towards the fellow soul playing the role of “my” child when he or she does not do what I ask. I will also feel guilty when that eternal soul is not well, happy or successful. I will feel unable to be happy, when that other soul is not well.
In the role of the child I will have an attachment to be supported, accepted and approved by those fellow souls I have chosen to play the role of my parents. While identified with the role of the child, I will feel pain reject and anger and hate if I do not get what I need from my parents.
When I am identified with the role of my particular “profession” on the material level (with or without pay, in or out of the home), I will evaluate my self-worth in terms of my income and achievements in relationship to others and also will give great importance to how I am perceived by those who I am seeking approval from through that role.
Those who are playing the role of the victim will actually be attached to being done injustice to and being unhappy. They feel more secure when they are not well and when they can “verify” to themselves that they are the abused and the others are the abusers.
We play a combination or roles
We all play a combination of these roles creating a unique mixture of attachments, desires, needs and aversions that consequently seriously limit our freedom and happiness. And all of this is an illusion. We are actually none of these roles. Our true self is beyond all these.
We are like actors who sign up to play a part in a theater production and then forget who we really are and live our lives actually believing that we are the roles we are playing in that particular play.
All of our unpleasant emotions are the result of the fact that we have identified with these temporary roles and their needs, attachments, desires, fears, anxieties, pain, guilt, anger and other emotions.
On the other hand we have come to learn and serve through these roles. We have chosen those roles and our role partners in order to continue our evolutionary process. This means that we honor and loving fulfill our roles such as children to certain souls, parents to others and spouses, siblings, friends and coworkers to others.
Through these roles we learn to love and respect others and ourselves more purely and unwaveringly. We learn to serve, care for, and forgive. We learn to express our needs and take responsible for our own reality while we allow others to be responsible for theirs. We learn help others without believing we can save them. We learn about the power within us and within others. We become aware of our and others? spiritual nature. We begin to remember who we really are and manifest that without the limitations of the roles. We chose these roles in order to learn, serve and create, not to be limited buy them but to transcend them and discover our true spiritual self.
Our problems occur when we depend on these roles for our sense of security and self-worth. That would be like an actor who is playing the role of the king or queen in a theater production to actually believe that he or she is more worthy than the other players and that they should serve or obey him or her simply because of his or her position. Or an actor who is playing the servant in that same play, falsely believing that he or she is less worthy than the others. These are all illusions created by our false identification with these temporary roles.
When we forget that we are all spirit temporarily incarnated for the purpose of learning and creating, we then actually believe that we are the parents or children of another soul with whom we have agreed to play these roles. We believe that our self-worth depends on certain parameters we associate with these roles such as how much the others live up to our needs and expectations. We then feel the need to control others so that we have what we need in order to feel secure and happy.
When we seek to control others, they in turn resist and we resort to other types of roles such as the victim, the aloof, the interrogator and intimidator in order to “protect” ourselves from the others and get what we want from them. We live in the illusion that we are in danger from the others, with whom we have actually agreed to play these roles in order to learn and grow.
What is the solution?
The obvious solution is to remember the truth. Our unpleasant and pleasant emotions can help us to do this.
A. We simply need to learn to do what makes us feel happy and learn to avoid what makes us unhappy.
Some might consider this as selfish, but we cannot actually do something that makes others feel unhappy while simultaneously feeling happy ourselves at least at a deeper level. It is actually impossible to be happy at the center of or being when our actions are harmful to others. Thus one road to evolution is to do what makes us happy. Also what makes us happy evolves as we mature emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
B. When we feel unpleasant emotions, we simply need to ask our selves a few questions.
1. What is my lesson here?
Am I feeling unhappy because I need to learn to change what is happening or because I need to learn to be happy regardless of what is happening with that which concerns me.
In the case that we feel that our lesson is to change what is happening then we employ the technique mentioned earlier for attracting what we want by feeling gratitude for all that we have and then gratitude that we now have manifested the change we want to add to our reality. In addition we make all necessary actions to manifest what it is that we want.
We also need to remember here that a prerequisite to creating what we want is to be happy with and feel gratitude for what we already have – including what we want to change. Rejecting something, someone or some aspect of ourselves is the surest way to energize it and prevent it form changing.
In the case that we feel that we also need to learn to let go of our feeling, then we can continue to ask the following questions.
2. What emotions am I feeling here?
3. What exactly is the stimulus that is causing me to feel this way? What is actually happening that is triggering these feelings? The answer could be in past, present or even in the future if I have anxiety or fear concerning something that might happen. The answer might also be some thought that I have.
4. What am I attached to here that is causing me to feel unhappy about this? What do believe must happen or not happen? What do I believe that I must have or not have in order to be happy here?
5. What role (s) am I attached to that is / are creating these beliefs and prerequisites to my happiness.
6. Then we simply remember that we are not the roles we are identifying with that are creating the beliefs, needs and limitations that cause our negative emotions.
7. We remember that we are divine consciousness that has temporarily incarnated into these bodies in order to play these roles and learn and create through them but that our security and self-worth are in no way related to them, just as an actor does not actually die or suffer when the role he or she is playing dictates so in the drama in which he is participating.
We give power to external situations to affect us
Say for example we are attached to being accepted, loved and respected by a certain person. We give great importance to receiving these positive behaviors from this specific person, because we are identifying with our role in relationship to that person such as parent, child, spouse, sibling or friend. We are not attached to receiving the same support and love from the clerk at the store or a stranger on the street. Our mind accepts not being loved and accepted by these persons. It is an idea in our mind that we must have the love and respect of those specific persons because of our identification with those roles.
Of course, we will always prefer to be loved and respected by those we consider important, but at the same time we need to realize that our self-worth and security and our happiness do not depend on this, unless we allow them to.
If we are identified with the role of the parent, we cannot relax and be happy when our child is not well or happy with us. We think to ourselves, “I am the parent of this child and am responsible for his reality. If he is not well, successful and happy, then I am a failure. I am not worthy. I feel guilt, shame and self-rejection. I am also and angry with him that he does not listen to me and do what he must to be okay. My self-worth in this society depends on my child.” We then feel the need to control that immortal soul who with whom we have agreed to pay the role of our child in this lifetime, and he then reacts and the cycle goes on.
We are not parents, we are not children, we have alternated these roles with fellow evolving souls hundreds of times through out our incarnations exchanging positions as to who is the parent, who is the child, who is the male and the female, who our siblings will be. This is an ongoing process of agreements in which we supply each other with stimuli for our mutual growth process.
Also we cannot create happiness, health or success for another soul. Neither can they create our happiness or health. We have made these agreements to be together, to learn to love, respect and share, but we cannot create each other?s reality.
Our challenge is to play these roles with love and respect for the others and ourselves, without loosing awareness of the fact that we are not these roles. Our children have been born and have died thousands of times. They have been our children and siblings and even strangers in other lives. We have been male and female in various lives and our spouses have been in thousands of love relationships, some with us and also many with other souls in other lives.
No one belongs to us and we cannot belong to anyone. That is not to be interpreted as an license for free sex, but simply the realization that although I have agreed to have an exclusive love partnership with another soul, that souls does not belong to me and that I can still have a meaningful and happy life if for some reason that soul departs from my life. Also my security and self-worth are inner qualities and have nothing to do what that person?s existence or behavior.
Following each emotion back to its source
Each unpleasant emotion is an opportunity to follow it back to its source, as we discover what the emotion is, what attachment and or belief is creating it, and which role is creating the attachment. Then we remember that we are not this role, but an eternal soul temporarily playing that role for evolutionary purposes.
When we remember this, we let go of the role and expand beyond it, allowing ourselves to experience our true self beyond these role, which is a small aspect of our reality. We play many roles simultaneously and we are greater than the sum total of our roles. At the same time are parents, spouses, children, siblings, friends, professionals, religious, political or spiritual beings, males or females etc. What we are cannot be limited to any of these parts. These are all roles we have selected to play for certain periods of time.
Each emotion then is an energy line toward the truth.
Love and gratitude connect us to the truth that we are in fact one energy, one consciousness and that we actually have all that we need to be happy. Unpleasant emotions energize us to make changes in our lives and in what we have created. They also serve to remind us of our true spiritual nature and freedom from identification with the temporary roles we have chosen to play for our evolutionary process.